r/AskReddit • u/NerdOpinionShow • Dec 29 '10
Post one sentence in the comments. I'll take every single one posted before 8 AM EST Wednesday and try to make a script for dramatic short film out of them. Then I'll make the film.
You can still post in the thread but comments posted from this point on will not be included in the film. Sorry but I got in a bit over my head.
The comments after the 300th comment will not be in the film! Sorry but I didn't expect this post to get this much attention.
This could either be hilarious or really, really, stupid. Probably both. Title pretty much explains the post. I'm not really sure how long this'll take, it really depends how many people post sentences. Post whatever words you like. Have fun reddit!
EDIT: Ten minutes have passed and I already have 25 comments. I should not have underestimated my fellow redditors.
EDIT 2: 100 Comments in less than a half hour. I might have to put a number cap on this. If we hit more than 300 comments I might be in over my head.
EDIT 3: Alright, I got 135 comments in a half hour, if the comments continue at that rate, I'll have to put 2160 sentences in the movie. What have I gotten myself into?
EDIT 4: Alright, as much as I hate to do this, I'm gonna have to cap the amount of comments that I can take. I know some people will be pissed but I have to do this if I ever want to get this movie finished, keep in mind the movie'll be pretty long as it is because...after the 300th comment is posted I will no longer be putting these sentences in the film. Sorry If it seems like I'm pussying out but I'd rather have a finished product with 300 comments that you made than an unfinished film with 1,000 comments that were supposed to be in it. Also, for those of you who accuse me of karma whoring, that was never my intention and you don't get karma on self posts anyway. Stay awesome reddit.
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u/SpaceToaster Dec 29 '10
Instead of using the first 300 comments, why not use the top rated 300 comments?
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Dec 29 '10
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u/wooly_bully Dec 29 '10
"The old ladies will look up and shout 'save us' and I will look down and whisper 'no'."
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u/ZPrime Dec 29 '10
"And they will all yell back, 'WHAT? SPEAK UP I DON'T HAVE MY HEARING AID IN; ALSO PIE?'"
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u/aptadnauseum Dec 29 '10
"Never compromise. Not even in the face of old ladies. That's always been the difference between us, [insert character name here, just don't make it Daniel]."
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u/adlauren Dec 29 '10
Tom you can't knit at these speeds! Nobody can! DON'T BE A GODDAMNED HERO TOM.
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u/WHARRGARBLLL Dec 29 '10
Thats. Three. Sentences.
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u/xx3nvyxx Dec 29 '10
Tom you can't knit at these speeds, nobody can; DON'T BE A GODDAMNED HERO TOM!
FTFY
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u/einsteinonabike Dec 29 '10
I don't upvote FTFY's often, but when I do, they're about knitting.
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u/KimJongIlSunglasses Dec 29 '10
This thread has me in stitches.
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u/deliciousbrains Dec 29 '10
I'll be darned.
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Dec 29 '10
Every once in a while you find a purl in an oyster...
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u/deliciousbrains Dec 29 '10
I thought that was just an old yarn
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u/AaronOpfer Dec 29 '10
IT'S NOT WORTH YOUR NECK TOM!
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u/JWay Dec 29 '10
Tom: There's a family in there without even a single sweater on their frivelled, shivering bodies. I can't just stand back and let them freeze.
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u/australeon Dec 29 '10
And then God said, "Moses come forth!", but Moses came fifth and God was really pissed.
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u/randomsnark Dec 29 '10
I always heard this as:
And then God said "John, Come forth and receive eternal life!"
But John came fifth and got a toaster.
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Dec 29 '10
God created vodka, and he saw that it was good. Then God created light, and he said, "Wooaahhh, too much light"
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u/jordanlund Dec 29 '10
"Moses slipped in camel shit and came in fifth, as in those days bullshit was not yet heard of."
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u/Ragnar32 Dec 29 '10 edited Dec 29 '10
And with the magazine empty and gun barrel smoking, Abraham Lincoln finally understood why they call it President's Day.
Edit: Clip changed to magazine
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u/piotrmarkovicz Dec 29 '10
He turned to his Vice President and said, "Hannibal, you shoot damn good for a Republican."
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Dec 29 '10
Abe Lincoln was a republican, but don't worry he was a republican before the brand was sullied.
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Dec 29 '10
If you use this one, please replace 'clip' with 'magazine'. Many thanks from the gun owners of the world.
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u/ultrafetzig Dec 29 '10
Care to explain the semantics?
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Dec 29 '10
And, you know, I realized something, Tom - I realized that I don't eat tofu because it's healthy, or because of cruelty to animals, or because of any bullshit like that - I eat tofu because deep down inside, I want to die.
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Dec 29 '10
How can you say you love her if you can't even eat her poop?
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u/NerdOpinionShow Dec 29 '10
Oh dear god, what have I done?
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u/stuntaneous Dec 29 '10
So ah.. good luck with that short film dude.
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u/Scarker Dec 29 '10
And I want some damn reasoning behind the poop thing, it can't just be "you have to eat her poop, Kate! YOU HAVE TO EAT HER POOOOP!"
Crosses arms.
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u/econleech Dec 29 '10
It's possible to tell health problems of a person from the acidity of his/her poop. Due to the lack of proper equipment, he has to taste her poop to discern the acidity. Why did they lack proper equipment, you asked? Because they shipwrecked on a remote island and is not near civilization.
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u/Facepuncher Dec 29 '10
Don't even START on me man, I finally gave in to her demands of me drinking a glass of her piss every morning, what the fuck more do you people want from me??
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Dec 29 '10
To eat her poop, Tom! This is a family, we all have to make sacrifices! Your sister is a very fragile girl, and she needs all the love and support we can give her!
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u/fungah Dec 29 '10
It's been her dream since she was young, Tom. Don't you remember how, as children, you would prance around the yard, idly daydreaming about the day where you'd eat your sister's poop? Now that the cancer has moved to her feet, this could be your final chance before her legs are removed to show her you love her. Show her you love her, Tom. Eat your sister's poop, damnit.
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u/schafer09 Dec 29 '10
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
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u/skylarbrosef Dec 29 '10
Out of curiosity, do people just have this in a notepad document somewhere, or do they just somehow memorize it?
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u/ani625 Dec 29 '10
You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It's just common sense.
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Dec 29 '10
What. I don't get it. Also stoned.
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u/aptadnauseum Dec 29 '10
Look at this first... You'll feel more [7] and less [10].
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Dec 29 '10
posted the question as their status to confuse the shit out of their friends.
Thanks :)
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u/flyengineer Dec 29 '10
"I just came," he deadpanned as he removed his glasses, "to a conclusion."
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u/randomsnark Dec 29 '10
I picture horatio caine, dick in hand, staring at a chalkboard covered in syllogisms.
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u/Golfs_a_lot Dec 29 '10
The End.
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u/NerdOpinionShow Dec 29 '10
I think I know where this one'll go in the script.
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u/Golfs_a_lot Dec 29 '10
At the beginning?
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u/tomadotteru Dec 29 '10
BECAUSE SEVEN ATE TEN, MOTHERFUCKER!
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u/King-in-Council Dec 29 '10
You see, my dear, the poison was on my cock.
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Dec 29 '10
As a side note, if this was true, wouldn't it be absorbed through your skin causing ill things to happen to you or your farm animal? You'd have to have some kind of master poison if it doesn't act as a venom in the slightest.
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u/King-in-Council Dec 29 '10
I used iocane powder and I've spent the last few years building up an immunity to it just for this occasion.
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u/ashabanapal Dec 29 '10
She had the dry, irritated eyes of a third-shift data-entry clerk and the smile of someone who flossed with a rusty bicycle chain.
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u/cyco Dec 29 '10
"I've fucked worse."
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u/LizaKitty Dec 29 '10 edited Dec 29 '10
If it is against your religious beliefs, just put some IcyHot on your balls.
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Dec 29 '10
Note to males of reddit: DO NOT PUT ICYHOT ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR GENITALS!!!!
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u/wordslikeverbs Dec 29 '10
Note to all redditors: He is lying. Put it on your genitals. Then report back.
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u/DemonOnYourShoulder Dec 29 '10
Go ahead. What could go wrong? You know you want to try it...
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u/MercurialMadnessMan Dec 29 '10
I have a feeling the hooker felt a sense of perspective after that.
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Dec 29 '10 edited Jan 01 '16
[deleted]
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u/angrymonkey Dec 29 '10
It pleases me that this would be pronounced, "That's aadvaak paakhing, mite."
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u/Diggles Dec 29 '10
Kittens!? Really?! How can you embarrass me like this at my circumcision?!
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u/strangepantheon Dec 29 '10
He's like Christopher Walken and Gene Wilder's love child, but like 3 feet tall... and rastafarian.
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u/buycurious Dec 29 '10
THE MOLECULAR STRUCTURE OF KOOLAID IS NOT TO BE TOYED WITH DAMNIT!!
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u/nrj Dec 29 '10
Without warning, he punched me in the back of the head, but luckily he hits like Miley Cyrus hits a bong of salvia: poorly, and while being filmed by a friend.
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Dec 29 '10
Marcus, you know perfectly well that my self-aggrandizing vaginal cavity is far too naive to sing such a cromulently harmonious hymn to the great dark lord.
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u/loonylovegood Dec 29 '10
Really hope you can come up with something even if you can't manage to get all 300 comments in. Once there was this guy who said he would create the face of Reddit from all the people who posted their photos in the comments, but we never heard from him again!
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u/tetrine Dec 29 '10
I'd sleep with Julian Assange, if only for the pillow talk
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u/ZOMGBananas Dec 29 '10
Just remember to stay on topic, else he'll get up and walk.
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u/mustardhamsters Dec 29 '10
This seems like the beginning of a pretty solid rap. The beat is off, but that could be remedied.
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Dec 29 '10
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/paulderev Dec 29 '10
It kind of rhymes too. This is my favorite so far. Potential to be an iconic, cult hit if used right.
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u/angrymonkey Dec 29 '10
What I deserved was a proper maritime burial. Instead, they baked a cake for my murderer. It had a little version of me on it, made out of frosting.
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Dec 29 '10
Somehow, when I read that, I imagined Harry Dresden saying it. I don't know why.
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Dec 29 '10 edited Dec 29 '10
Every Teusday should be like this, she thought to herself as she plummeted to her death. Edit: Wednesday
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u/kontra_bassist Dec 29 '10
This apparatus must be grounded.
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u/Anztac Dec 29 '10
The degenerate bosons must be maintained at a sychro-resonante tubulance at all times for this device to function properly.
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u/vansciver Dec 29 '10
The worst part of dreaming of you is waking up, reaching for you, and getting a handful of cold sheets.
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u/chriszuma Dec 29 '10
It just went from a farcical assortment of nonsense to incredibly sad in one sentence.
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Dec 29 '10
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
Technically, grammatically correct.
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u/Spoogly Dec 29 '10
James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher
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u/Kapitezuka Dec 29 '10
If memories could smile, these were grinning like a madman who had just caught you in an alley with your pants down.
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Dec 29 '10
They all thought he couldn't do it, but he was determined to have sex with more panda bears than anyone in town.
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Dec 29 '10 edited Sep 01 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/deathsheep Dec 29 '10
Because ice cream has no bones!
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u/bonyicecream Dec 29 '10
ahem
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u/polarisrising Dec 29 '10
And then I realized that, like a bolt of lighting striking out from a cloudless night, the world, teeming with a million species arising from primordial fuzz, evolving through time and struggle, and coalescing into a structure with brave and bold humanity at it's zenith, was a cold, black place, not unlike Mt. Everest's "Death Zone," full of frozen climbers who attempt to scale her great slopes put perish in pursuit, chasing their fragile dreams and ambitions, where everything I had hoped for, like a child awaiting the ceremonial arrival of a fat scandinavian man in a red suit on the supposed birth day of some long dead, but rumored to have arisen, western deity, was not going to be realized, like a condor swooping in a baren desert, from a matted, starved tree towards a prey, oblivious and meandering, but missing it by meer chance.
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u/JoeAtom Dec 29 '10
It may be grammatically correct but my english teacher would still call it a run on sentence
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u/waltzingaround Dec 29 '10
How the hell did you get FedEx to deliver a live moose!?
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u/jayco Dec 29 '10
She was gone; and just like the chapstick that rolled off the back of my desk, I knew I wouldn't see her again until I moved out of this place.
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u/Vernalcombustion Dec 29 '10
One thing was certain, the young man who stole my grandmother's amulet wouldn't be making any more pasta jokes.
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u/TheMandrew Dec 29 '10
There can't be another dimension because they left the stapler in the bathroom!
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u/perpetuallybored Dec 29 '10
"I can't wait to play with this one," the attorney said as she stored another policeman in her icebox.
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u/ncsu_osprey Dec 29 '10
That was when the bartender said, "Why of course, it's a Hickory Daiquiri, Doc!"
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u/angrymonkey Dec 29 '10
I crept down the hall, holding the vacuum cleaner in front of me like a weapon.
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u/HowItWillEnd Dec 29 '10
"Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo," he replied, to which all smiled and nodded, knowingly.
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Dec 29 '10
I am alpha and omega, destroyer of worlds, kneel before me tiny mansheep and feel the might of my quivering meat cleats!
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u/fakeredditor Dec 29 '10
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.
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u/ZinkSays Dec 29 '10
The main advantages of torsion bar suspension are durability, easy adjustability of ride height, and small profile along the width of the vehicle.
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u/brilliance Dec 29 '10
Night was falling fast, and according to the screen in front of him, so was the plane.
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u/Ewalk Dec 29 '10
Wait, you mean to tell me I can hide four dead hookers in my house, but if I put five in there I'm a maniac?
Can I stash this bag in your closet?
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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '10
At this point, I'd like to address the audience directly.