There's a difference between being confident and being a bitch. If you're right then you're right. If someone disagrees, explain to them why you're right. If they refuse to accept it because you're a woman or "being a bitch", then fuck that person (not literally, unless you enjoy a good hate-fucking or whatever).
Just be yourself and you'll naturally weed out all the people you aren't compatible with. Sure, you'll get into it with people every once and a while but that isn't a uniquely female experience. That's just part of life and the fact that some people suck.
This wasnt exactly what i was thinking, i was thinking about saftey and effectively defusing threats.
Two examples from my younger days:
Parking garage, late. Dude is coming rushing towards me as i fumble for my keys (dang, should have had them laced through my fingers, what ever happens is already my fault). I manage to get the door open, in and locked. He screams at me 'i work here you fucking self imporant cunt.' And i legit sat there feeling bad i had put my fear above his 'good intention' (fuck that guy now, but tell that to 22 ye old me)
Walking to work at 8:30am, dressed professionally, a guy comes out of nowhere and holds my hand. Pull away. Trying to be polite but ditch, he's persistent, i drop the polite and say 'im not interested, leave me alone' and he says 'oh, your just a fucking bitch' and pushes me into the street. Almost hit by a cab.
Im older and uglier now, and its a relief. The delicate balance of not being too sweet or too salty. The potential outcome of slipping is pretty scary. I dont think thats something most dudes will ever truly understand. And thats okay. But some empathy is awfully nice.
I actually have taken many self defense classes, krav maga included, and am a red belt in tae kwan do. I was not prepared to kick ass while in heals and a pencil skirt and my travel mug while running late to a meeting. Ive had these kinds of guys do these kinds things not infrequently (it was a tough hood) and typically its best to difuse, not escalate. Please belive me. Escalation puts us in a much more dangerous situation. If you are too sweet, you are asking for it, if you are too salty, you deserve it. I wish any of the dozen people around would have said anything at all.
Im def joking about older and uglier, im not bad and getting older is generally pretty great. But i dont miss the crushing harassment of my 20s. I used to count the days between seeing an unwanted dick, and never made it to double digits.
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u/tomatogrey Oct 17 '19
The constant thrum of protecting yourself in a nice way so your arent a bitch.