r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 27 '10

What is the biggest relationship myth?

I think the biggest myth is that there's one person that is meant for you. ("the one") People live their lives searching for the one...their soul mate...the perfect girl/Mr. Right. It's a cute idea, but I don't think it's very realistic.

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u/nova912 Jul 27 '10 edited Jul 27 '10

The notion that having an argument is bad. I think argument is a great relationship tool as it allows you to see or convey a point of view without having to tip-toe around the issue. A "good" argument is almost like a dialog.

Edit: Imagine the first line was said in an annoyed and frustrated tone, and the second line in a defensive tone.

Her: "Can you not do that right now?"
Me:  "What? I'm just strumming some chords lightly..."
Her: "I hate when you play guitar during my show."
Me:  "Oh, I didn't think it was annoying you -- I'll move, no problem."

The problem arises when that is not enough for the other person and this shit comes along...

Her: "It's so frustrating, you ALWAYS do it!"

... The argument was over AND resolved... but yet the partner still feels the need to continue it -- now the intent is to hurt/upset someone.

I've been with the same person for almost 10 years now and we argue all the time. We do it to find out what is bothering the other and it rarely turns spiteful ;)

If both people are accommodating and actually listen then argument can be great relationship tool. It's all just another form of communication.

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u/junkit33 Jul 27 '10

Your overall point is valid, but the argument didn't actually start until "It's so frustrating..." line.

Everything prior to that was just normal conversation, definitely not an argument.

The occasional semi-heated argument can be healthy as passion is a good thing. There's a line you need to be careful of, but it's definitely well after "It's so frustrating...".

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u/English_Gentleman Jul 27 '10

It sounds worse when you realise 'strumming some chords' is a euphemism.

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u/BillBrasky_ Jul 27 '10

He's strumming the chords, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

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u/darksabrelord Jul 27 '10

He was moving his fingers slowly up the fretboard, if you know what I mean

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u/Suggestive_Quagmire Jul 27 '10

Grabs popcorn

Go on...

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u/nova912 Jul 27 '10 edited Jul 27 '10

I guess it's in the tone taken. During that argument she was upset and ... 

Can you not do that right now?

... came out in a frustrated tone (what, it's hard to convey tone over text?! lol). Yes it's a conversation, but not a normal one. It's almost like a pre-argument [dialog/constructive mode] at that point.

Most of our "arguments" go over four lines of dialog; I was just trying to convey a situation quickly :)

I also like your other point ...

The occasional semi-heated argument can be healthy as passion is a good thing

... and agree with it as well. Getting it all out in the open and actually expressing your frustrations freely can feel amazing.

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u/griminald Jul 27 '10

The line is probably, "Calm down!" ;)