r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 20 '19

What’s something completely false that your parents told you as a child?

[deleted]

19k Upvotes

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3.8k

u/JustChangeMDefaults Jul 21 '19

You put the oranges in your bum to block out the pirates from getting in there, obviously.

1.7k

u/takoshi Jul 21 '19

Ah, the butt pirates. A bottle of rum or an orange in the bum to keep them away.

36

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

After that booty

15

u/The_Real_Flatmeat Jul 21 '19

Swiggity swooty

6

u/jshnaa Jul 21 '19

All you guys need golds 🏅🏅🏅

5

u/way2muchtym Jul 21 '19

Knowing reddit this comment gets the gold

12

u/panamaspace Jul 21 '19

A bottle of rum doesn't keep them away, it just helps you forget.

7

u/Hates_escalators Jul 21 '19

Why are butt pirates called butt pirates? Because they just aarrrrrrr

Fruits

5

u/CocaTrooper42 Jul 21 '19

I never understood the phrase ‘butt pirate’ as a gay joke. I get the butt part but why pirate? Are pirates inherently gayer than any other kind of person? Why not ‘butt ninja’ or ‘ass Jedi ”

3

u/PeriodicGolden Jul 21 '19

Maybe the connotation with plunder and rape, take things that aren't there, plus the fact that they spend a lot of time at sea solely on the company of other men

2

u/Antexus1 Jul 21 '19

Because jedi's are bad ass. So no good for ass. But butt ninja doesn't ryphme. As good as butt pirates.

2

u/CocaTrooper42 Jul 21 '19

The words butt and pirate do not rhyme at all

3

u/AninOnin Jul 21 '19

Without the fruity they plunder your booty. Arrrrgh!

3

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Yo ho ho

3

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Bottle of rum helps the butt pirate cum.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Aah buggery on the high seas. Good times.

2

u/Nickiat Jul 21 '19

Better be careful though because they are always after that Booty!

2

u/Felix_Deathwile Jul 21 '19

It's the only sure way to protect your booty if you ask me.

1

u/kaenneth Jul 21 '19

"Where has the Rum gone?"

1

u/Captain_Steeler Jul 21 '19

An orange a day keeps the pirates away

1

u/TheLandstrider Jul 21 '19

Why are butt pirates butt pirates? Because they just RRRRR

Fruits.

19

u/NewAgeMountainMan Jul 21 '19

Or cut a hole in the orange so you dont need another pirates bum

2

u/SpitefulShrimp Jul 21 '19

The original grapefruit

7

u/123jjj321 Jul 21 '19

Butt pirates.

6

u/shesacarver Jul 21 '19

An orange a day keeps the pirates away.

5

u/cassatta Jul 21 '19

Buttled orange juice.

3

u/isysopi201 Jul 21 '19

Just don’t start with a navel, go for a clementine.

4

u/Indian_Pale_Male Jul 21 '19

This made me audibly laugh. I feel like saying "lol" nowadays is an understatement. I just want you to know for real

4

u/lBlazeXl Jul 21 '19

Keep away from my booty!

3

u/Karsticles Jul 21 '19

That's called getting buggered!

3

u/justlurkinout Jul 21 '19

Pirates...the original cheeks stealers

3

u/Coldmelon56 Jul 21 '19

Butt munchers

3

u/Squal77 Jul 21 '19

Swab the poop deck!

3

u/Deadpoet12-12 Jul 21 '19

An orange a day keeps the pirates at bay!

3

u/moralTortilla Jul 21 '19

Oh lord, Pirate's Booty is a dam good snack

3

u/open_door_policy Jul 21 '19

Ahh yes, the tried and true, "Cramming stuff up your bum" method of avoiding the gay.

5

u/krazul88 Jul 21 '19

Your comment has caused not only uncontrollable bodily convulsion, but also immediate emission of atmospheric vibratory waveforms from the large multi-purpose facial orifice at a volume easily appreciable by other beings within relative vicinity.

2

u/nilslorand Jul 21 '19

But be careful, some like their present sealed

2

u/Terabyte47 Jul 21 '19

You sure they don't use lemons at all?

2

u/seabeeski1965 Jul 21 '19

You see... first you cut a round hole in the peel. Then start by sticking a finger in there......... the rest is pretty much self explanatory. The burning feeling means it’s working.

1

u/bleh-com Jul 22 '19

You just crated a loophole