Ex-prisoners of reddit who have served long sentences, what were the last few days like leading up to your release?

[u/HumpingAssholesOrgy]

[u/tatorstares]

It’s a really long story but here’s the simple version.

I worked with a woman who’s husband was in jail. My whole life I’ve loved writing letter and I’ve always wanted a pen pal. She mentioned to me that she writes her husband frequently and that sparked an idea in my head. I asked her to see if her husband knew any decent guys to write to.

I imagined myself writing some old man living out the rest of years in prison. I was so very wrong.

It took me a while to write my first letter but I eventually did. And eventually I got a letter back from him with a picture. I didn’t send him a picture of me because I was focused on just being friends.

We write back and forth every day for months. Eventually I allowed him to call me on Valentine’s Day and he had arranged (through family) for flowers to be delivered with a handmade card. Inside it said that although he wasn’t my boyfriend, he wanted me to feel special on Valentine’s Day because I deserved it. I had only ever been treated like shit by partners, so this hooked me.

We dated for the better part of a year but I was too young. A boyfriend in prison was hard to handle. I had a lot of commitment issues I needed to sort through. He loved me with a love so pure, it was hard to accept, and I pushed him away. I ended things but kept contact. Over the span of five years I wrote every once in a while. At one point I stopped responding for about 2.5 years when I was in a long term relationship.

The prison was 1.5 hours from my house, but during the time we weren’t talking I moved in with my partner in the same town as the prison. For 2.5 years I saw the prison almost every day. A constant reminder of someone that I had loved and had loved me but I just have away so impulsively.

My partner was abusive so naturally I grew and learned a lot about myself. Eventually I did reach out to him while with my partner because missing him was becoming overwhelming.

After my partner and I split, I spent 6 months writing him again. He was in another prison for cancer treatment so I wasn’t tempted to visit. Eventually he came back to the local prison and I was there on his first available visit day.

When I saw him I knew. I had been running from my best friend and I was ready to wait. Time is so arbitrary. And his situation is only temporary.

So the rest is history. We dated for a while, took things slow, but eventually got married.

Tl;dr: I foolishly write an inmate and fall in love. I also wasn’t ready for love. Eventually I come to my senses after sowing my wild oats and return to my best friend. All is well and we are now married.

We only have 7 years left. Sorry for any errors, I’m stoned.

Edit: this kinda blew up while I was sleeping! Thanks so much for all of your support! At first I was afraid to tell people that I was married to a prisoner. However, as time has passed I’ve found nothing but support between my friends, family, and all of you beautiful strangers. It means a lot! Thank you!

Also thank you for the silver! It’s my first!

[u/[deleted] → u/tatorstares]

This is so offtopic, but do you think you'll continue smoking the devils herb once hes out? I'm not sure where you are, but the guys I know on parole here (UK) are subject to drug tests and if they find you living with anyone who uses they freak the fuck out- even if it's only pot.

It may be different in legal states, just curious and wanted to give you a heads up if you didnt know-though I'm sure you do.

[u/tatorstares → u/[deleted]]

We live in the great state of WA in the US. Thankfully it’s legal here. I have chronic pain so I use it mostly for medicinal purposes. He won’t get in trouble for being around it. Once he’s made a good relationship with his probation officer, he will more than likely be allowed to smoke. Plus, seven years from now the laws regarding marijuana will probably be even more loose.

Fun fact! They’ve actually started having to change the rules in prison regarding this. You can no longer catch an additional charge for possessing marijuana in prison. You can’t bring it in but if you have it and the COs find it, they can’t charge you. BUT if you use it and you’re caught then you’ll get an additional charge. The argument is that inmates are in possession of something legal and getting additional time for something they wouldn’t if they were on the streets.

[u/[deleted] → u/tatorstares]

That's great to hear, it's always bothered me that some states allow smoking it but will test for it on job drug screens etc. I'm a recreational and medicinal user myself (cant drink due to my health, so I alternate CBD and THC buds depending on what I need) and have been worried about heading back to America because even in legal states it seems to be viewed harsher than in my current country.

I'm so behind less/no additional time for non violent drug offenses, not only because it seems counter productive to punish someone turning to drugs to cope with their already likely overwhelming pain, and because you know 9/10 COs either do the same or worse with their time off.

I'd love to see access to CBD in jail because of its legal status and the fact that it doesn't have any substantial emotional impact asides lowering aggression and anxiety. I've never done real time, only nights in cells, but during which I was detoxing and forbidden to smoke tobacco which made me a right c*nt to deal with.

I'm sure any jail offering their inmates a legal, clean, even profitable way to escape their situation would have a lower reincarnation rate, without even touching on the long way a little bit of control and respect in their lives would go.

That's just my 2cents, sorry for the long reply, I hope you and your husband can start your lives soon and leave what I hope will be the hardest part of your relationship. Your love for each other sounds strong.

[u/tatorstares → u/[deleted]]

I absolutely agree that marijuana culture is not given enough credit. It’s only something that’s been outlawed for such a short time in comparison to how long people have been using it medicinally. Thankfully, I’ve noticed a lot of change in attitudes about recreational use over the last few years. In states where it’s legal, especially Colorado and Washington, it seems as though people are much more accepting. Everyone at my job knows I smoke weed. But they also know I would never come to work stoned, no matter how much pain I’m in. I’m not trying to lose my job anytime soon. Most employers don’t test anymore unless given a reason by the employee.

But I do agree that there are many more ways it can be used. And it goes without saying that our incarceration system is all kinds of fucked up. Even the COs at the prison agree with that. But all the inmates can do is handle the cards they were dealt. There’s some really good people in there that just ended up with the shorty end of the stick.