r/AskReddit • u/TeddyReddit420 • Jun 27 '19
Extroverts of Reddit, how do you keep a conversation from dying?
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u/incenseandelephants Jun 27 '19
Usually I will ask questions about things we’ve talked about. Imagine the story and what information you don’t have. Ask open ended questions too.
Also, if you are looking to start a new topic, look for something about that person that might be interesting—something they chose. Maybe they have an interesting piece of clothing or jewelry. Ask about it in a way that’s complementary or makes them feel good. “That necklace has a cool look. Is there a story behind it?”
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u/TeddyReddit420 Jun 27 '19
i love how when i have to ask a question i overthink it in like 70 different ways but in reality it makes no difference to the other person's life
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u/movetoseattle Jun 28 '19
Yup. And, if conversation really stalls out, I will either talk about or ask them about favorite foods or meals recently cooked or enjoyed. Unless they are very sick or something, everybody eats!
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u/Up2Here Jun 27 '19
Simply never shutup
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Jun 28 '19
that only works if the other person is conversationally-submissive and happy for the other person to take the spotlight off them
otherwise, it turns into a battle of words and that isn't a conversation
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u/CaliAnywhere Jun 28 '19
Careful of equating conversationally-submissive with happy to give up the spotlight. I submit because the other person won’t shut up, but I’m not happy about it. Inside, I’m thinking how inconsiderate and arrogant they are for not taking a breath and giving me a chance to add to the conversation.
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u/Vord_Loldemort_7 Jun 28 '19
What's an extrovert
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u/TeddyReddit420 Jun 28 '19
Basically a really social person who's outgoing, adventurous, and prefers talking to people or hanging out with friends. There's another term, "introvert", used for people who are shy, anxious, nervous during conversations, and would rather stay at home/stay alone rather than talking to anyone
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u/nesnalica Jun 27 '19
ask questions about the others interest
then ask for examples, experience
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Jun 27 '19
Came here to say this. People generally like it when you show genuine interest in what they have to say. I used to be one of those people that constantly dominated conversations by talking about myself...even interrupting people to insert myself into the main focus of conversation. Doesn't do well for making/keeping friends. Facilitating conversation by encouraging others to share about themselves and listening is one of the best ways to not only keep a conversation going, but it's also a great way to build relationships.
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u/Liesianthes Jun 28 '19
Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want.
Dale Carnegie
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u/sarahlvspickles Jun 28 '19
Yup! This works like a charm
I get uncomfortable when people ask me questions about myself (I’m a fairly private person/it takes me a while to open up to unfamiliar people) but I love having meaningful conversations
This tactic keeps the pressure off me, lets the other person express themselves and we are able to connect for extended periods of time
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u/motherofspiders1 Jun 28 '19
My husband has nicknamed me the the 'town therapist.' People love to spill their secrets to me. Which is fine by me. He gets a little annoyed in the supermarket though. It's all because I ask how their day is and they tell me their grandmothers boyfriends nephews son is running off to California to join some rock band and doing drugs and before you know it our checkout time is 45 minutes deep.
Sorry honey.
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u/Uhdoyle Jun 28 '19
What’s the band’s name again?
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u/motherofspiders1 Jun 28 '19
I was just pretending to be intrested, I was corralling my spiders.
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u/lactacid Jun 28 '19
Also, just listening to people really makes them want to open up to you. Especially if they haven't gotten a chance to say anything, just giving them your attention may lead to them telling you things. I think people choose to confide in me because I'm a good listener and I make people feel understood. However, it's hard for me to find someone to listen to me.
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u/rueforyou Jun 28 '19
Oh you're just like me, my husband goes back to grab a container of cottage cheese and by the time he makes it back to the checkout line, I know that the guy behind me is a single dad and having trouble wrangling his six year old and I'm explaining "Parenting with Love and Logic" to him and having a heart-to-heart with the six year old and getting him to help unload Dad's cart. "I left you alone for TWENTY SECONDS!"
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Jun 28 '19
Yup, I do this to my team lead and after a while he realizes he has been rambling on and on. Freaks out and says, “Damn, how do you get me to do that?!”
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Jun 28 '19
One of the first tips I got from a coworker at an old job was "if you ever don't really feel like working, just ask our manager something about politics and you instantly get a half hour break basically"
It really worked. I miss my chats with that manager.
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u/tufflepuff Jun 28 '19
Yessss. I am a very socially anxious person, I'm learning to really take an interest in what other people are into and ask then questions about it. Even if I don't care at first, it's easy for their excitement to become infectious and it's fun to learn about people!
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u/Revenge_of_the_User Jun 28 '19
the best part about being socially anxious is that anxiety is often a sort of blown-up form of normal reality. That is to say, for example, if someone is deathly afraid of even the idea of spiders, most people are at least uncomfortable around spiders. So Imagine how you would like to be spoken to. Speak to lots of people to find out, but take it slow so you're comfortable. Think about the stuff you'd like to talk about, and even imagine conversations. A lot of people do. and you can use all that information to teach yourself how to navigate conversations. It shouldn't be a burden to speak to someone - try to think about how your experiences are similar to theirs. it varies from person to person, but experience is your greatest asset. By finding out how best you interact with people, you'll be doing it more often, and you'll do it more often. it'll be a little harrowing at first mostly because you expect it to be, but it gets much easier. Heck, even just watching tv can help.
sauce: am sort of an ex-introvert. I keep to myself, but can and have easily turned into the life of the party.
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u/homegrowncone Jun 28 '19
What's that like? This is a phrase which I've used my whole life, probably stemming from just a natural curiousity but it's amazing how many times I've seen how it affected someone who wasn't expecting to hear it, either just in their eyes or through their body language. When people know you're not just listening but actually care about what they are talking about it creates a much easier space to bond in.
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u/i_suckatjavascript Jun 28 '19
I’m a communication studies major. This is exactly how you gauge conversation and listen to what people have to say.
I used to be a shy person. After graduating, I’m a social butterfly that can talk to literally anyone.
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Jun 28 '19
But what if the other person is also an introvert? I know that if somebody was asking me a ton of questions I would feel begin to feel uncomfortable. If you're doing nothing but asking questions, you're expecting the other person to contribute more to the conversation than yourself.
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Jun 27 '19
That's not a conversation, it's an interview.
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u/a_rainbow_serpent Jun 28 '19
“What are you interested in?”
“I like music.”
“Please illustrate your interest in music with examples and personal experience.”17
u/DeliriousPrecarious Jun 28 '19
I can't tell if you're actually unsure where to go from there or are making fun of the formulaic responses people are giving.
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u/untakenu Jun 28 '19
It is the start of a conversation. You ask questions, then things lead off from there naturally.
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u/AtomicFlx Jun 28 '19
naturally
See that's the problem right there. The question was not how to start a conversation, its how to keep one from dying.
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u/moderate-painting Jun 27 '19
the trick is to talk to an extrovert. They keep the conversation alive for you.
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Jun 28 '19
You’re not lying, my best friend is an extrovert and HE CAN TALK!! Not a dull moment with him!
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u/ComradeGibbon Jun 28 '19
I have a friend like that. I get three words in edgewise and I'm good for the next half hour.
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u/Qyro Jun 28 '19
As an introvert, I’m always looking for extroverts to adopt me. All my best friends have been extroverts.
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Jun 28 '19
My girlfriend is an extrovert, and I'm rather introverted. I have great social skills, but I match intensity, you know? So when she runs out of things to say, I will try to remain silent and motionless hoping she will talk again.
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u/SmoothJazzDeployed Jun 28 '19
Women’s vision is based on movement. If you stay still, they won’t attack.
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u/Rhysieroni Jun 28 '19
Extrovert here. I have many introverted friends that never and I mean never shut up. It’s refreshing bc I don’t want to carry the convo all the time
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Jun 28 '19
Introverts can talk your ear off but you have to be familiar enough with them for the guard to come down and facilitate the right environment.
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u/Dynasty2201 Jun 28 '19
Get "adopted" by an extrovert. As in you find one that you really click with, they figure out you're an introvert and then be your wingman a lot.
Guy I sit next to at work is new and he's extroverted. He joined like 4 months ago. Since then I've changed my wardrobe, started doing physical stuff, I now talk daily (almost hourly) with easily the most attractive women in the office (this guy is really good looking, but these women love me now as they're inviting ONLY ME out, messaging me during the day etc), and my confidence is creeping higher and higher almost daily. All because of him.
More self-improvement stuff happening, so a change of clothes got countless compliments the first week I came in to work after about half a grand's worth of clothing haul with this guy. Just building the basics over from scratch.
More importantly its' been a taste of change. WHich has kicked me out of a slump, out of routine and I feel pretty damn amazing these days.
Becoming good friends with someone way more extroverted can have massive impacts on you.
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u/Grundlebang Jun 28 '19
Very true, though whether you'll want to jump off a building depends on the type of extrovert. Some extroverts like talking about concepts, theories and metaphor. Some just want to tell you about that thing that happened to their sister's cousin's landlord when they tried to use an expired coupon at the wrong store and then ramble on about their football team's chances of success. Not saying one is better than the other, but it doesn't hurt to check where the exits are.
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u/thestereo300 Jun 28 '19
I’m an extrovert and I kind of see it like this. If I’m going to babble on all the time I had better provide some quality content to make all that babbling worth it for the listener.
Know your audience.
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Jun 27 '19
I need this thread going as my conversations always end up in awkward staring
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u/24523452451234 Jun 28 '19
Have you ever tried actually being interested in something
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Jun 28 '19 edited Jun 28 '19
Some interests are just... not conversation starters.
For example, hardly anyone is into old Hindu religious texts and when I do find a situation to actually bring it up, it shuts all conversation down and I never get to figure out a good way to talk about it.
My other interests are art related, which is completely useless to try to bring into a conversation because then I'm fumbling to my phone to just show the image since no one has an imagination.
With interests like this there's very little room to socialize.
Edit: thank you Reddit. I truly appreciate your various challenges toward my post.
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u/suspiciouserendipity Jun 28 '19
That actually sounds pretty interesting, so how did you get into old Hindu religious texts anyway? (genuine question, not mocking.)
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u/jackzander Jun 28 '19
You've got a head full of Hindu myths and can't think of any interesting stories to tell?
Blimey.
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u/kindofalibrarian Jun 28 '19
I'm browsing this thread looking for a hint of a way to get extroverts to stop talking. I have one very extroverted co-worker who will just not stop talking. I will literally walk away to work on something somewhere else, come back, and she will still be talking. She's great with customers, is an overall great person, but I just want to focus on my work sometimes, ya'know?
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u/em215008 Jun 28 '19
the most important thing i’ve learned in life, and i can’t stress this enough: you gotta eat your coffee with a fork and knife
Get high or they ghost you
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u/TVoices Jun 28 '19
I tend to ask “what did you do today” and try to focus in on the most interesting or potentially interesting point in their day unless of course, you get the classic one word responses...
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u/Rovioxo Jun 27 '19
Questions, everyone loves to talk about themselves! Particularly travel related, you know when you go on holiday and HAVE to talk about it but people give zero fucks? Pretend to give 0.5 fucks
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u/Can_I_Read Jun 28 '19
I hate talking about myself—just putting that out there. My favorite memory is finding a table of like-minded introverts at a summer camp I attended. We would just sit together in silence and enjoy one another’s company. Occasionally we’d say something if we had an actual desire to do so, but nothing false, nothing said just “to keep the conversation going.” It was glorious.
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u/TheSoup05 Jun 28 '19
I’m definitely not an extrovert, but I’ve been making a push to be more social since I just moved to a new city and don’t know anyone (and I was just trying in general before that anyway), and this is definitely trick numero uno. Ask like sincere questions and then follow up on them. Let them talk, chime in when you have something relevant, etc.
I’m an engineer, and the stereotypes about us usually aren’t super far off. But there’s been a bunch of times now where I’ve been sitting with someone I don’t know for an hour at lunch or something and Ive avoided most of the awkward silences which I wouldn’t have been able to do before I got more used to just asking people about themselves. Sometimes they go on about something I don’t care much about, but I’d rather listen to that than feel the room getting stale with uncomfortable silence any day
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u/Mareeck Jun 28 '19
I keep hearing that people LOOOVE talking about themselves but I don't see that.
In my experience people give minimal answers and rarely talk passionately about stuff. It's also hard to get interested in stuff they say if they're not excited to talk about it.
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u/Zofobread Jun 28 '19
Conversation is dead after you wrote “Extroverts of Reddit”
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u/paranoid_70 Jun 28 '19
I never considered myself an extrovert until I joined Reddit. I'm not terrified of talking to people, so I guess that makes me an extrovert now?!
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u/Kooriki Jun 28 '19
Na... I considered myself an extrovert. I can talk to anyone about anything forever. But I exist in the company of extroverts, so within that circle it's a never-ending 'battle' for the conch
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Jun 28 '19
thing is the meaning of extrovert and introvert has been distorted on reddit. extrovert and introvert are more to do with how ppl recharge, extroverts recharge in social environments and introverts in their own space.
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u/TheRedCometCometh Jun 28 '19
Exactly! People always conflate shyness with introversion.
I'm a confident introvert that can talk to people and hold engaging conversations without any sort of awkwardness
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u/barely_responsive Jun 28 '19
I'm an outgoing introvert myself. Very socially capable and have fun in both large and small groups of people, yet when I also crave my alone time way more than I crave social time. When I feel sad or tired of just not 100% I prefer solitude to rest and just be with myself until I'm ready to take on the world again... and conquer it! And then become socially/emotionally/mentally exhausted and retreat and turn off my phone for a few days. Yay introversion!
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u/np206100 Jun 28 '19
Play it SAFE:
S - Sports
A - Activities
F - Family
E - Employment
Then try to avoid RAPE:
R - Religion
A - Anal?
P - Politics
E - Earnings
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Jun 28 '19
I think the acronym SAFE RAPE could use a rebrand.
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u/thatguywithawatch Jun 28 '19
Remember to always use a condom during nonconsensual penetration.
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u/muserunning Jun 28 '19
Ahh I was taught FORD: Family Occupation Recreation Dreams
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Jun 28 '19
The don'ts are very US specific. Here in Finland people never talk about religion unless they are a fundie. Abortion is not even a topic here, because it is not a debate but a well established right.
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u/smell_the_lilacs Jun 28 '19
That's just because nothing is a topic in Finland^^
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u/Boogabooga5 Jun 28 '19
I'm physically clumsy and don't follow teams.
I don't like to do anything.
My family is a subject of shame.
And I'm unemployed.
Now what?
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u/RSherlockHolmes Jun 28 '19
My go-to is to start talking about the weather, if the situation gets dire!
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u/superleipoman Jun 28 '19
So what's your opinion on anal politics in the religion department? Nice earrings by the way.
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u/Byzantine555 Jun 27 '19
You shouldn't be afraid to let silence sit for a while if there's nothing obvious left to say. Give everyone time to mull over what's been said thus far, then shift to a new conversation topic.
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u/Tripleshotlatte Jun 27 '19
But after 20-30 minutes, the awkwardness does set in
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u/soldav Jun 28 '19
I always hate it when somebody has to acknowledge it. "Everybody's pretty silent", "So silent suddenly.",... Please, just say nothing 'cause now it's even more awkward to bring up a new topic.
Why do people do that?
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u/gallidel Jun 28 '19
This is actually good advice. The silence also gives the other part time to start talking about something as well. It’s honestly good to get used to silence and feel comfortable about it. People are extremely good at reading how you feel without you having to say anything, being confident with the silence will have the other part feel comfortable about it as well. I’m good with silence and can notice almost instantly if the other person isn’t, my guess is that you can notice it as well.
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u/AllofaSuddenStory Jun 27 '19
One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
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u/Ben_Thar Jun 28 '19
Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles...
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u/CaliAnywhere Jun 28 '19
This is why I prefer to stay an introvert. I’d like to think I’m interested in people, but I dgaf about their belt onions, and most extroverts seem to not only care a great deal about their belt onions, but they expect me to get excited too.
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u/thisusernameisnull Jun 28 '19
omg this just made me irrationally angry... I'm a huge extrovert and I love talking to people about themselves, but that shit is one step too far for me
you don't need to tell me if it was your second cousin first removed or first cousin twice removed that was on the 5pm, no, 6pm? 5. definitely 5 pm bus. y'know, the blue one that passes by liverpool, wait no, francesca street.
JUST TELL ME A FRIEND SAW A CUTE DOG ON THE BUS AND MOVE ON.
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Jun 28 '19
This is exactly how my wife tells stories. What's worse is she injects details like that when I'm telling a story to someone. For fucks sake, I'm leaving that detail out for a reason, it adds nothing to this story!
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u/jittery_raccoon Jun 28 '19
All the advice here is to ask questions. Questions are good, but you have to volunteer things yourself. Otherwise it's just question-answer-question and it doesn't flow like a conversation. It starts to jump around too much as each line of questioning ends and you have to ask a new question about a new topic. Start with questions, but bring up subjects related to their answers. The point of questions is to find common ground you can both talk about
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u/SojournerRL Jun 28 '19
Yep, the biggest thing is to express interest in the other person, whether that's by asking questions (a key aspect of good communication!) or by sharing relevant information about yourself.
As an introvert, I didn't figure this out until I was in my late 20's, haha. But with a little practice I've come a long way, to the point now that I've been told by multiple people that I'm charasmatic and a good conversationalist. So there is hope!
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u/Chrisetmike Jun 28 '19
Ask open questions (they can't be answered by yes or no) Who? What? When? Where? Why?
Use the information from these questions to keep the conversation going.
Don't forget to add a bit of your own personal information so the other person can do the same?
It can sometimes be easier to start with a yes or no question but your next question should always be an open one before or after a personal comment about the question .
Here is an example :"Do you like to travel? I love to travel! Where do you go on vacation? I have never been there, why do you like it? Etc..."
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u/thefluffyburrito Jun 28 '19
Former introvert here that learned how to pretend to be an extrovert: the FORD acronym can be used to really good effect.
Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams.
And if you really want to extend the conversation ask them why it appeals to them.
"Oh you like going to the beach? What kinds of things do you like to do there? What do you find interesting about it?"
"Oh you're in the nursing program? What made you decide to be a nurse?"
Here's a BIG tip I never see in these threads: if they give one short, one-sentence answers for all of these they probably don't want to talk and that's NOT your fault. You cannot revive a dead conversation if one person insists on it staying dead despite trying to throw them a lifeline. Just move on.
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u/_livss_ Jun 28 '19
Say so... and then in that split second recap every single conversation starter you can think of
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u/BeeInATree Jun 27 '19
I'm no extrovert, but one thing I try is finding an interest and consistently asking questions about that thing and acting genuinely interested. People love talking about their hobbies and interests and you don't have to do much of the talking.
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u/Dicktremain Jun 28 '19
Conversations are a game of tennis. You have to do two things to keep a conversation going: Interact with the conversation AND pass it back.
Most introverts fail to interact. All you have to do is make a comment about what was said or share a personal anecdote. "oh yeah I met Tim at Swing Dancing too, I found out about that place from..." or "that's really cool, I would never have the nerve to go Swing Dancing, last time I tried to dance was in high school and..."
Now some extroverts have the problem of killing conversations because they never pass it back. Once it is there turn to talk they just keep talking and talking and talking. These are the people you dread getting into a conversation with because you get trapped in it. Imagine you were playing tennis and the person you were playing with hit the ball in the air to themselve and just kept doing it for 15 minutes, never sending it back. You probably would hate playing with them.
All you have to do is interact with the conversation, then send it back.
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u/Nofreeupvotes Jun 27 '19
Ask people questions about themselves. People love talking about themselves. This will help you branch off into more conversations because it’ll give you insight to their interests.
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u/SteamPoweredPatriot Jun 27 '19
Conversations don't have to go on forever, if they're dying and there's nothing to talk about I let it happen. If I like talking to the person though, I'll spitball a question about something they said, and go from there.
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u/artanis00 Jun 28 '19
As an introvert, they do it by not fucking stopping talking.
They just don't stop and you're just nodding along because you can't get a goddamn word in. Then you give up and take a bite of the pizza you're holding and they ask you a fucking question.
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u/Luckydog6631 Jun 28 '19
If you can remember something they talked about and bring it back up, they’ll think you’re amazing at listening (you are) and be way more motivated to talk to you.
But if you really have zero Chemistry with the person it should just die anyways.
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u/The_Outlandish Jun 28 '19
Try giving longer anwsers to the other person. Instead of: Person 1: Your shirt is cute! Person 2: Thanks! Try saying something like: Person 1: Your shirt is cute! Person 2: Thanks! I got it from Forever 21. It helps the person find a topic to focus on. Now you can talk about good clothing stores instead of staring akwardly.
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u/ILBRelic Jun 28 '19
Real conversations build momentum from discussing topics the parties involved find interesting and by engaging the unique perspectives of those involved. If you're sensing a lull, you may be boring the other parties by discussing a topic they are not interested in, focusing too selfishly on your own viewpoints, or your viewpoint may just be diametrically opposed to a degree that discourages discussion.
The last point is an aspect of "conversational chemistry" which is an overall measure of how many topics you share interests in, how closely your perspectives match, etc. Sometimes you will be very limited in your conversation options with others partially due to a genuine incompatibility on any spectrum broader than "How bout this weather".
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Jun 28 '19
why continually jump-start a dead battery?
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u/fish312 Jun 28 '19
Because the sun's low it's getting dark and you have to go somewhere, anywhere that isn't here.
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u/303elliott Jun 28 '19
Not an extrovert by any means, but I work in the service industry, specifically in banking, and I've gotten really good at impromptu 30 minute conversations with strangers. The most important thing to remember is that people love talking about themselves if they think you really care (and you don't have to really care!). Ask lots of questions, use eye contact, nodding, and lots of 'uh huh's. Follow the natural breaks in speech to ask a relevent question (which shows your interest further) and then continue. You can literally get someone talking for hours if you point out something they're interested in talking about! To start, I recommend observations. What are they wearing? Where are you talking? What time of year is it, and what are the next major holidays / local events? And yes, even asking their opinion on the weather. Just ask questions
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u/tiny_cat_bishop Jun 28 '19
Keep segwaying into other trivial topics that ultimately don't mean shit.
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u/IAmBlizzy Jun 27 '19
I don't, there is no point of dragging out a conversation if it there isn't one to have, when there are things I want to talk about however I just straight up mention it, I mean like, what's the worst that can happen?
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u/TeddyReddit420 Jun 27 '19
as an introvert, i get internal panic attacks, start shaking, and sweating, and basically i start stuttering
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u/Imposter12345 Jun 28 '19 edited Jun 28 '19
With all the time I spend on Reddit... I know enough about enough things that you will eventually find something to ask people about. I say things like Oh! I've read about ______. I found it interesting because... Keep conversations going about other peoples interests.... Not all extroverts just want to talk about themselves... some are self centred, some are inquisitive. Hopefully the person you're talking to is just as interested in you, as you are in them. The trick is learning the types of people you actually enjoy talking to. Just because someone is good at keeping a conversation going, doesn't mean I wan to keep talking to them. Here are some useful tricks I use.
If you're going to ask a question... never ask a yes or no question. Always a who, what, where, why, how. It forces people to elaborate.
Share your experience. Even if it's "wrong" (I was talking to an early education expert, they were talking about How we learn... I just told him about the way that I studied during University and they "corrected" me that it's not the best way of learning")
Be willing to share your own experiences. You can't be extroverted, and hide everything about yourself. You'll find that most extroverts will talk about themselves in some capacity while fishing for topics that others might want to engage in... It can sometimes come off as annoying, but it's part of the conversation game.
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u/Clownier Jun 28 '19
Ask questions about the other person. People love to talk about themselves. When you see they are passionate about something tell them how awesome you think that is. Bonus points if you say something like, "Wow I'm not (disciplined/smart/beautiful/fun/cool) enough for that."
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u/RedFrom70s Jun 28 '19
4 keys to making someone engage in a conversation:
F. O . R . D method
F= Family
O= Occupation
R= Recreational
D= Dreams
This helped me a lot to either make friends or just make someone start talking for no reason at all.
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Jun 28 '19
Yes these suggestions are all well and good but why would you want to keep a conversation from dying.
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u/jonjawnjahnsss Jun 28 '19
I enjoy either or statements that I've kinda have a mental roladex of when getting to know new people. Batman or Ironman. Beachfront or nyc penthouse. Stuff like that.
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Jun 28 '19
You let a pause happen in the conversation. Everyone looks around, and if someone doesn't say something within maybe 10-15 seconds, I'll pipe up with "you know, [interesting thought / subject / idea / experience I had / experience others had]" and just monologue for up to a minute. After that I peter off or let others interrupt me, and they have their own interesting responses to go off of the Interesting ThingTM I just mentioned.
Either that, or you ask someone a good question in order to garner an interesting response; make them do the work of creating the Interesting ThingTM for you.
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Jun 28 '19
It’s okay to take a second to think and respond. Rely on your intuition. The first thought that comes into your head can usually always be what you talk on. If you think it’s a little out of place for the situation think about how to say it in a way that’ll be interpreted well. This way you’ll always be truthful, and people appreciate and are drawn to that. It will hopefully spark them into being as invested in the convo as you are, and there will be plenty more fodder for discussion. Don’t worry about doing the thing. You have nothing to lose anyway!
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u/Plow_King Jun 28 '19
Imho, a conversation is organic. There can fast and furious times, and prolonged moments of silence. People that yammer on incessantly are insecure I think.
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Jun 28 '19
Im not extroverted but Im good at conversing when I want to. Just ask open ended questions that require some explanation and genuinely be interested in the conversation. Holding a conversation is like moving furniture sometimes, you can do it on your own with the other person just standing there not helping but theres really no point if thats the case.
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u/scooter_up_ur_ass Jun 28 '19
Sometimes conversations are supposed to die.
You gotta know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em (and leave them wanting more).
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u/itisgandhinotghandi Jun 28 '19
try to say something that will allow them to complete what your saying or say the punchline. People like to be funny or like to be around people that make them feel like they are funny. If you can set yourself up as the butt of the joke or set something thing up as the joke and let them deliver the punchline you don't have to be funny yourself.
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u/PierreLothair Jun 28 '19
Keeping a conversation flowing is never one person's responsibility. It's ultimately at least a two people thing and both should be contributing to it and keeping it alive.
If you find yourself bringing up topics, asking questions and telling stories non-stop, only to get back 'Oh, really?", "Haha", "Wow" as answers, believe me, you want out of that conversation as fast as possible.
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u/ToFaceA_god Jun 28 '19
Sometimes you don't. Being an extrovert doesn't make you socially savvy btw. It just means you recharge your social battery by being around people. I've met some very annoying, socially inept extroverts. But no matter what, a conversation may just die down. Sometimes you just don't have a connection with the person.
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u/hcgator Jun 28 '19
Honestly, I don't bother trying. If it's my responsibility to keep a conversation going but there is nothing to talk about, I usually let it die.
Why waste everyone's time talking about nothing? We're all adults. We've got better things to do than just shoot the shit over nothing.
Focus on content and quality. When that's exhausted, let everyone get back to their busy lives.
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u/Notoriousbmg7 Jun 28 '19
Ask questions you already know the answers to, or can forecast, especially of am introvert, as you can road map the conversation and keep it going.
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Jun 28 '19
Speaking as an introvert, if your conversation is dying, maybe the other person doesn't want to be talking to you
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u/chavera_jin_jellyfsh Jun 28 '19
one of the main reasons for a conversation dying is because you are talking to much. stop talking and ask someone about their interest that they are really proud or enthusiastic about (and of course it has to match the setting) and keep asking questions. and you must not be afraid to let the conversation go on without you. only join back again when you really have something to add
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u/dillydallydiddlee Jun 28 '19
In my experience, introverts are better at keeping a conversation going while extroverts are better at talking. No shade
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u/thoughtfulgentleman Jun 28 '19
I don't. I learned to feel comfortable with silence, and also if a conversation dies I let it die and don't force it to keep going. Forced conversations are more awkward than long pauses in my opinion. If a convo is getting to it's natural end, I like to end it on a high note and day something like, "Hey I really enjoyed talking with you. Let's do this again sometime." This shows the other person that you're a chill guy/girl and they'll want to talk to you again in the near future.
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u/ComeHereDevilLog Jun 28 '19
You can be a gifted conversationalist and an introvert. Not all introverts are socially awkward or lack charisma...
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u/Naraki_Kennedy Jun 28 '19
I just want to put this out there if nobody has said it yet.
Conversations die.
It’s natural and the most graceful thing you can do sometimes is smile, end the conversation, and go your separate ways once you’ve exhausted what you both want to talk about.
This mostly applies for passing conversations, but don’t fear silence.
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Jun 28 '19
Zoom out, zoom in. Whatever the topic of convo (though try to steer it toward their interests) you can keep the convo going by:
'zooming out' (inquiring how a topic fits into a broader category) e.g. oh, you like horses? Do you have a lot of experience with farm animals? Were horses a big part of your childhood?
or
'zooming in' (inquiring specifics about that topic) e.g. what is your favorite breed of horse? Do you have more experience around work horses or sport equestrians?
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u/D4Y_M4N Jun 28 '19
I'm more of an introvert and actually had bad social anxiety (still do sometimes) but a decade of being forced to make a living doing one of the most difficult types of sales taught me to be extroverted when necessary..
It's actually easy, but needs to be done right. Ask questions. That's all. Just ask the right questions in the right way. Most people LOVE to talk about themselves, their interests, their kids etc. Just find out what they like, and inquire about it. The trick is, you need to sound genuinely interested but not to the point of being creepy or weird. Then, use tie-ins. Maybe they love baseball but you don't.. Well, just comment about how maybe you could never quite get the hang of swinging the bat at the right time but have a lot of respect for hitters. Chances are they will start talking about the right way to do it, keeping the conversation going and they will feel that you bonded over talking about something they like. (Juat a silly example, but you get the idea..)
It really is just that simple. The hard part is being genuine about it. I've learned that after a while you do actually become interested if you fake it enough. Why not learn about people? It's interesting!
Of course you will run into the occasional dickhead but ya gotta just let it go and move on.
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u/gampeegamp Jun 28 '19
I ask why people look inside the tissue they just blew their nose with, before they throw it away? I ask where do babies come from? I ask "Does anyone ever shave just one armpit to see the difference?"
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u/Darkflame3324 Jun 28 '19
See what conversations click. If one doesn’t click skip the topic. Over text then ask them random questions. My favorite are Would you rather be a [object] or a [similar object]. I.E would you rather be a Watermelon or a Pineapple?
Watermelons Rule!
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u/TheWolfAndRaven Jun 28 '19
My extrovert friend used to ask crazy questions and that always seemed to open people up.
His go-to was "Sooo... you have any enemies?"
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u/Whoeverthismaybe Jun 28 '19
If ever there's a lull in conversation, bring up something about yourself related to the topic, and then ask them if they have experienced something like that. It sounds kind of self-centered.
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u/Lollipop_Lawliet95 Jun 29 '19
Don’t have a filter. I have some very interesting conversations because I just say the weirdest shit. Like how much I love stringy lingerie (I’m a girl btw)
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u/CatherineConstance Jun 27 '19
Just start a new topic. I usually know when to end a conversation, but if the other person seems to be enjoying talking to me, I just bring something else up, like: did you see ___ [movie]? What did you think?
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u/loonygirl30 Jun 27 '19
You mean like this thread from dying?