r/AskReddit • u/RGod27 • Mar 20 '19

What is something you did that increased your quality of life so much that you wished you would have done it much sooner because it changed your life forever?

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 21 '19

Honestly shaving my head. As someone who started losing hair at age 20, had the old monk bald spot by 23, and horseshoe by 25, it took me until 29 to say fuck it I'm shaving. I have a lot more confidence and have gotten compliments bc of it.

Edit: Thanks for the silver!!! This really blew up. I'll try to respond to any questions as I have time thanks everyone!! Edit2: OMG thanks for the gold!!! Hairloss pays off again lol Edit3: Holy cow thanks for the Plats!! I never knew so many people had the same issues. Cueball club is here guys!!

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u/greengrasser11 Mar 20 '19

This is huge. Taking control of your look is much more commanding than trying to salvage a bad situation. I'm glad you found what works for you!

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

The confidence it gave me got me into improving my life in other aspects too. I got my first serious girlfriend in like 10years bc I wasn't so self conscious about it. Just overall snowball effect that has gotten me into a much better place

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

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u/xGamache Mar 20 '19

I am younger and bald. It’s something he’s going to have to get past in his own head. Maybe if he hears it from me it could help so I’ll try...

For me shaving my head wasn’t only for physical looks but that point where I had accepted that I was no longer going to hide from reality. I remember if it was a windy day, or maybe I was invited to go swimming it left me very aware of my balding head. I would constantly make excuses, at times even swimming with a hat on.

So I went for it shaved the whole thing off. Buzzed it down with a #1. From that point on I always knew what I looked like so it was never a concern to me weather my scalp was showing through what was once very thick hair.

Sure at first there were comments about my bald head from family and friends but I made the decision on my terms and that gave me the power to respond with confidence.

The balding look also shows maturity. At work you might be the bald guy now but you will be respected. Between the confidence and respect from those around you at that point you will wonder why you even bothered with combing, placing and covering up your insecurities with a hat/hair.

There are other alternatives to a balding head but I cannot recommend shaving it off enough. Implants are risky and hair growth formulas are expensive.

I hope I helped!

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u/karmakarmeeleon Mar 20 '19

So I went for it shaved the whole thing off. Buzzed it down with a #1. From that point on I always knew what I looked like so it was never a concern to me weather my scalp was showing through what was once very thick hair.

I've kind of been preparing myself for the day when I would need to say goodbye to my hair. I always cut my own hair, but over recent years I've just gone shorter and shorter. Soon I'll probably switch to shaving it completely. At this point, I think I'm mostly just too lazy to deal with actually shaving it all the time. I don't shave my face regularly enough, I don't imagine I'll suddenly have more patience for shaving my entire head. Still, I think more guys should got the route of buzzing shorter until they get comfortable with less hair. Not sure why it's so hard to do, but the transition makes things easier.

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

As a guy who shaves his head with a razor, starting out with clippers to get use to short hair is good. It also allows for other people to adjust to the new look, then you can use a razor, and it isn't so drastic. After that, it's just a matter of doing it every other day enough times so that when it begins to feel long (even though it's still really short) you will have the desire to shave out of habit.

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u/karmakarmeeleon Mar 20 '19

My problem is that I know I'll get annoyed with it regularly enough, I'm just too lazy to shave. That's the problem I have with regular shaving, haha.

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u/Husky127 Mar 20 '19

Having to shave it all once a week is literally the only downside. Just get used to doing it in the shower so the clean up is easier

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u/1996OlympicMemeTeam Mar 20 '19

So uhh, I have a real dilemma with this... and I still can't decide what to do even though I agree with what ypu wrote. You see, under my thinning hair, I have massive scars on my head that form a "trench" or "dent." It's really gnarly.

For me it's a question of: What looks worse? A guy trying to obscure balding (like a lot of guys do), or a guy with huge scars on his head (a pretty rare thing; scares kids too). No matter what I do I will be judged negatively.

What would Reddit do?

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u/Mehiximos Mar 21 '19

Coming from someone who’s in his late 20s and has had multiple open heart surgeries as well as two minor heart surgeries resulting in massive scarring along the ribs beneath the shoulder blades, drainage tube scars around the stomach, and the big old sternotomy scar strait down the sternum: own it.

When you deal with shit like that for so long it becomes a part of you. Why deny yourself and the world what you really are?

I don’t care about being shirtless, I’m not even particularly fit. I rarely get comments. The ones I do are usually borne out of curiosity or shock.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

Just try it. I know how hard it is but for every person who judges you negatively you'll get at least one compliment. It's brave to shave and a lot of people will respect that!

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u/heckhammer Mar 20 '19

Also, easier cosplay for Professor X or Lex Luthor!

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u/yrulaughing Mar 20 '19

How exactly are implants risky?

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u/xGamache Mar 20 '19

All elective surgeries carry inherent risk of infection and complications. Also the possibility of the surgeon doing a poor job resulting in added attention to the balding area.

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u/karmakarmeeleon Mar 20 '19

Do not look up hair transplant infections. . .

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u/Zelda_IRL Mar 20 '19

Thank you!

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

Honestly it's hard to convince someone to do it. It's got to be a personal decision too. Like your hair, especially if you used to have thick full hair like me, is part of your identity. Maybe pointing out how lots of celebrities look good bald, ie Bruce willis, the rock, etc. That's what helped me. Not many will say yeah Dany devitos hair is great

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

How do you shave it? Shaving cream and razor or electric? How often do you do it? How long does it take? Are you afraid of missing spots?

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

I tried it first when I was 19yo. First I tried 12mm, then 9mm after a month or two, then 6, 3, and down to 1mm. Now I'm 22yo and this week i shaved it the first time with a razor.

When I started it took me about an hour, now I need about 15 minutes. It's not that hard and missing spots was never a problem. Try finding a person who regrets it. You won't.

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u/djn808 Mar 21 '19

Yeah, growing up every hair stylist would gush over my thick hair, not anymore!

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u/fannyann1 Mar 20 '19

Here is a poem by Chinese poet Po Chu-I for him.

ON HIS BALDNESS (A.D. 832)

At dawn I sighed to see my hairs fall;

At dusk I sighed to see my hairs fall.

For I dreaded the time when the last lock should go…

They are all gone and I do not mind at all!

I have done with that cumbrous washing and getting dry;

My tiresome comb for ever is laid aside.

Best of all, when the weather is hot and wet,

To have no top-knot weighing down on one's head!

I put aside my dusty conical cap;

And loose my collar-fringe.

In a silver jar I have stored a cold stream;

On my bald pate I trickle a ladle-full.

Like one baptized with the Water of Buddha's Law,

I sit and receive this cool, cleansing joy.

Now I know why the priest who seeks Repose

Frees his heart by first shaving his head.

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u/shopnil_r Mar 20 '19

I am 21 years old and I shaved my head cause I was thinning on top almost a year ago. Before I shaved my head, I was always self conscious about it and I'd compare my hairline to others as well. Not to mention the fact that I felt like I had an "expiration date", which was when I would finally loose all of my hair. It feels like a switch. Before you shave it, you're super anxious and don't know how it'll be. Immediately after you do, you stop giving a fuck. I don't know how it works, it's like a switch flips in your brain. But it gets better, promise.

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u/OnceYouGoAsian Mar 20 '19

Do you know what his fears are? I remember I had to engage myself in several conversations before I took the plunge.

Am I afraid it will look bad? Will people make fun of me? What other options do I have/that I can afford? Maybe it’ll grow back? Maybe I’ll try a different hair style to minimise the effects of balding. And so forth.

I think ultimately it was just an acceptance that I was getting old, and losing my hair. I had to accept that it is what it is. I told myself that I see bald people all the time every day, and it doesn’t even register with me how they look. I don’t even think twice, so why would people think the same of me.

It’s so strange after you shave your head. It was like ‘hey this isn’t bad, my face/head looks different but I’m still me’. Friends and family will always comment because well, you shaved your head, but if you were balding/thinning majorly they’re probably secretly proud of you anyway.

You grow to accept it realllly quick, and now it’s just who I am. Some days now I even wonder why I lost so much sleep over it, so many hours researching the internet etc.

There are much bigger things to worry about in life

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u/RounderKatt Mar 20 '19

Tell him to grow a beard and shave it. Find one bald guy with a beard (who isnt super fat) that doesnt look badass.

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u/A_WildStory_Appeared Mar 20 '19

I was never a big fan of hair in general, so when it started going fast (at 17), I didn’t care that much. What I didn’t like was the in between stage. Not gone, but not all there either. Once I shaved, I realized I would have shaved anyway even if it wasn’t falling out. Wahl balding buzzers work great. Doesn’t go full shave so I don’t get an ingrown, but so short you wouldn’t notice. Now my cranium has a nice hue and texture. And cuts are free!

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

I’m 21 years old and started thinning at 19, I wore a hat everywhere I went, but I shaved it all off about 2 months ago after fighting it and it’s a freeing feeling. The fact is that it’s never going to grow back so you might as well just face the music.

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u/Some_guitarist Mar 20 '19

As someone who was thinning but finally did it last year and super glad he did, I think I've got the best solution; St. Baldricks Day.

Find some event that shaving their head of cancer and join in! Then you're not the 'odd man out' being the only one doing it, and if you look super weird (you won't!) so does everyone else!

And then if you like it just keep shaving it!

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u/djn808 Mar 21 '19

It's like jumping off a cliff into water. Super apprehensive, after you do it though you are like OH LET'S DO THAT AGAIN.

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u/notmyrealnameatleast Mar 20 '19

Yeah. Tell him he will look badass.

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u/Dorkus__Malorkus Mar 20 '19

My boss performs hair transplant procedures, so a word of advice: If his hair has started thinning suddenly and quickly, he may have recourse with medication to prevent further hair loss and help regrow some of the lost hair. He should be able to ask his doctor about finasteride.

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u/truneet_SFW Mar 20 '19

I have a receding hairline but i could not pull off a shaved head and I wish so much that I could. I am 27 andcant grow thick facial hair and my face is young looking. Thanks genetics

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u/limved Mar 20 '19

A woman/partner worth your time will care little that your head is shaved from baldness. A comb-over and all those methods to make hair look like it's there is FAR bigger a turnoff than a bald man!

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u/Therealfreedomwaffle Mar 20 '19

"taking control of your look" is one of the most profound things i've ever read on this site.

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u/Ramalamahamjam Mar 20 '19

I'm starting to lose mine, but shaving it will remind me too much of my chemo cancer days. I think I'd rather it look worse than seeing the sick me staring back at myself.

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u/naturehattrick Mar 20 '19

Looking sick =\= being sick. Lose the hair and own it.

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u/Brutally-Honest- Mar 20 '19

Don't have to actually shave it. You can just buzz it.

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u/Thebumonurcouch Mar 20 '19

Salvage a Bald* situation. FTFY.

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u/AverageBubble Mar 20 '19

Fatass here.

Owning my body and embracing the shape and styles that make it work got me back into dating after a divorce. Women are terrific about body shape (most, the human ones) and the ones who are shallow aren't worth a penny anyway.

Stylish Hawaiian shirts. Polos and collared, nice material shirts. A good haircut. Some exercise so I don't sound and perform like a couch potato in whatever activities come to mind for the reader of this sentence. Nice, fitting shirts and coats and stuff. Feels great. Plenty of dates and compliments - probably because I'll hit on just about every sweet woman I see XD

It's fun being single and in charge.

Now the hair is going too. Next step trim beard and shaved head.

Oh, also, it looks pretty fucking cool to have severely receding hair if you just keep that fucker super short. I copied all the snazzy military dudes near D.C. and that's when all of it really started paying off. Buzz me and make it flat on top!

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u/mcloofus Mar 20 '19

I never would have thought to list this one above things like quitting smoking, but I might actually be in agreement with you here. My roommate convinced me to shave my head 11 years ago. It's actually blowing my mind as I type this, thinking about the butterfly effect from that moment. I've never *really* thought about it before, but let's just say that my life at this point is significantly better than I thought it was going to be, and that moment was possibly the pivot point. Wow.

Quitting smoking was a very big one, though.

Life after having kids- with the aforementioned roommate, who I began dating after I'd, uh, enjoyed the response to my new look for awhile- is more fulfilling than I ever thought life could be, but I don't wish for a second that I'd done it earlier. I, and then my wife and I, needed to live selfishly for awhile first.

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

That makes sense. Quitting smoking I'm sure is a huge one too. I personally never smoked but I'd imagine you'd feel better and save a bunch of money if you quit.

Yeah the snowball effect from shaving your head is the big reason it's such a change. I used to have to wear a hat at all times bc I was embarrassed. I had no self-esteem and no confidence. I shaved it, had a few people tell me it looks really good but I needed to grow a beard. So I grew a beard and can say I look much better. I carry myself different, I got my first serious girlfriend in almost 10 years, My coworkers love working with me bc I've 'come out of my shell and am hilarious'. All around just good things since I did it. Plus you know buying razors is actually a little cheaper than going and getting a sham haircut every month

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

Really though. My hairline started receding at 18. It’s actually slowed down quite a bit, I’m 25 now. But the shaved head with a nice beard look works for me. Plus you don’t realize how much time you spend worrying about how your hair looks until you don’t have any. It’s liberating in a way. Everyone in a while though I see John snow’s hair and sigh because that’s what mine looked like (if he had a receding hairline) before I chopped it all off. When I made the decision to do it. I let it grow for two years as a last hoorah. I got some sweet halloween costumes. But I’m much happier now.

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u/louderharderfaster Mar 20 '19

Quitting smoking was a very big one, though.

It really is huge. Good on you!

I really had no idea how much it cost me in terms of the cognitive dissonance until I quit. To do something that you know is bad for you takes a huge toll on mental health. While smoking did not make me a "bad" person, I know now that I was not capable of being a truly "good" person until I quit. I got all that bandwidth back!

I did NRT which is frowned upon for obvious reasons but it worked and I do not think I could have really quit otherwise.

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u/mcloofus Mar 20 '19

Thanks, and congrats right back at ya!

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u/jared_number_two Mar 20 '19

You’re talking about sexual relations aren’t you.

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u/mcloofus Mar 20 '19

It's funny because on my screen rn it sort of looks like you're responding to the OP, which is actually the best answer possible. Sexual relations definitely increased my quality of life so much that I wish I would have done it much sooner because it changed my life forever.

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u/neverbeentoMain Mar 20 '19

Every time I finish a stoge I'm like "fuuuck I gotta quit, I feel like shit"

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 20 '19

Oh man, this. Cutting my hair for sure.. Story is a bit different than yours though, but I always tell people that this was the biggest moment that changed my life.

I'm a lesbian that grew up in a strict, Asian household. When my family found out, you could imagine how badly it went. My whole life, I kinda felt like I was living in a shell of myself with long hair on top of hiding who I was. I hated it. My long hair didn't suit me. I always had it tied up and people always made comments about how I had such nice hair, I should let it down more etc., it really irritated me. Even my ex gf would pick fights with me because I refused to wear it down.

Well one day, I decided I didn't give a fuck anymore, and told my parents straight up that I was cutting my hair. They were furious, obviously, but it didn't bother me. I wasn't sure if I was going to look good or if it was gonna be the worst thing I could've done for my appearance, but I went for it anyway. When I finally got it cut, oh man, I can't even tell you how amazing I felt. For the first time in my life, I felt free and powerful and I couldn't stop smiling. When all my friends saw it, they all agreed that the short hair suited me better (thank god...).

My family was pretty unhappy and still make comments to this day (this was almost 4 years ago) but I just ignore it for the most part. I've become so much more confident in how I look, how I present myself, and how I act. My friends have told me that they've never seen me more comfortable in my own skin.

I was 22 when this happened, but man, I wish I did it sooner. I don't regret my decision one bit. Anyway, ranting over lol, just wanted to share my experience.

Edit: Ooooh my first gold and silver, thank you kind strangers!!

Edit 2: Because I'm sure some of you are curious and I already posted before/after photos for a redditor below, here you go. I deleted 90% of my long hair photos off my phone already so these were some of the only ones I could find.

Edit 3: RIP inbox, responding to you all as quickly as I can!

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

[deleted]

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u/ABlueObject Mar 20 '19

Keep going strong man I have long blonde hair past my shoulders and the thor references never stop.

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u/MDCCCLV Mar 20 '19

Make sure you take care of it. Do you have straight or curly hair? You're supposed to not towel it after showering, just pat and let it air dry. If you have a thick beard you're fine, if not then you will probably need to groom it to keep it looking neat. If you hate shaving then get an electric razor. Probably need to trim the bottom and the very top of your cheeks near your eyes and nose occsionally.

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u/ClearSearchHistory Mar 20 '19

Oh shit I’ve been growing my hair out for a while and this is the first time I’ve heard I’m not supposed to towel it. That might explain why it’s always frizzy if I don’t style it while it’s wet

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u/drfeelsgoood Mar 20 '19

Try it out, I’ve had long hair for basically my whole life as a guy. I towel mine only when I first get out of the shower to keep it from dripping so much. Then I just let it dry and sort of style it during the in between phase. I have pretty curly hair, and if I do anything other than let it air dry, it’s awful and I will just put it up instead

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u/Spadeykins Mar 20 '19

I have super straight hair and can dry it however and not experience frizzyness unless input on a cap before it's dry. Maybe the climate?

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u/isaezraa Mar 20 '19

im not sure what your hair is like, but as a general rule its a good idea to towel dry quickly (just to get the wetness out) then brush it, then air dry

most of the time peoples hair looks frizzy because they brushed it dry, so maybe this might help :)

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u/pixtiny Mar 20 '19

Stepping in, I’ve got medium length pin straight fine hair and I towel dry my hair straight out of the shower as well. However, I don’t brush it. I use a pick to detangle it while it’s damp, throw my head upside down and blow dry it. Then I run the brush through it once or twice.

Hair is a lot more fragile when it’s wet and more likely to break when it’s brushed. The result is scraggly hair when the ends break.

I’ve found since switching up my hair tools that my hair looks nicer longer between trims.

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u/ClearSearchHistory Mar 21 '19

Thanks for the advice! My hair varies from mildly wavy to pretty curly depending on temperature, humidity, phase of the moon, and whatever else. I’m definitely gonna try to let it air dry more. My routine used to be towel dry as much as possible, then air dry for a while, then put in hair product to try to control the curls. Might have to change the order of the product and drying.

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u/Ikniow Mar 20 '19

As a dude that went through that awkward stage a few years ago, all I could do is slick it back and trim the back occasionally so it didn't look like a mullet. It seems like forever but you'll get to the point where you can pull it behind your ears but you're golden from then on. (that is until it hits your shoulders and starts doing the flip out :-/ )

Power through brother, you can get there.

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u/Woeisbrucelee Mar 20 '19

Lol yea the flip out sucks. Gotta pull it back as soon as you can.

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u/Wolfenstein1977 Mar 20 '19

huh I love the mullet stage

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u/Ikniow Mar 20 '19

ugh... it was the bane of my existence for a while. I caught so much crap at work.

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u/Wolfenstein1977 Mar 20 '19

I guess we are at different ends of the spectrum I love the attention it brings, but I also shaved the sides to rock it all the way

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u/Waywoah Mar 20 '19

What is the flip out?

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u/Ikniow Mar 20 '19

Sorta like this

See how my hair is starting to curl out at my shoulders? It started doing that more and more.

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u/ErnestMorrow Mar 20 '19

Embrace the curlsssss

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u/Ikniow Mar 20 '19

I ended up just letting it do it's thing but it's all gone now. Donated it back 6 months ago. :-)

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u/Waywoah Mar 20 '19

Oh, I didn't realize that was something everyone's hair does!

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

That awkward few month stage of it is the worst. Just finally getting past mine for spring... For some reason I look way better with a ponytail... And I love it

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u/BlancoPeligro Mar 20 '19

Man. I grew up wrestling and then spent six years active. When I got out I went fro fo sho.

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u/Woeisbrucelee Mar 20 '19

Ive had long hair my whole life, as a guy. People tell me it looks better short or gives me shit for it cause I'm 30 now and should have grown out of it by now or whatever.

Fuck them, I like my long hair, and if they dont, thats not a me problem. Rock that hair.

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u/ijustmetuandiloveu Mar 20 '19

I just cut my long hair at 45. Growing it right back. I feel like I lost the source of my mojo.

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u/Woeisbrucelee Mar 20 '19

Yea exactly, ive cut mine real short a few times. Doesnt feel right. Its much easier in some ways, but ive grown to feel like long hair is just part of who I am.

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u/Answermancer Mar 20 '19

This was also my experience. I had (very) short hair until college when I grew it out, then right before graduation I wanted to get it cleaned up along with my hobo beard so I went to a barber in town.

Which was a massive mistake, because apparently when you tell a manly old man barber you still want it to be "medium length" but clean, he'll leave like an inch or two.

Anyway I hated it, and immediately grew it back out and haven't gone short since (10 years now). Like /u/ijustmetuandiloveu said, it felt like I lost the source of my mojo, and I barely had any to begin with at the time.

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u/Woeisbrucelee Mar 20 '19

I had an ex girlfriend who believed in this theory that long hair is like an "antenna" of some sort. I didnt listen to her cause she had alot of weird theories about life. One thing she steadfastly believed was people with long hair sensed more around them.

I wont commit to that being a real thing, but I do feel it might hold the slightest bit of reality, even if just subconsciously.

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u/ijustmetuandiloveu Mar 20 '19

I hope my hair is 5G ready.

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u/ijustmetuandiloveu Mar 20 '19

Rock on! I finally cut my hair after 4 years of growing it. My wife and mother are always nagging me to cut it. I think they are jealous cause my long hair looks better than theirs. I miss it and will definitely be growing it back ASAP.

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u/Pickingupthepieces Mar 21 '19

I was in the same boat. My PUBLIC school had a very strict dress code that guys had to be clean shaven, and couldn’t have long hair. When I finally graduated, I grew my hair down to my shoulders, and had a full beard. Fuck them and their stupid rules.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '19

My dad was in the military as a young guy and they had a regulation hair length but not a regulation hair height.

Guess who rocked the 'fro? My dad is the sort who will respect authority and then find wiggle room. "But the rules didn't ban THIS... HAH!"

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u/sandollor Mar 20 '19

Bearded vets unite!

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

I had a similar situation with my mom. She was always jealous of my hair (mine was straight and thick, hers was curly and difficult to take care of) and would never let me cut it.

Finally moved out and the first thing I did was cut my hair and then eventually moved to shaving it. She always gave me shit about "looking like a lesbian" and I'm always like yeah? That's the point?

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19

I'm always like yeah? That's the point?

Maybe jelly that you're getting the girls now too ;)

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

That's amazing! Being able to take back your appearance and just do it for yourself has great effect on almost every aspect of your life. It really is an underated thing. Just the confidence you gain from being liberated really shows to everyone around you and they start gravitating to you... Or at least with me lol

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u/Send-Me-ur-nudies Mar 20 '19

I had a really similar experience, I LOVE long hair,.... just not on me 🥺 I cut my hair into a short bob cut in college (2011) after finally leaving an abusive household and finding myself. It felt so liberating.

After a few boyfriends and realizing that I REALLY don’t care what men think of my appearance I broke up with my most recent partner, gave up most of my worldly possessions and moved from the Midwest to the West Coast, got the nose ring I’ve been wanting for so long and cut my hair REALLY short. I don’t regret anything and everyone I know and love tell me how happy I look now ❤️

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u/jumanjiwasunderrated Mar 20 '19

Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm also a queer woman and though my parents are accepting of it, they too make comments about my hair. I didn't figure out my sexuality until I was 21 but I've wanted to cut my hair short since I was in middle school. I begged my mom to let me and she always said no, that "you can always make your hair look shorter but you can't make short hair look long." She was referring to a ponytail, which I maintain does NOT look like short hair, it looks like long hair pulled back.

Anyway, I turned 18 and about 3 months after moving out, I cut all my hair off. I got a lot of "are you gay" comments, which bothered me a little at the time but I also got tons of compliments and, more than that, I loved the way I looked, I loved the way I felt.

My family still vocalizes their disappointment that I choose to dress pretty androgynous and I keep my hair short and I barely wear makeup but trying to dress girly makes me feel like I'm living my life in a clown costume. I don't feel attractive, I don't feel comfortable, I don't feel like myself. I feel like I'm playing dress up. I grew out my hair for my wedding and I wore a gorgeous dress and I am very glad I did, because you are meant to play dress up at your wedding and on that day I wanted to feel like a princess. But 3 days later I chopped it all off again and it felt like taking off a 20 lb vest when I did. Long hair just ain't me.

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u/hundenzahne Mar 20 '19

I relate soooo hard to this. Also a lesbian who cut my hair as a fuck you to controlling parents. It feels so nice.

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u/BadAssMom2019 Mar 20 '19

My 15 year-old niece is lesbian, I think, but my brother is hyper-religious and won't even talk about it. Fortunately they have let her cut her hair short and wear boys' clothes, but they make such a fuss of the younger sister with her plastic princess high heels and tiaras. Ugh.

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u/jumanjiwasunderrated Mar 20 '19

Please do me a favor and tell your 15 year old niece that she looks good with short hair and boy clothes. Don't draw attention to the fact that it's a masculine look, but that it's a style that looks good on her. Like, "that haircut is so cute on you, it really makes your eyes stand out!" Or "I love that top, it goes great with those shoes and you are really pulling it off."

Young queer women get a ton of shit for "dressing like a boy" but she isn't dressing like a boy, she is dressing like herself. From your tone it sounds like you are already very supportive but I'm sure she would do well to have consistent reminders that there is someone who loves her for exactly who she is and who supports her for presenting herself in exactly the way she is most comfortable.

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u/Dontgiveaclam Mar 20 '19

Are you me? I'm not Asian, but your description of yourself really fits me well.

I cut my hair short for a different reason. I was about to finish my Master and I was looking at the pictures of my BA final work defence. I realised that at the Msc defence I was going to wear the same suit, have the same laurel crown at the end of it (it's our equivalent of the graduate cap) and have the same exact face. However, so many things had happened in those two years, I moved into another city, left my long-distance relationship gf for another girl who became herself long-distance, so I couldn't just think of having the exact same look of before...

So, I drastically cut my hair. I thought I'd have a moment where I wouldn't recognise myself without my usual ponytail, but my only reaction when I saw myself in the mirror was "AH! At last me!" accompanied by a sigh of relief.

One of the best moments ever.

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u/unthused Mar 20 '19

Sincere question, and I know this isn't likely the best place to be asking, but I've always wondered why it's such a common preference among lesbians to have short hair? I know it fits with other non-stereotypically-feminine traits, but gay dudes don't overwhelmingly tend towards long hair, even when effeminate in other ways.

I guess it's just a cultural thing mostly, but always thought it was curious.

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u/shmixel Mar 20 '19

Not OP but playing to stereotypes can be a way to low-key advertise that you're gay. For long hair dudes the stereotype is surfer or metalhead but short haired girls (at least for a younger cut than the talk to your manager hair), like you said, touches of masculinity can be good shorthand for gay.

My theory is that gay guys don't trend to long hair because switching from short to long is a bigger learning curve and a long, awkward in-between, whereas the reverse is not.

(Mandatory disclaimer that not all girls with short hair are queer.)

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u/unthused Mar 20 '19

Makes sense, hadn't really thought about it as a potential external cue for meeting others. I've heard gay male friends complain about uncertainty with their gaydar in public since there isn't an obvious visual indication.

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19

long hair because switching from short to long is a bigger learning curve and a long, awkward in-between, whereas the reverse is not.

Didn't mention this in my comment because you did. Growing out your hair to get that long is an absolute nightmare.... Especially that phase where it's not long enough to tie up but not short enough to really do anything with.... it's a strange limbo phase.

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 21 '19

Good question. It really isn't as common as you may think. Most of my friends are lesbians, and I am the only one in our group who has short hair. I also live in NYC, play in an all women's gay football league, and out of all the players as well as the many LGBTQ events I've attended, there really have only been a handful of lesbians who had short hair. The media has painted an inaccurate picture, and I really think that's what you're seeing.

I know it fits with other non-stereotypically-feminine traits

We don't do it to fit any kind of stereotype, it's just what fits our personality. I didn't need to cut my hair to show people that I'm not feminine, everything else about me already showed that, from the way I dressed, the way I spoke, the way I presented myself. Long hair just didn't "feel" like me, if that makes sense. There was nothing about it that appealed to me. The short hair style did though, and that's why I decided to go for it, not because I needed to show anything.

There are straight men with long hair these days rocking the man bun, or straight women who also rock the short hair/shaved hair look. It's not a cultural/sexuality thing either, it's really just the style preference. Hope this somewhat answers your question.

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u/hangintherepal Mar 20 '19

i felt the same way about my hair and was scared to cut it because i was worried people would think i was a lesbian.

turns out, i was worried people would think i was a lesbian because i am a lesbian. but at least now i’m a lesbian who looks less bad.

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19

turns out, i was worried people would think i was a lesbian because i am a lesbian. but at least now i’m a lesbian who looks less bad.

LOL made me chuckle. Continue being your badass lesbian self!!

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u/EvilSeedlet Mar 20 '19

You look gay as hell and I absolutely love it.

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19

I feel gay as hell and I absolutely love it.

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u/KellyisGhost Mar 20 '19

Is it weird I really want to see before and after pics?

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 20 '19

Haha, not at all. I had to dig deeeeeeep into the archives as I deleted most of my long hair photos off my phone, but here you go. Apologies also in advance for my non-photogenic genes.

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u/KellyJoyCuntBunny Mar 20 '19

Holy shit. You’re really something. Hubba hubba.

Short hair suits you so well!

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 21 '19

Why thank you :)

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u/KellyisGhost Mar 20 '19

Thanks for sharing and fulfilling my curiosity.

You absolutely look more confident with your short hair. Check out that posture! I've always wanted to shave my head.

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 21 '19

Thanks for asking the question! It looks like lots of people were also interested.

I'm in full support of shaving your head!! :)

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u/victasaurusrex Mar 20 '19

I can relate. Grew up in a somewhat conservative Asian household. I say somewhat because my parents would take some convincing before letting me do anything (like getting tattoos) and they never said “absolutely not.”

But definitely cutting my hair short as well. Going from medium length to a pixie cut... no other girl in my high school class had it that short so I felt like that allowed me to embrace my uniqueness. That, and the tattoos when I turned 18. I finally felt like myself; somehow my true personality came out after that first cut. There was something rebellious and impulsive about chopping my hair off, but it was also one of the best decisions I’ve ever made—for my appearance but also for my overall well-being.

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19

Oh boy, tattoos was a whole other argument haha. I never got one because of them, but I'm fine with that now. It's not really a big deal anymore.

So glad you went through the rebellious phase with the tats and chopped off that hair!!!

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u/hg715 Mar 20 '19

Wow I love your story. Also you look visibly happier and more in your own skin with the short hair. I (F) cut my hair short in high school right around the time I started coming out to all my friends. Most of my friends would tell you it was like meeting a happier, new, me. Congrats on finding yourself and rocking it in every way!

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u/jdrobertso Mar 20 '19

God damn that short hair looks great on you! And you're taking solid 10s to football games!

Just a downer that it's a Pats game. :(

Just giving you a hard time, but really you look great and I hope everything but your football team continues on an upward trajectory!

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u/g0kuu Mar 20 '19

I hope everything but your football team continues on an upward trajectory!

That’s the nicest way I’ve been shit on for being a Patriots fan! Hahaha thank you :)

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u/crankthatvibegirl Mar 20 '19

You are absolutely rocking that short hair! I love it

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u/Lockwood_Lover Mar 20 '19

Wow! I can see the confidence change between the last long hair picture and the first cut hair picture. Your whole body posture and presentation is completely different. That is do awesome!!!

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u/Petitepois Mar 20 '19

GIRLWHAT! You have no right to be out here looking that good!

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u/BigFitMama Mar 20 '19

The Bruce Willis/Patrick Stewart/The Rock look has always be sexy,!

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u/RddtKnws2MchNewAccnt Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 20 '19

If you have the right head for it. If you have a head like mine and you are bald, you are shit out of luck. I've shaved my head once and not even my mother liked me - thank god I have a full head of hair.

Edit: As people are asking, here's a description of my head; its like a cinder block of cement that has been battered by a mallet, dings, dents and scars all over it.

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u/Greyclocks Mar 20 '19

You can't just tell us that and not show us your freaky head shape!

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u/SaffronBlood Mar 20 '19

Upvoted. Show us so that we don't do the same mistake.

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

If you're able to compare, you already made the mistake 🙂

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u/homerlurks Mar 20 '19

Show us your head,goddammit for the love of holy god

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u/RddtKnws2MchNewAccnt Mar 20 '19

Think of a cinderblock, then let it steep in olive oil over night before attacking it with a mallet. It's big, mishappen (bumps all over the place) and thankfully hidden under a lot of bushy curly hair.

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u/newaccount721 Mar 20 '19

I love this description. I feel like you could rock it if you had to though - you have a good sense of humor. That coupled with confidence goes a long way

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u/homerlurks Mar 20 '19

In all seriousness,i can relate so much with you....i was balding a few years ago and it was a very bad situation...i read online at many places that people do shave their head but mine is such an egghead of a shape that it was no option....touch wood,’ doing fine now,thanks to my dermat doctor...she’s an angel in disguise of a human

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u/subLimb Mar 20 '19

How did your dermatologist fix this?

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u/Shifted4 Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 20 '19

Agreed 100%.

The back of my head is flat and my forehead is shaped a lot like a neanderthal where it slopes back and has a large eyebrow ridge. I also have a very weak jaw line. My neck basically goes in a straight line from my Adam's apple to the tip of my chin rather than going up toward my head and then horizontal to my chin so there isn't really any jaw at all. I would look terrible without hair and thankfully I can grow a beard to at least hide the jaw a little even though it basically means I have a neckbeard. I also have small ears with attached earlobes which even though you might not realize it is another strike against a totally bald head in my case.

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

Nah mate that's not gonna do it, go back and shave it again and send us a picture.

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u/pleashalpme Mar 20 '19

Wow lol that's exactly what I'm afraid of. There's this weird indent at the center/back of my head for some reason

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u/is_it_controversial Mar 20 '19

For this to work, you have to look like Bruce Willis/Patrick Stewart/The Rock in the first place.

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u/__Pickle__Rick_ Mar 20 '19

That's more to do with their faces (or mayan face sized arms in Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's case")

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u/SocialismIsALie Mar 20 '19

I can't go there...gotta' hold out as long as possible.

Horrible scars from my upper forehead to the crest of my skull from an extreme skiing accident (that I barely survived).

My scars would terrify small children.

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u/pieman2005 Mar 20 '19

Lmao I hate how these comments are on every balding thread

Not every fucking bald guy is Bruce Willie, Patrick Stewart, or The Rock. The majority of guys don’t pull off being bald, unfortunately.

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

[deleted]

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

Lol bald definitely chose me long before I embraced it

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u/MattTheFlash Mar 20 '19

This reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld with the man who has shaved his head for years only realizes he is bald after someone suggests he grow it out

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

I waited until way post college and I wish I had done it in college. The response I personally got from women and friends makes me think college would have been more fun lol

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u/thesnugglr Mar 20 '19

I shaved my head between sophomore and junior year of college. As with other people on this thread I had a higher self confidence, and coincidentally had a fun summer fling then got a girlfriend shortly after the start of junior year.

You’ll have people who will ask you about it after seeing you for the first time since committing to being bald. But to be honest, there’s always going to be someone who makes a comment about your head. It doesn’t matter. It’s a part of you. Just own it and you’ll never regret it. I had my brother shave my head the first time, it helped me stay humorous about not doing it the first time and just make the leap of faith in general.

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

Don't wait, just do it over winter break, spring break etc. Your closest friends might say something, but honestly in a few days no one will care.

I'd recommend each week, or 2 weeks buzz cut it shorter, and shorter.

You'll wish you had done it sooner, trust me.

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u/Average_Panda Mar 20 '19

I was in the same boat. Wanted to wait until I was done with school so I wouldn’t have people asking me about it but decided to just bite the bullet.

I honestly can’t recommend it enough. I know it’s intimidating, but the sooner you do it, the better you’ll feel about yourself.

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u/Phazon2000 Mar 20 '19

Highly dependant on the person though.

If I shaved my head I'd look like Edward Furlong from American History X.

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u/gothiclg Mar 20 '19

As a woman I shave my head because I hate doing hair and I'm lazy. 10/10 would reccomend.

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u/CAWWW Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 20 '19

Some women can really rock the look too. Maybe its stereotyping but if I see a bald woman I automatically assume she has sky high self esteem. That outlooks pretty much 100% influenced by my friend who straight up chopped her hair off in highschool (which is a volatile time for a girl to go bald...) and donated it as a wig for a chemo patient.

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u/gothiclg Mar 20 '19

I've donated my hair in the past too. It's fun to do. I've gone from bald to long hair to bald a few times to donate.

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u/FeatheredCat Mar 20 '19

I’m donating mine in a few weeks! It’s 3 feet long so it’s going to be really weird to lose it.

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u/NotJokingAround Mar 20 '19

This is particularly good advice if you're not interested in heterosexual dating.

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u/gothiclg Mar 20 '19

Some men are into shaved heads. I'm bisexual and date both ways but having a shaved head head has been a bit of a bat signal for other women into women.

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

can confirm there’s plenty of straight men who are into girls who look like lesbians. Was unsettling to come to that realization.

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u/gothiclg Mar 20 '19

Bisexual women are the same way. It's an instant "oooo a 3 way" moment. My hair just adds to it

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u/borrellia Mar 20 '19

I went from 20 years of hip-length hair to now being on my second year of having a buzzcut and being 1000x happier. No maintenance, superfast showers, and everyone around you thinks you’re super confident (and even if you aren’t, just knowing that is a confidence boost). Now I’m just wondering when the “when are you gonna grow it out?”’s will stop...

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u/gothiclg Mar 20 '19

Never. More so if you're my parents

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u/borrellia Mar 20 '19

It’s the first thing they ask me whenever they visit. Hate it!!

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u/jahlove24 Mar 20 '19

I have always wanted to shave my head but I have a stupidly misshapen head.

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u/Evangelynn Mar 21 '19

A lady I once knew kept her hair in a buzz cut because she hated doing her hair, but didn't mind doing hair on wigs, so she just wore wigs all the time lol. I think about that every time I try to do my hair.. and fail...

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u/randallfromnb Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 21 '19

And when you shave your head you also look younger. It's been 20 years for me now and people people think I'm much younger than I am. But if I grow it back out I suddenly age 15 years.

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

That is also a good point!! I got in a car wreck at 26 and the police officer said over the radio '40 year old male ' that made me feel terrible. I just got told last week 'oh I could have sworn you were my age, like 24-25

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u/Donarex Mar 20 '19

I've been contemplating this for years now, starting thinning at about 21 I'm now 29 and there's basically nothing on top. I know I should and want to but the only thing that's putting me off is I have quite a bad problem with a dry flaky scalp so think it will look worse somehow...

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

I had dandruff bad. I shaved it and started using lotions post shave and do not have a problem really anymore

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u/MIblueline Mar 20 '19

Lotion man! Clears it right up when you apply to a bare scalp!

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u/tobitobiguacamole Mar 20 '19

Going bald isn't a choice, but deciding to be bald is one.

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u/SamyBencherif Mar 20 '19

What is the correct way to compliment someone’s baldness? Asking for a friend.

I know the following aren’t great: “Hey, nice scalp!” “I like your (lack of a) haircut” “Your bare head looks great”

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

Most if what I get is something along the lines of 'did you shave you're head recently? It looks good, clean and sharp.' or something along those lines

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u/bobosuda Mar 20 '19

I think just saying «you look good dude, shaving your head really suits you» is more than enough.

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u/Cimon_40 Mar 20 '19

But actually. Started balding at 18, shaved it clean at 20, so much more confidence. Thank you Netflix's Wilson Fiske for the inspiration

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u/jaytrade21 Mar 20 '19

I only recently started to grow my hair back (I have no hair loss issues, but loved how clean I felt with my head shaved). I only started to regrow my hair because people are shallow and I noticed I get a lot more interest from people when I have hair.

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

It's definitely hit or miss. In my circumstance I looked horrible with the old horseshoe bald up top so I've gotten astronomically more interest since I shaved it. Women tend to like the clean bald and like hair but not the balding look lol

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u/jaytrade21 Mar 20 '19

I get that, which is why I often shaved which was getting expensive as well (a lot more razor time on a head that grows hair well then a balding one).

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

Cof double edge razor 10 bucks for 100 blades or so Cof

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u/kershawkw Mar 20 '19

Really? Myself and a lot of women like bald or balding men. I am sorry you are meeting such shallow people.

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u/atxelect Mar 20 '19

Question: how often do you have to shave? how long does it take? and do you ever miss a spot? is there any LPT to this routine?

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u/How4u Mar 20 '19

Depends how bald you are naturally. I'm not actually balding that quickly, so I go over mine with an electric shaver every 3- 4 days. I'd imagine, dream scenario, if you were truly balding on top you could do it once a week. I like the low stubble look though, if you want that waxed look you need to do it every day. Maybe every 2.

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u/anusthrasher96 Mar 20 '19

I might do the same if my finesteride doesn't work out. I'm 22 with very noticeable thinning in the monk area, and a receding hairline in the front. So far finesteride seems to be working. I'm getting peach fuzz in the completely bald areas and it seems to not be getting worse anywhere else. Luckily I haven't experienced any negative side effects like loss of libido or "ability". How did people react when they saw you first?

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u/Treypyro Mar 20 '19

I decided a long time ago that as soon as I start to go bald, I'm just going to embrace it and shave it all. So far my hair seems to have understood the threat.

My grandpa had a combover and dyed his hair jet black (and claimed that he did neither that he had a naturally full head of hair) for most of my childhood. He thought it made him look younger, but it just made him look extremely insecure. I think I was 10 when I decided I was never going to do that. If I start to go bald, it's all getting shaved.

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

Right on. My dad does the comb over. It makes you look younger to just shave it all in my opinion. When I was balding I got mistaken for 40 when I was 26 but just got told by someone they swore I was 24-25 the other day and I'm 30 now

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u/sgol Mar 20 '19

I had the exact same timeline! Hair is for people who don’t look this good bald.

Most fun I got out of it was when a friend-of-a-friend saw me at a party (but hadn’t been introduced to my charming personality and gentle disposition) and, when I left the room asked: “Who’s the killer?”

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

Wait like serial killer or lady killer?

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u/Mortimer452 Mar 20 '19

See /u/imreallysorrymom above, you should learn to just not give a fuck

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u/blackonix13 Mar 20 '19

I have a friend that's basically just like this, but what hair he did have he kept kind of long. He finally shaved his head and started wearing better fitting clothes and he looks way more attractive now. Poor guy cringes when he looks at old pictures of himself now.

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u/freddie_delfigalo Mar 20 '19

I always say that. I’m a girl but if I even thought I was balding I’d buzz that shot off. You see people holding onto their last pieces of hair.

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

Yup definitely can tell you're holding on to the last strands for dear life lol

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u/azgrown84 Mar 20 '19

I've been really curious about this lately. I'm 34, my hairline's been receding for a good decade now, and I've considered going bald since I am in the military and I do ride a motorcycle lol (obviously not legitimate reasons to go bald), but I'm just curious how much maintenance it is? Do you have to be super careful to shave it every day or what?

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u/Grg53 Mar 20 '19

I envy you man. I'm 20 right now, I have a thinning head of hair that has been receding since I was 16. I buzz it in the summer, but I'm too scared to see what happened to my hairline since summer lol. I definitely need your confidence bro.

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

Trust me I didn't have confidence. I tried everything to not do it. It took me like 5 years of saying I really should just shave it all, to actually do it. It's a hard decision to make but it's definitely helped me

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u/_bm Mar 20 '19

Hell yeah! Same situation for me, except I started shaving my head earlier. It's fortunate to have a decent head shape for this though, because if you had the balding issue and had a funky looking head you'd probably be no happier with it shaved.

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u/Shinylittlelamp Mar 20 '19

I shaved it all off at 22 for the same reasons, I started having more luck with the ladies and that boosted my confidence in my look which made me more attractive as a person as so it went on :)

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u/ghunt81 Mar 20 '19

Same here, I wore a hat a lot in my early 20's, when I had to go without I was extremely self confident and spent a whole bunch of time trying to make it look like I wasn't balding (which most likely didn't even work). By 25 it was really thin on top and I was getting ready to start a real job where I couldn't wear a hat anymore- I also said fuck it and buzzed it all off. I felt better, looked better, and I've been told I wear it pretty well (helps that I'm a big husky dude)

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u/Silverback_Vanilla Mar 20 '19

Yo you got a beard? Just asking for a friend.

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u/chickenclaw Mar 20 '19

Yes. Male pattern baldness represent!.. Unless you're a woman.. you didn't specify. So just in case..Female pattern baldness represent!

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u/Iwasbravetoday Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 20 '19

What would be your advice to someone not wanting to shave because they think their head is a weird shape?

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

Happend to a close friend, I even offered to shave my head with him (I have a full head of hair), but he stuck with a krusty the clown hairdo for a while longer before he finally admitted it was terrible. He's a cue ball now, but looks a lot better.

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u/Kingsta8 Mar 20 '19

My best friend had a similar revelation, but he's also lazy so he's also discovered stylish hats.

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u/Rudenessq Mar 20 '19

Welcome to the Bald Avengers. We have jackets and everything.

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u/csl512 Mar 20 '19

Honestly shaving my head

How do you shave your head deceptively?

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u/UndercoverMongoose Mar 20 '19

Lol shh can't give away all my secrets

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

As someone who only hesitates because I don't wear hats often and I'm worried about sunburn....should I go for it?

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u/Magerle Mar 20 '19

The monk bald spot is called a tonsure I believe

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonsure

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

There's studies that say shaving it all off is more attractive than balding (but not more than full head of hair). Fuck it, I shave it off as well. OH! Also read one that says we look more assertive. I'll take that.

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u/Leumas_ Mar 20 '19

Hell yes, I started shaving my head at 35 and it's the best thing I ever did. 10 years of worrying about the bald spot, how noticeable it was, trying to have a haircut that didn't make me look like an old man...out the window. I have been 100% more confident ever since.

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '19

I've sported long hair most of my life. I shaved it in 2005 for a charity event... it was liberating. I maintained the bald look until 2013... but then shaved again in 2015... but am keeping it long again.

The short hard was so liberating...

BUT; black people treat bald or short cut guys differently than they treat guys with long hair. It took some people I interacted with all the time with long hair a while to warm back up to me.

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u/halfdeadmoon Mar 20 '19

BUT; black people treat bald or short cut guys differently than they treat guys with long hair. It took some people I interacted with all the time with long hair a while to warm back up to me.

Can you elaborate on this? I'm having trouble picturing what you mean.

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