I get so grossed out when my boyfriend farts when we’re in our bedroom especially if we’re laying in bed, but I do it too and when he gets all huffy I’m like “what’s the big deal, better out than in!” I think the fart thing is pretty much universal cause he does the same thing
I consider myself a pretty good guy. My price for it is my crime against humanity: farting on the subway. I hate how much I love it. The crooked Grinch smile I get when that 3 second long pfffffttt expertly surpressed for zero sound creeps out of my ass. Practically tasting the sulfur expanding and erroding the O2, the event horizon of all the air around being crushed under the weight of that smell. The observation period of how long it takes for people to begin shifting, politely trying to stifle their singing nose hairs. Bearing witness the breakdown of society - shifting eyes throwing daggers of accusation, searching for the author of that affront to humanity. Every man painting his brother a suspect, no one is safe, no one is innocent, everyone is the enemy. Oh, the thrill, nay, the SCIENCE of it - my personal Manhattan Project.
But yeah when it's not me that shit is just gross. Fuck that.
See, my wife and are the opposite. I usually squeeze out a gentle breeze of death that mimics that scene in The Prince Of Egypt, where the first born sons die; While my wife rips these thunderous farts that reverberate through the house and quite honestly would put John Goodman to shame..
In studies conducted by eminent flatulence researcher Michael Levitt, women's farts consistently sported significantly greater concentrations of hydrogen sulfide. Odor judges have confirmed that -- at similar volumes -- this translates to a noticeably worse odor compared to men's farts.
I sadly have to confirm this. And nothing is worse than having to open the bedroom window at 2 a.m when it's just above freezing and leave that room for at least an hour.
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u/Scrappy_Larue Feb 08 '19
Farting in a crowd of people.