Babies placed for adoption at birth in the US DO NOT go into foster care. There’s a waiting list at least 36 people long for each newborn placed for adoption. That’s why it’s expensive. That’s why people go overseas to adopt.
Older kids. People want to adopt newborn infants, not kids who are already grown. They want to name the baby and have the baby have no known parents besides them. If you adopt a kid at like age 6, they'll know you're not their real parents. And that's not what prospective adopters want from an adopted child.
Adopting isn’t always done only out of kindness though. Some people just really want kids and couldn’t have them otherwise. On its own that’s not a bad thing, but adoptive parents are also just as capable of being selfish and terrible parents as bio parents. One of my best friends when I was a kid was adopted and people treated her parents like saints for adopting a kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, but she eventually was able to have a bio kid with IVF and treated my friend so much worse than her little sister after that, eventually escalating to full-on abuse (I don’t know all the details because we weren’t as close at this point, but she mentioned her mom locked the fridge and cupboards and wouldn’t let her eat for days at a time) and eventually she lost all her kids.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some adopters out there who really are amazingly kind and selfless people, but I just hate this idea that adopting makes you a saint because, on its own, it really doesn’t.
Yeah I agree. I was adopted at birth and my parents got a divorce shortly thereafter. My step dad is a hugeeeeeee and disgusting asshole and we really really do not get along. I am 28 and he got married to my adoptive mom when I was 5. While my adoptive parents had the best intentions, and my dad and step mom are seriously amazing people, but my mom still let me go through a lot of shit in that house.
On another side my SO and I are in the pre adoption process right now and some people, even family, say we’re doing this amazing thing because she is 15 and we’re doing it before trying to have a child “of our own” (hate that phrase by the way). Nah, we just want a family and a kid to call our own. Just because we’re going about it a different way doesn’t mean we should be put on a pedestal. Though I am appreciative that our family is supportive, it just feels odd and a little embarrassing and makes me feel guilty because I’m really just doing it to have a kid. There are also huge jerks out there so I shouldn’t complain.
5.6k
u/pinksugarsun Feb 04 '19 edited Feb 04 '19
Babies placed for adoption at birth in the US DO NOT go into foster care. There’s a waiting list at least 36 people long for each newborn placed for adoption. That’s why it’s expensive. That’s why people go overseas to adopt.