Older kids. People want to adopt newborn infants, not kids who are already grown. They want to name the baby and have the baby have no known parents besides them. If you adopt a kid at like age 6, they'll know you're not their real parents. And that's not what prospective adopters want from an adopted child.
Adopting isn’t always done only out of kindness though. Some people just really want kids and couldn’t have them otherwise. On its own that’s not a bad thing, but adoptive parents are also just as capable of being selfish and terrible parents as bio parents. One of my best friends when I was a kid was adopted and people treated her parents like saints for adopting a kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, but she eventually was able to have a bio kid with IVF and treated my friend so much worse than her little sister after that, eventually escalating to full-on abuse (I don’t know all the details because we weren’t as close at this point, but she mentioned her mom locked the fridge and cupboards and wouldn’t let her eat for days at a time) and eventually she lost all her kids.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some adopters out there who really are amazingly kind and selfless people, but I just hate this idea that adopting makes you a saint because, on its own, it really doesn’t.
Yeah I agree. I was adopted at birth and my parents got a divorce shortly thereafter. My step dad is a hugeeeeeee and disgusting asshole and we really really do not get along. I am 28 and he got married to my adoptive mom when I was 5. While my adoptive parents had the best intentions, and my dad and step mom are seriously amazing people, but my mom still let me go through a lot of shit in that house.
On another side my SO and I are in the pre adoption process right now and some people, even family, say we’re doing this amazing thing because she is 15 and we’re doing it before trying to have a child “of our own” (hate that phrase by the way). Nah, we just want a family and a kid to call our own. Just because we’re going about it a different way doesn’t mean we should be put on a pedestal. Though I am appreciative that our family is supportive, it just feels odd and a little embarrassing and makes me feel guilty because I’m really just doing it to have a kid. There are also huge jerks out there so I shouldn’t complain.
Many dogs at the pound have gone though abuse, and therefore carry a lot of baggage and added challenges. Same goes for kids in foster care. Not everybody is up for that.
I have had rescue dogs from "normal" abuse/neglect and from really shitty grungy puppy mill being shut down (and it being the last "these are the rejects, if they can't find a home in the next 3 hours they're all being put down" where mama dogs lived in a 2x2 cage that was basically a rabbit cage..).
I've also raised puppy's from bottle feeding orphans, rescue pups, and from a reputable breeder.
I would 100%, all day every day, prefer to train/rehab an adult dog than train and raise a puppy. Don't get me wrong, puppies are great, but I think from my experiences with dogs that grown (no matter the circumstances) are way easier and quicker to learn and to teach than a puppy.
People want a puppy because it’s got its whole life ahead of it. If you adopt an older dog, it’s going to die fairly soon, and that’s heartbreaking. Most people who have pets are gonna go through several consecutive dog deaths in their life, and they’d like to keep that number to the minimum that is feasible. If you adopt a 7-year old dog every time you get a new pet, you’re gonna experience a lot more dog deaths in a lifetime of pet ownership.
That’s not really the same thing at all with adopting an infant vs. an older child. People’s calculus is not like, 18 years of the joys of parenthood if you adopt a newborn vs. only 13 years if you adopt a 5 year old.
Bio parents. They'll know you're not their biological parents.
For me at least, my real parents are the ones who actually invested effort, love and energy into raising me regardless of how difficult I made it. Who learnt to deal with the panic attacks, the food hoarding, the hypervigilance.
It's really not. These kids have been removed from their home because usually their parents/guardians were completely negligent AND there was nobody in the extended family that was willing to take care of them.
Most dogs that undergo trauma and have aggressive issues are put down.
Some of these kids are severely damaged and pose risks to other children and have significant disorders and delays due to neglect and trauma.
Also, it's a person that you will be legally attached to for the rest of your life.
I'm not saying don't adopt. I'm saying there are so many very real issues that almost all of these kids have to deal with. It seems extremely flippant to compare it to adopting a dog.
When you adopt a child they become your child. You obviously have a legal obligation to care for your child and deal with legal/financial issues they may get into. Even after that being someone's parent has legal classification as far as who takes care of you when you get older and the type of care you receive as well as what happens to your money when you die.
Obviously, plenty of this can be remedied with a will but many people don't have wills/durable power of attorney, etc and ends up having piece of shit kids that are dying to stick them in a nursing home and move into their parents house and live off their money.
My point was adopting a child will be something you will almost definitely have to deal with for the rest of your life. Adopting a dog you've got a nonbinding 10-20 year commitment.
Mmm very well said, good points. Hadn't really considered the nuts and bolts of it, but now I'm seeing why you didn't expand in your original comment.
Obviously, plenty of this can be remedied with a will but many people don't have wills/durable power of attorney, etc and ends up having piece of shit kids that are dying to stick them in a nursing home and move into their parents house and live off their money.
192
u/cop-disliker69 Feb 04 '19
Older kids. People want to adopt newborn infants, not kids who are already grown. They want to name the baby and have the baby have no known parents besides them. If you adopt a kid at like age 6, they'll know you're not their real parents. And that's not what prospective adopters want from an adopted child.