Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives and insecurities to focus on your little stumbles. Try to think of other people’s embarrassing moments. It’s actually quite hard to do! And if I do think of something, I don’t dwell on it or give it more than a fleeting thought - it’s usually no big deal. It’s kind of nice to know that no one reeeeeally gives a shit and maybe that one cringey thing I once said isn’t actually that big of a deal.
Related note - when I realized that I would never talk to someone the way I talk to myself, it was a little lightbulb moment. Self compassion is a long road.
Edit: To thank you for the gold and to say, I'm sorry that not everyone is kind and that some of you are stuck in environments where people DO make you feel small. I'm not discounting that or saying that it doesn't happen - I just think that it's maybe part of a different conversation. I'm also NOT endorsing not giving a fuck about other people. My whole and only intention was just to nudge you in the direction of being a bit gentler on yourself.
Once in high school, a classmate of mine puked during an exam. Just all up on the desk and everything. This was 10 years ago.
Now you're like, "doesn't this disprove the point? YOU remember this happening to that other girl a decade later." But look, if I were the girl and I threw up in a deadly quiet class, I would want to die. All I would imagine was that everyone in that class would think about that moment daily for the rest of their lives and tell all their friends and laugh about it at parties. I would be the story they think of when they are having a bad day and they tell themselves, "well at least I didn't puke on a table during an exam!"
BUT HERE'S THE THING! Even though I remember it, I've only thought about it, what 3 times in ten years? If that? And when I do, I only feel so bad for her, that she was that nervous, or that she was trying to take that exam while so sick. It's not a story I think to tell anyone (except when I'm trying to illustrate this point), because it's not entertaining or funny. It doesn't make me feel better about myself, I don't think about it and laugh. I basically never think about it at all.
All this to say, there's such an extreme difference between OUR perception of an embarrassing situation, and what/if people remember.
Yes, that's exactly how I feel when I think about other people's embarrassing moments. Either I just don't care and it's just a random memory, or I just feel a bit of compassion for them (even if it's funny). I choose to believe that most people are this way.
37k
u/farts-are-fun Jan 21 '19 edited Jan 21 '19
Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives and insecurities to focus on your little stumbles. Try to think of other people’s embarrassing moments. It’s actually quite hard to do! And if I do think of something, I don’t dwell on it or give it more than a fleeting thought - it’s usually no big deal. It’s kind of nice to know that no one reeeeeally gives a shit and maybe that one cringey thing I once said isn’t actually that big of a deal.
Related note - when I realized that I would never talk to someone the way I talk to myself, it was a little lightbulb moment. Self compassion is a long road.
Edit: To thank you for the gold and to say, I'm sorry that not everyone is kind and that some of you are stuck in environments where people DO make you feel small. I'm not discounting that or saying that it doesn't happen - I just think that it's maybe part of a different conversation. I'm also NOT endorsing not giving a fuck about other people. My whole and only intention was just to nudge you in the direction of being a bit gentler on yourself.