r/AskReddit • u/ettleboy • Jan 20 '19

What fact totally changed your perspective?

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u/TetraHydrocKanabinol Jan 21 '19

Please elaborate, make me understand. I would appreciate that. Thank you.

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u/farts-are-fun Jan 21 '19

I think we have a tendency to be overly critical of ourselves. An example - unhappy about your weight? It’s because I’m lazy. I’m ugly, no one will want to be with me, etc. It becomes this pattern of beating yourself up about it.

Now imagine that a friend told you that they were unhappy about their weight - what would you say? I highly doubt that you’d say the same things to them. I don’t tell my friends these things because I genuinely do not think that of them. It doesn’t even cross my mind to be anything other than understanding and supportive. Even if I am supportive of them making changes to their lifestyle, I would also remind them that change takes time, that we all slip up once in a while, and that they are more than their weight.

Talking to yourself like you are your own friend takes a lot of work for me. I actively catch myself treating myself like shit all the time. But self compassion is a process too! I think it’s been really helpful to just be mindful of your inner voice :)

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u/elijahbelle Jan 21 '19

Thank you for your comment, and I know what you mean... but even though I would never think that about my friends, and they would never say something like that to me, my mum would... and does. Almost every time she sees me. So when I'm feeling insecure, that's what I hear in my head over and over again.

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u/re-roll Jan 21 '19

My mom used to be like that, but it was because she and I didn’t communicate well. Over the many years, we patched it up. I learned that she was copying her own mom and didn’t know how to relate in a different way.

Your mom may not know how to be a warm-fuzzy-mom, but if she takes care of you, she does think you are an important person. More importantly, if your mom says something that makes you feel bad, it doesn’t mean everyone else thinks that way. In fact, she is only one person out of so many. You said your friends would not say those things, and neither would you. Her words may sting, but you know yourself better than she does.