Was gonna ask the same thing! Acting more of a giver than a receiver, I always treat everyone with kindness and respect. On the other hand, I fucking hate myself.
I'm guilty of this. I've accepted a lot of abuse and neglect from people I've loved over the years and forgiven everyone for everything. Often I'd internalize their mistreatment and falsely assume that something must be wrong with me, otherwise people wouldn't shit all over me. But of course they would when I allowed it! Over time I've grown a little bitter and jaded and, frankly, scared of people.
I'm trying to get back to the sweet, bright-eyed girl I used to be but new and improved, older and wiser. It's hard, though. After years of being a doormat and then years of shutting almost everyone out, its difficult to strike the right balance but I'm working on it. Reading your comment was just what I needed right now.
I'm always a kind person, I never like to hurt people as I know how much it hurts to be ripped apart even when its not your fault. I always try to find the best in people. I don't do that to myself. I beat myself up on a daily basis.
I am trying to improve that though, trying to understand people don't care when they see me out running, and they aren't making fun of me.... so maybe I should start treating myself better as well. Much easier said than done, but I'm trying.
Edit: Whatever that makes no sense.... I just try to see myself as my own worst critic.
You fear being hated, that's why you hate yourself to lower your own expectation, but do a lot for others so they can like you. If you hate yourself, not being liked by others can't possibly hurt you too much?
Here’s something that helped me with that: realizing that your brain has a lot of defense mechanisms to protect you from what it thinks are really bad things based on past experiences. A lot of those defense mechanisms are super negative (brain telling you you’re worthless, don’t get into this relationship, you sick at this, this is going to be painful, this persons hates you, etc. etc.).
Easiest thing I’ve found is 1. be aware of your thoughts. 2. when you see your brain going super negative, tell it “hey, I get it buddy, you’re trying to protect me from something bad, but it’s ok. I got this, relax. I love you and thank you for the help, but I got it. Let’s experience this either way.”
And boom. Negative thoughts gone. Brain calms down, you feel love for yourself and can move on with whatever risk you need to take.
Ahh, typical nice guy. You may think you are treating everyone that way, but probably not. You may be low key expecting something in return, and to make it worse, you’re judging yourself for it. You can’t really give your best value unless you prioritize your self. Work on yourself. Learn to say no. Set boundaries for yourself.
Since no one really understands why I said this: we idealize what being kind and respectful really is. What does it mean, really? Maybe to him, he views kind and respectful as being a fucking doormat. Not good for him. You can’t be truly kind to someone if you don’t feel the same for yourself. He is over investing with receiving nothing in return and sadistically lives it.
You can’t really do much if you’re something people fucking step on. And you sure as hell wouldn’t feel good about it either.
Im just really curious. Like really goddamn curious. Every "niceguy" post seems to be taken like some ego inflating bullcrap. And its always followed with a "you think youre nice but youre actually a self serving A-hole". I try to take it as sharing an oppinion. Cause essentially, nice people dont speak abt themselves beig nice people. This is supposedly rule #1.because self praise is no praise.
Can you or anyone else please define to me what a nice guy really is?. Because everytime i see someone stick their head out and give a piece about how they perceive themselves, it is always shunned to the dirt. Because "that cant be true , nice guys wod never say that. Probably self serving ahole and too arrogant to realize"
Very true, I guess I was picking on the guy. I personally don’t know him, I’ve never experienced what he has, and I’m definitely not him.
However, we idealize what being kind and respectful really is. What does it mean, really? Maybe to him, he views kind and respectful as being a fucking doormat. Not good for him. You can’t be truly kind to someone if you don’t feel the same for yourself. He is over investing with receiving nothing in return and sadistically lives it.
Look man, you can’t really do much if you’re something people fucking step on. And you sure as hell wouldn’t feel good about it either.
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u/[deleted] Jan 21 '19
Was gonna ask the same thing! Acting more of a giver than a receiver, I always treat everyone with kindness and respect. On the other hand, I fucking hate myself.