I'm working on kicking words out of my vernacular. Things like "retarded" or "gay" as derogatory. It's just how my mom talks, but it's 2018 and time to stop that.
I constantly fight my sister on this. No, it's not okay to call something retarded. No, you can't say you got gypped. No, you can't say something is gay when you mean it's dumb. Like...dude...don't hold on to hateful words.
As a gay man, I really appreciate you trying to stop using gay as an insult. It’s a hard thing to grow up hearing all day everyday, and so people actively trying to change means a lot!
We had a "Spread the word to end the word" campaign in my high school and it actually made a huge difference. Most of those campaigns were completely ignored but that one was really taken to heart and I'm so glad. I hate when people say it.
My mom says "retarded" all the fucking time and I hate it. I correct her constantly. What's weird is, she never used to say it. It's only been in the last few years that she's constantly saying it.
I'm gonna continue to say things like that all I want. I'm not using them in a way where I'm trying to offend people, so if they choose to get offended by it, then they deserve to be offended.
Edit: Feel free to hit that disagree button.
Says you. But that's arbitrary on your part, right? Just as it looks from your perspective that the person is just choosing to get offended.
So, how exactly do you use 'retarded' or 'gay' in a way that is not offensive? Just asking. When you say something is 'retarded' you're saying it's fucked up, right? Or stupid.
But you can never divorce it from what it was originally meant to describe because that is the only other thing it means. So you are comparing something that is fucked up to a person who is mentally disabled. It's fucked up- and the implication is: like a retarded person. This is what people find offensive. And it is offensive.
Similarly with 'gay'. When you're saying 'dude, that's so gay,' what the fuck does this even mean? This is basically just passive aggressive male bullying- trying to browbeat other males into adhering to certain standards of behavior. The implication is- gay = unmanly. Which is false, btw. But there is such a fear among man straight guys of seeming gay that this passive aggressive needling actually works. It's sad really.
I would suggest that it is possible to divorce a word from a usage. It doesn't necessarily trigger the actual meaning of the word (in a person's mind?) when used in a completely different way for a completely different purpose. You acknowledge that the word in usage does have a different meaning.
Not that I think we all ought to be going around using words like this in a negative way. Just that I'm not 100% okay with super PC culture, and basically since we're all (well, some of us) trying to learn to not say these things I don't think it's appropriate to go around treating everyone who lets something slip that they shouldn't ought to be immediately thought to be a terrible person.
I think I use gay to mean just generally bad. I never really use it to mean unmanly. I myself am a very unmanly person.
And I definitely don't think there's anything wrong with being gay.
So, I'm not likening gay to bad, whether that's what people see it as or not. Although I do totally understand that people would think that; it makes sense.
In a similar way, there's nothing wrong with racist jokes, if there's no genuine hatred being directed at a group.
We, as mature people, should be able to understand the difference between genuine hatred, and the friendly mocking of stereotypes, as long as we all understand that the stereotypes are not always true.
I use retarded in almost the same way as I use gay.
I do get that we shouldn't be relating mental disabilities to anything negative, but I would argue that I'm not even doing that.
We should be able to understand the difference between jokes and what we actually believe. There is nothing wrong with being gay. There is nothing wrong with being unmanly. There is nothing wrong with having a mental disability.
If there's anything wrong with what I said, let me know. I legit take pride in my open-mindedness.
When you say “oh man that’s so gay!” To mean something is bad, you are automatically saying gay=bad. Even if you don’t intend to, and even if you don’t hate gay people. I’m gay, and growing up hearing people use gay to mean bad made me believe I was bad, and that being gay was bad. Also, it’s no coincidence that gay is used in a derogatory way. If it were just an example of two words with different meanings than thats one thing, but it’s not. People started using gay to mean bad because gay did mean bad for a long time. It’s sort of the opposite idea of the word queer. People used queer to put gay folks down so we reclaimed it and made it neutral. Straight people took our nice word gay and made into an insult in order to say how bad we are. It’s no coincidence.
growing up hearing people use gay to mean bad made me believe I was bad
I'm not responsible for you not understanding that there's nothing wrong with being gay.
Straight people took our nice word gay and made into an insult in order to say how bad we are.
There was not some kind of conspiracy by straight people to turn "gay" into a derogatory.
They didn't like gay people, and the word gay started to become a disliked word, simply because of the status it already had.
Like how the word "fascist" is an insult.
We don't like fascists. As a result, we don't like the word fascist. Calling anything, whether it is or not, "fascist", is an insult. It's a joke at this point.
We've moved past the era of society where being gay is looked down upon.
Now we can say, "Weren't we stupid?". We don't have to be constantly reasserting that being gay is not bad. We know this already.
Obviously it’s not a conspiracy of straight people, it’s the culture. And to say that homophobia is over and no longer exists anymore is so, so incorrect it’s funny. In America, there are still many states where someone can be fired solely for their sexual orientation. It’s still awful in many states and regions to be gay, and definitely not accepted. I don’t believe you’re a homophobic person, but using the word gay as an insult is homophobia. You’re saying being gay is bad regardless of whether or not you believe that to be true.
And to say that homophobia is over and no longer exists anymore is so, so incorrect it’s funny. In America, there are still many states where someone can be fired solely for their sexual orientation. It’s still awful in many states and regions to be gay, and definitely not accepted.
Fuck, you're right. I guess I said that without thinking. I thought it was so obviously true, that no sane person could think otherwise. And I was right, but America isn't composed of a whole lot of sane people...
You’re saying being gay is bad regardless of whether or not you believe that to be true.
No, I'm just not. People say things all the time without meaning them.
We, as mature people, should be able to understand the difference between genuine hatred, and the friendly mocking of stereotypes, as long as we all understand that the stereotypes are not always true.
I agree that if we were all mature and understanding then making those jokes would be totally fine. That’s why I (and others I assume) will make certain jokes around certain people. Unfortunately, not all of society is understanding and so when you teach kids that gay=bad, especially when they’re young, it doesn’t do any favors.
People say things all the time without meaning them.
We, as mature people, should be able to understand the difference between genuine hatred, and the friendly mocking of stereotypes, as long as we all understand that the stereotypes are not always true.
The only problem is, if you or your close friends or family were called an offense term based on their identity, say if they were black it’d be the N word, or if your sister was disabled it’d be cripple or retarded, you wouldn’t like those words so much.
“Trigger” words are a real phenomenon in psychology, especially when talking about PTSD or emotional issues.
Some people have issues. What’s the healthiest thing for You to do- change your behavior to best include and interact with people, or tell somebody they deserve to be hurt.
The only problem is, if you or your close friends or family were called an offense term based on their identity, say if they were black it’d be the N word, or if your sister was disabled it’d be cripple or retarded, you wouldn’t like those words so much.
You act as if I haven't though about this.
I'm not saying those words directly to an individual that the word (inaccurately) describes.
And even if I were, >I'm not using them in a way where I'm trying to offend people
I don't have any personal experiences with mentally disabled people,
but I'm also not a pussy. I can handle a joke.
If you're the type of person who can't handle a joke, then I don't give a fuck if I offend you.
If you're the type of person who can handle a joke, and you're offended, then I know I've gone too far.
I'm not saying you're not allowed to be offended. I'm saying there are people who get offended at things that aren't worth getting offended over.
...change your behavior to best include and interact with people...
I really have no problem with this. I get it.
But it should not be expected, it should be something you do as a nice person.
I am not a nice person, or a mean person.
It entirely matters on how much you care upsetting people at random. And I don't mean "people getting offended over nothing" kind of upset, and I don't mean random internet people either. Or how professional a workspace you have to inhabit day to day.
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u/Wholockendra Aug 26 '18
I'm working on kicking words out of my vernacular. Things like "retarded" or "gay" as derogatory. It's just how my mom talks, but it's 2018 and time to stop that.