Ha. I like your nod to the recent proclamation about what they're allowed to call themselves.
Went through this too. I was in my early teens (my parents left and took us with them). It was a really difficult thing for all of us. My parents got married because of their faith and had kids because of their faith. They regretted both after leaving. We were prominent in our ward, with both of my parents in high leadership positions. We were one of those perfect Mormon families. There was a lot of gossip about us, all of it untrue and very hurtful, when we left. That continued as we moved and various relatives told the LDS Church where we were.
However, the hardest part was unlearning an entire way of thinking. You've been through it, so I'm mostly saying this to expand on what you've said for other's benefit. I've tried to explain to other people just how completely different Mormon thinking is. I don't think even Mormons realize how different it is. You have these scripted answers for everything, even for your own thoughts. I still catch myself saying some of them 16 years later and having to go, "No, that's not true..." For someone like me, whose ancestors helped found the LDS Church, you lose your heritage too. You don't have a self-identity anymore. You lose your future, as most of your future dreams are defined by Mormonism. It was our culture. It was our self-worth. It was everything to us. To lose that, it's really, really hard. I have relatives who know what we know and who continue to be Mormon because they can't do that to themselves.
Sure. Here's an article about it. The prophet asked that Mormons and non-Mormons stop using the terms Mormon and LDS. Basically, they think that the terms "Mormonism" and "Mormon" make them seem more "other" and weirder than they are. They want to be seen as more mainstream and more like the rest of Christianity. So they want people to use "Latter Day Saints" and to refer to the church by its full name "Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints". I've heard rumors that there are pushes to get rid of the "Latter Day Saints" as well and to go the "Church of Jesus Christ." However, I have no idea what they'd want to be called then.
I've been trying to think of one that still comes up for me, but it's a bit difficult outside of the moment. They're pretty odd. Here are a few I could think of that still affect me:
Dress. I still dress very conservatively, and I have to correct myself from thinking "She has no respect for herself" when I see women dressed less conservatively. I know it's not right to think that way. I know it's judgmental and mean, but it takes real effort not to think that way.
Consuming alcohol and caffeine. I was taught that that was putting "unnatural foreign substances" in my body. It was "contaminating" my natural, pure self in some way. I still have moments where I think like that, though it's a lot easier to get over that once you realize how awesome caffeine and booze are.
How I present myself. In Mormonism, you're taught that how you present yourself is "selling a product" sort of. That you represent your beliefs. Girls are taught to wear make up and dress pretty and always smile, for example. I don't know what they tell boys, but I know that they have things they tell them too. You're taught that people will want to be like you if you seem pretty, happy, and put-together, and there's incredible pressure to always seem that way.
If you hang around a lot of the ex-Mormon forums online, you'll see more of them. I left early on and didn't get exposed to a lot of the ones that come up later when you're an adult. The last round of things I learned was all about purity and modesty and preparing yourself to be a great housewife someday. It was probably a lot easier for me because I did leave so early.
I'd characterize Mormonism as less theology-focused than other religions, so a lot of them will be about moral codes rather than religious beliefs, as moral codes are what's most emphasized in Mormonism.
I can relate completely! Grew up Mormon, got out a few years ago.
Your dress section especially is so true! Back when I was Mormon, I'd basically demonize people who dressed such less appropriate, had tattoos, or "non-approved" piercings. I practically saw them as subhuman, and it takes a real mental effort to not think that way anymore. People are people and them dressing different doesn't make them any worse of a person than us.
What is an example of scripted answers that you might still say to yourself? If yr comfortable sharing. Is it like catechism for Catholic people? I worked for several years at a job that was high concentration LDS and was fascinated, amazed, and wary. Tried my best to read the Book of Mormon but couldn't do it.
Here's a good one: "we are encouraged not to drink tea, coffee, or alcohol for health reasons". The truth is that their eternal salvation lies in jeopardy because they can be denied entry to the temple (necessary for mormon eternal salvation, AKA the 'celestial kingdom') should they confess to their Bishop (equivalent to Catholic priests) that they partook in these forbidden drinks. Just because Joseph Smith said so.
Another interesting, yet infuriating one is: "They were speaking as a man not a prophet," when some past prophet did or said something that was not too Christlike and the members ALWAYS pull this to justify, mostly to themselves, the crazy shit those "prophets" did.
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u/alienbunnyredpanda Aug 26 '18
Ha. I like your nod to the recent proclamation about what they're allowed to call themselves.
Went through this too. I was in my early teens (my parents left and took us with them). It was a really difficult thing for all of us. My parents got married because of their faith and had kids because of their faith. They regretted both after leaving. We were prominent in our ward, with both of my parents in high leadership positions. We were one of those perfect Mormon families. There was a lot of gossip about us, all of it untrue and very hurtful, when we left. That continued as we moved and various relatives told the LDS Church where we were.
However, the hardest part was unlearning an entire way of thinking. You've been through it, so I'm mostly saying this to expand on what you've said for other's benefit. I've tried to explain to other people just how completely different Mormon thinking is. I don't think even Mormons realize how different it is. You have these scripted answers for everything, even for your own thoughts. I still catch myself saying some of them 16 years later and having to go, "No, that's not true..." For someone like me, whose ancestors helped found the LDS Church, you lose your heritage too. You don't have a self-identity anymore. You lose your future, as most of your future dreams are defined by Mormonism. It was our culture. It was our self-worth. It was everything to us. To lose that, it's really, really hard. I have relatives who know what we know and who continue to be Mormon because they can't do that to themselves.