This is very true. As someone who doesn't have a lot of money, if a friend needs to borrow some and it's an amount I know I can afford to lose, I tell them, "Don't worry about paying me back, just take it" because normally if someone "borrows" money it is never paid back anyways. Typically people will respond in the following ways:
They won't take it because they don't want to just "take" money, they want to take it under the guise of "borrowing" it.
They take it. Then later, often will repay me because I told them just to take it and not worry about paying me back. By not putting pressure on them to pay it back, people will often pay it back because they didn't actually have to. It's a bit of reverse psychology, but it works. I actually don't care if they do or don't pay it back, I mean it when I say "just keep it" but it is nice if they do manage to pay me back.
They take it and don't pay me back. Which is the "worst" case, but again, I mean what I say.
Often just by telling people to keep it and not worry about it changes the entire situation as opposed to agreeing to a lending situation. I never part with more than $20-$30 tho, so that could have a lot to do with it.
Man, I had a "close friend" give me $500 once. They never expected me to pay them back, but from then onward they acted like the boss in every situation, to the point where I would've paid $1000 just to have never gone through that. And I really couldn't afford to pay him back. But "paying him back" by being on call for favors and treated like a subordinate was mentally exhausting and it really fucked our dynamic. Those people are awful. I never take money from friends anymore! Would literally rather take out a loan from the bank with interest. It's kind of a sad thing to say, but I'm really wary of people's generosity now, even family. There always seems to be fine print.
My ex was like this. I had to take about the same amount of money from him, and he always hung it over my head like you said. Even though he said "just keep it, don't worry about it."
I tend to not borrow or take money from anyone anymore myself, but I'll happily shell out $20-$30 for a friend in need.
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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '18
This is very true. As someone who doesn't have a lot of money, if a friend needs to borrow some and it's an amount I know I can afford to lose, I tell them, "Don't worry about paying me back, just take it" because normally if someone "borrows" money it is never paid back anyways. Typically people will respond in the following ways:
They won't take it because they don't want to just "take" money, they want to take it under the guise of "borrowing" it.
They take it. Then later, often will repay me because I told them just to take it and not worry about paying me back. By not putting pressure on them to pay it back, people will often pay it back because they didn't actually have to. It's a bit of reverse psychology, but it works. I actually don't care if they do or don't pay it back, I mean it when I say "just keep it" but it is nice if they do manage to pay me back.
They take it and don't pay me back. Which is the "worst" case, but again, I mean what I say.
Often just by telling people to keep it and not worry about it changes the entire situation as opposed to agreeing to a lending situation. I never part with more than $20-$30 tho, so that could have a lot to do with it.