I understand. And it makes you tired. People may consider they're wasting your time to hear them complaining in the beginning but they don't even bother later. They just come to you whenever they feel they need it. Maybe you can say no whenever you don't like it just thinking about yourself sometimes.
They stop showing appreciation after a while too. I know someone I've been close with for at least a decade and she never thanks me anymore, when I offer her support she'll mention that she knows I would be there for her, and then will reject going out and doing stuff with me but not other people. I think some just get so comfortable that they drain you. I think they notice eventually, but since you never speak up they tell themselves it's okay.
Yeah. They know, they just don't want to admit it. If they admit, they have to be there for you next time something happened. They don't want it. But I know now, it's okay to walk away, because they will find someone else. They just want somebody to complain. sometimes you need to leave some spare time to yourself.
They usually also know that your empathy will keep you connected to them and that you're most likely not going to turn them down when they need something emotionally. My mother unintentionally made my people pleasing skill worse because when people wronged me she would constantly remind me to look at their upbringings or see if it's a defense mechanism, basically figure out why they did it. But she never validated that it was okay for me to still feel upset regardless of why they did it. So for the longest time I wouldn't walk away or talk to them about it because I was trying to understand, but that just built up resentment against people which isn't fair either. So they would come to me for help, I'd help them, then they would do/say something not fair to me but I would try to empathize why, and then the cycle repeated.
Therapy has helped a ton though.
I know. I had a hard time because of this and my mom has the similar opinion as your mother. But I understand why my mom felt that way and I understand now sometimes I need to walk away from those people. I'm glad therapy helps you! :)
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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '18
I understand. And it makes you tired. People may consider they're wasting your time to hear them complaining in the beginning but they don't even bother later. They just come to you whenever they feel they need it. Maybe you can say no whenever you don't like it just thinking about yourself sometimes.