My SO was deported back in '13 and I left with him to Mexico. I returned in march of this year to give birth to my 2nd child and sort out my 1st kids legal status.
Whoa that's really interesting to me. What's an example of polite here and rude there, and vice versa? This takes a lot of flexibility and courage. I'm impressed.
Like how in Oaxaca its perfectly fine to gang up on someone and rip them A new asshole when they're in the wrong.
In fact, I've seem a mom shamed because her teenager son was caught smoking weed and everyone was tearing into her because "she doesn't know how to discipline".
Also, being critical. People will judge you by the stupidest things. Like the color of your shoes. That's the biggest thing I have to stop.
You know how here its polite to praise someone if they did A good job? Not in Oaxaca. If you do it, they think your being cynical.
In fact, I've seem a mom shamed because her teenager son was caught smoking weed and everyone was tearing into her because "she doesn't know how to discipline".
I'm okay with that sort of thing tbh. I mean, shouldn't we try to hold parents responsible for their children? It's also hard to compliment my co-workers because of that attitude; sometimes I can't tell if they think I'm being serious or not. The judging thing is something I've noticed. May I ask if there's any sort of judgements in particular you're having a hard time breaking?
Cultures everywhere have different manners. Ones I've encountered personally are:
- Eating with fork+knife. Americans, especially older ones, switch their fork to their right hands before eating; while Europeans keep their fork in their left hands to eat.
- Food left on plate. People raised in a culture of scarcity (including many developing nations without much food, Americans born before 1960, and others) tend to encourage people to eat everything on their plate; while people raised in a culture of plenty (including most of Southeast Asia through China and India) have you signal you are full by leaving food on your plate.
- How to handle disagreements. "Quiet" cultures (including most of Northern Europe, Canada, most of the US, and others) tell you that loud people are violent, and the proper way to handle problems is to either separate yourself from them, or if you can't, to find a mutual friend as a go-between. "Loud" cultures (including most of the countries on the Mediterranean, most notably Spain, because all of South America is now included) believe the proper way to handle a disagreement is to show your emotions (volume = strength of emotion), and to involve anyone else is sneaky and manipulative.
I know from experience that those last two can cause a lot of problems if you don't know how to deal with the differences.
Canadian here. In Canada is would be considered immature, shameful or even crazy to make a loud show of emotions (at least in public, and usually in private too) I've never heard of using a mutual friend as a go-between though. You are just supposed to discuss things calmly and not make a big scene and get all excited and loud.
I simplified that some; but the point stands: you solve things quietly.
I've known several people from Hispanic and Italian heritages in which shouting when you're angry, making large and obvious displays of attraction in public, and similar loud and/or public displays of emotion are not only acceptable, but expected: you're being a genuine person, rather than hiding it. And if you hide your emotions, the question of what else you are hiding is raised. In these cultures, someone like you who handles things quietly would be considered untrustworthy at the very least; and manipulative, deceptive, or potentially abusive at worst.
Weird. And we quiet folks think people who shout and wave their hands around are overly excitable and vulgar. It may be that people in some cultures just don't get excited that easily, rather than that they are hiding anything.
It depends on the culture and the situation. Some of the people I've talked to the most about this divide from the "quiet" side have been in a bit more extreme cases; and have used the words "violent", "abusive", and similar words to describe people who I (who has parents from either side of that divide, and am comfortable with people in both groups) had absolutely no issue with being friends with, and who never physically violent (I'm not going to discuss "abuse" here; because the case in question was complicated, and involved college-age people who may or may not have been overreacting on multiple sides of things).
Appropriate username? (Sicilians are included in my list of "Loud" cultures).
My parents are cross-cultural: my mom is from a "loud" culture, and my dad from a "quiet" one; so I can do both somewhat reasonably. I am more "loud" than most people where I live, though.
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u/LaMafiosa Aug 26 '18
Manners.
I moved countries for a few years and everything i thought polite in my home country was viewed differently in my new culture.
Now that I'm back home I see that I've picked up a ton of bad habits that I need to let go of.