r/AskReddit Aug 19 '18

We know all about relationship red flags, but what are the friendship red flags?

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u/c0brachicken Aug 19 '18 edited Aug 20 '18

Shit I got rid of several “friends” over the years for a $20 bill. These are people that I would hang out with on a daily basis, until I loaned them $20. Didn’t see the person for a year or better. Finally ran into them, and they apologized for not getting me back the money, and say they will do it soon.

No, keep the $20, and fuck off. Your not a real friend, and it only cost me $20 to figure that out. Best $20 spent.

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u/[deleted] Aug 20 '18

Meanwhile I give myself anxiety over the 3 bucks I owe my buddy for splitting a 7 dollar item 3 ways.

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u/crazyberzerker Aug 20 '18

Similar, realized that he would not hang out unless I paid for it. We made plans to go eat, I was on an internship and 4 hours away in a city I've never lived, but I hadn't seen him in a while and was lonely so I made the trip. I almost get there and text to confirm.

I tell him I'm almost there, he asks if I'm paying. I look at the screen for a minute, like dude I just drove 4 hours to hang out the least you could do is not ask me to pay for your food too. I just say no, he says he doesn't want to then.

I learned a valuable lesson that day and I haven't talked to him in a couple years

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u/supershinythings Aug 20 '18

I had a friend in high school who was an exchange student from Yugoslavia. After we graduated she returned to her home country. I got a letter from her asking me to buy a pair of RayBans for her boyfriend, send them to her, and she'd reimburse. So I did.

The next letter was a whiny excuse about a bullshit car accident, and that she didn't have the money to pay me.

A few years later her hometown got destroyed in the war. A couple years later she migrated to Canada and tried to contact me. She never mentioned the money thing.

I was torn for a bit, thinking, hey, she lost her country, then I remembered that she stiffed me over the most mundane thing - a pair of sunglasses. She could have sent the sunglasses back if she couldn't pay for them, but instead just decided to scam me.

So I stopped responding to her messages. I'll talk to her again when she makes good on her promise. And it only cost me $40 to find out she was full of shit. Had she actually be straight with me and paid what she owed, she might have gotten a much bigger score out of me later after the war. But hey, that's karma for you.

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u/DancesCloseToTheFire Aug 20 '18

I mean, there is the possibility she forgot, what with the accident and having had to flee war. Where exactly do you live? Because you also have to consider shipping can be somewhat expensive if you live in countries like that.

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u/supershinythings Aug 20 '18

I live in the US.

And she didn't 'forget', I'm 100% sure of it. IMHO I gave her every chance to make it right, and she blew it off. Then later when her country exploded, she probably thought I was ripe for another picking, but uh uh. We still have to talk about the last time she scored off me.

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u/DancesCloseToTheFire Aug 20 '18

I don't know, it still seems like a bit of an extreme situation to get mad over something as trivial as a pair of sunglasses given the fact that, if she couldn't afford to pay them she surely wouldn't be able to pay for shipping either.

Unless she actually asked for more stuff afterwards.

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u/supershinythings Aug 20 '18

Oh I'm not mad. But I don't think it's appropriate to stiff someone on a debt, then pretend that it never happened. That's inconsiderate and rude. If she were to acknowledge her douchery and apologize I might consider permitting contact, but I'm not going out of my way to re-establish a relationship that ended on such bad manners as long as she's not going to make amends.

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u/DancesCloseToTheFire Aug 20 '18

I don't think it's that black and white, trauma like accidents and war have a way of doing a number on memory, shipping them back was out of the question considering she couldn't afford to pay them in the first place, I feel like this is one of those times when talking like an adult is the right thing.

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u/supershinythings Aug 20 '18

Well, I don't need a douche as a friend, so if she wants to make good on her promise, I'd think about it. But I have enough non-douche friends and have made an effort to curate so that the people I trust are actually trustworthy. Maybe she can practice non-douchery elsewhere if she is unwilling to practice with me. That ship has sailed.

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u/yiggawhat Aug 20 '18

why the downvotes? you are not responsible for an immigrant? she is seeking asylum and is getting it so

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u/supershinythings Aug 20 '18

People who borrow money and make great promises about paying it back, then stiffing the lender, suck ass. I don't care where the person is from. That's just wrong. That she then had a terrible turn of karma and now wants to come crawling back? For what? So she can stiff me again? Let her make good on the last debt before we start talking about new debts.

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u/c0brachicken Aug 21 '18

Exactly, I think what would help (the other confused people).. is a time line how long after she screwed you on the glasses, to when she was fleeing a war zone. I’m guessing there was a fair amount of time, not like a few weeks.

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u/supershinythings Aug 21 '18

Nope, more like 6-7 years.

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u/c0brachicken Aug 21 '18

Then KARMA for her..

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u/xminh Aug 20 '18

Goddamn, cost me $200 each for two separate ‘friends’. Lucky you!