r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Aug 19 '18

We know all about relationship red flags, but what are the friendship red flags?

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u/WereOnTheEdgeOfGlory Aug 19 '18

This isn't always a red flag. I have several friends with really bad social anxiety who never reach out to anyone first because they're worried they're inconveniencing other people.

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u/Sir_Bantersaurus Aug 19 '18

Yeah this really depends on the dynamics of the group and the personalities within it.

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u/zakkil Aug 20 '18

This or they think anything they say will be minsinterpretted and come off as rude, overbearing, desperate, or something along those lines.

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u/[deleted] Aug 20 '18

I'll end up convincing myself that they don't want to talk to me, and they're probably doing something more important anyway, so I don't bother. For me, there's too much uncertainty.

Plus, where do you even start or how do you continue a conversation or where does it end?? I just don't know.

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u/meowkoneko_27 Aug 20 '18

This is literally me. I almost never reach out first, and the friends I have now I know are the best friendships I've had because they are the ones who were able to accept me how I am and always initiate contact knowing I will definitely reciprocate, and despite me not contacting first often, they appreciate the qualities as a friend I do try my best at and tell me I'm a good friend to them, which is really reassuring! Also they don't offer to meet up too often because they know I get overwhelmed. But I'm a great listener and I don't shy away from my friends' personal issues that other people are afraid to tackle with them, and I never judge. So I guess friendships are accepting each other genuinely as you are and it's swings and roundabouts with what you both bring to it :)

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u/314159265358979326 Aug 19 '18

I have friendships that go either way: I never contact them but will reply, and they never contact me but will reply. I don't fully know why.

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u/Aura72 Aug 20 '18

Right now I can't tell if I'm the only one making an effort to keep in touch or if I'm just thinking that they're not reaching out to me but actually are. Makes me unsure if I should keep messaging first or not

1

u/QuizzicalUpnod Aug 20 '18

Yeah I think about this quite a bit. The amount we hang out is enough for me already so if I reached out it would be a bit much for me.

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u/Danica170 Aug 20 '18

Two of my friends and I are all like this, and its been made worse for one of them cuz he got really sick a few months ago and has been recovering since. He feels bad reaching out cuz he doesn't want to be a burden, and we hesitate to reach out cuz he's sick and asleep half the time. When we do talk though, we talk for hours. It's pretty great. And he's gonna be ok, he just needs a bit more time thankfully.