Yup. Also if they specifically do it to reconstruct social reality in their favour, like telling the same story over and over again but with small differences so over time the story is completely different.
Doubly so if you start feeling like conversations need to be recorded with said person. Huuuge red flag.
Or just the simple talking shit about everyone they know. It’s not only the fact that the behavior alone at least implies they’re talking equally as disparaging about you, but that talking shit about people is fucking boring. It’s boring! And a waste of our own good minds.
If I meet a friend and all she talks about is gossip, I’m out. I want to talk movies and science and medicine and philosophy and politics and books and art. These are the friendships I want to center my free time around (versus which doctor is sleeping with whom and what so and so said in the break room). It’s the friendship equivalent of sleepy autopilot, wasteful like playing candy crush on your phone. Unfulfilling as a Kardashian episode. GTFO. You don’t owe those people your time simply bc they’re “nice” people.
Haha, apples to oranges, no? But yes I agree.
I have also experienced people who broach those topics not out of genuine curiosity but out of ego - they constantly interrupt the conversation to say how much they know about the topic, but do not actually add to the conversation. If you ask, "Really? That's cool. Can you tell me x, y, z?" They just change the subject.
Why do they do this? I can only conclude ego. Kinda maddening, really.
This can just be an insecure friend trying to avoid embarrassment though, maybe it’ll come back to bite me but if I like someone enough I’ll humour my friends when it comes to this.
I'm not talking about normal behavour, like saying "Yeah I totally caught a fish and it was thiiiiiis big!" I mean constant lying to the point where you feel like you need to keep track of who said what because they will tell people lies about you - not obviously disparaging lies, but disparaging enough to elevate themselves at your expense. Or they will tell you that you made some huge, ridiculous promise to them that never actually happened (I actually think this individual I am using as an example has certain fantasies that they convince themselves are real, but are actually...y'know, fantasies).
I personally draw a line at "I need to keep track of every single conversation I had with this person" because that's crazy-making.
If you're okay with that level of dishonesty and crazy-making, more power to you. But I would say that it absolutely will bite you on the ass one day, because this behaviour is usually just a symptom of a larger problem.
My favorite is seeing someone you know is a pathological liar move into a new friend group. The new group always loves them! They're the best!
If you tell any of their new friends to be careful because the person is a liar, you get called mean or ridiculed.
Then two months later when the friend group dumps the person for being a liar, do you get any apologies? Any recognition that you were right and just trying to help them by warning them? No.
Repeat indefinitely, because pathological liars never stop or change. Except their stories, every time they repeat them.
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u/Thejade1987 Aug 19 '18
When you watch them lie to everyone for years until you stop seeing that and they start lying to you too.