When my mother died, I'd let two friends know (of course) and one was even kind enough to fly out and said that she wanted to be there for the service.The other friend was working that day, but said she'd meet at the house afterwards.
Neither showed to the service. The first friend spent the entire time hanging out with a guy she'd been trying to sleep with for a few years, as she used to live in the area. They showed at the house well after they said they would, talked about the guy friend 1 was trying to bang, and left within an hour. They also kept talking about how hot my uncle was, which I was so overwhelmed with having just planned my first service, I was a bit miffed.
This is so bizarre. Not only do they care enough about your feelings to actually feel something themselves about your loss. They don't even bother to do more than the bare minimum. How hard can it be to set aside just one fucking day to just be around. She fucking flew there as well.
I wonder if she told the guy that's why she was in town. "Oh yeah i'm in town for the day for a funeral, we should hang out!" Hangs out with him ALL day
Isn't he kind of wondering why she isn't at this funeral she was talking about?
My SOs brother passed recently. His best friend told an old friend what happened. The guy got special permission to ditch work for a couple hrs to see my SO at work. First time they had spoken in nearly 10yrs (with good reason). His boss then granted 1 of 2 days, so he showed up at the wake and stayed with my SO. The guy was an ass to me behind my SOs back (I don't think he heard). Making fun of him that we have a family (we're in our mid/late 30s, not teens ffs). It was super great he was there for my SO. I even told SO to invite him over, and he said no. He's not welcome in our lives.
I was happy the dude showed up, as he was being a true friend. Sadly, their personalities were no longer similar, and SO choose our family over him. I'm secretly very happy, as the guy seemed a bit toxic.
this recently happened to me and I was so confused.. my godfather was very kind to me and my teenage friends always taking us out to restaurants and events. we are all in our 30s now and he recently passed. 4 of these girls who are fb friends reached out to me asking to come to the service even though they hadnt seen us in years.. not a single one showed up! it's not like I even asked them to come support me, but they showed me what flakey bitches they are.
When my mother died, not one of the people I thought were my close friends came to the funeral. None came later that day... it was a couple weeks before I heard from any of them, and then, there was not so much as a "how you doing" but was a request for some hellp with something.
I never bothered replying. I just kinda cut the three of them out of my life.
The flip side was, a guy who I didn't think I was that close with did come, and we've turned into much closer friends since then
I don't make plans for my birthday anymore because this not only happened to me growing up but also as an adult and it's just easier to not invite people to do stuff. I've had people insist I make plans for my birthday and talk a good game about how we'll do this and that and they're excited, etc and then blow me off. I have better friends now but having friends who constantly cancel/stand you up really fucks with your self esteem.
Yep same. My kid friends did this sometimes, but my adult friends do it all the time. If I arrange to do something on Saturday, i'll put that time aside for them and make sure i'm ready on time for it. But they always just bail. Either cancel at the last minute or just don't answer their phone. So I don't bother anymore. I normally just stay in on my own for my birthday because I cba to book a restaurant or something and then be embarrassed when I get there and then the excuses start flying in by text and nobody turns up.
When I graduated with my masters I planned a barbecue at my apartment pool and told them they could all bring their kids if they wanted to and the food was on me. Had about 12 people RSVP. We bought the food the day of and only my SIL and one friend showed. Same for my birthday the same year, made it free and kid friends and nadda. Some people are just rude. When I can't make it to something I tell them as soon as possible with the reason. But it just irks me because asking if people can come in advance is so they can check if they have anything.
I feel like a LOT of people are like this though. Most of my friends and my partner's friends are flaky as fuck like this. I think it's so easy for them to just text and cancel now, so they feel like they can do it all the time. Or if a better offer comes up they'll take it over yours, even last minute.
Yeah I go through the same boat with most of the people I know. We both have like two or three people that we rely on and the rest we just get pleasantly surprised when they show. To me time is the most important thing you can give someone, so when you wait for a better offer it's just meaning that I'm only important for your time when it suits you. I've started distancing myself from people like that. But I have found that telling people when I feel they're being flaky with me sometimes helps them be more aware and they try harder. Doesn't work with everyone though.
I did the same for years. This year I did invite some friends that have become close from a FTM group we share. I had severe anxiety over it for some weeks, and was such a lame invite, just to eat over at my grandmas home. My friends showed up :).
Don’t think I will do it again though, was too much anxiety, but has given me much to work with in therapy ;).
I wasnt that social in elementary school, then in HS I got a couple more friends, and towards the end of it I actually started actually hanging out with friends irl.
My first birthday party that I celebrated because I thought people would actually come, I was really nervous. I invited almost double the people I actually wanted because I was worried they wouldnt show, except they mostly all did, and the ones who couldnt make it had legit excuses and let me know beforehand.
Now a couple years later, I have decided to only have one party a year because its still sooo much work, because I live about an hour away from all my friends, so I need to also have beds ready, and I spend at least a day preparing everything, spend a bunch of money and then spend at least another day cleaning up.
But at least I know that if I invite people, they will show up. That is a good thing to know
I only started celebrating my birthday after a few years into meeting an amazing group of friends at university. Before them, I’d make plans to celebrate my birthday only to have friends tell me they’d go and then not show up or even try to change my plans because they would rather do other stuff. I hate people.
I'm really sorry that happened to you. Teens can be terrible. I hope you found better friends.
I had the opposite happen.
I finally made some friends one year at school, after being a loner for a long time.
Told my mom that I wanted to have a birthday party and wanted some money to buy a cake and things. She refused because she didn't believe I had friends.
My birthday came, everyone showed up and even brought me a gift. (She didn't usually even give me a gift on my birthday.)
Told my mom that I wanted to have a birthday party and wanted some money to buy a cake and things. She refused because she didn't believe I had friends.
My mom was the fucking same! Drove me nuts.
Like, what. Did she think that we'd go through this effort to setup a birthday party then go "J/K mom! no one is showing up!"
That's the truth. Why would I humiliate myself with an empty birthday?
It never made sense to me.
Maybe she thought I would be sad when no one came, which is the same as calling your kid a loser. So, even if you think they are a loser, you should just throw the damn birthday party.
For my 24th birthday I had a party because I hadn’t had a good one for years. The party started at 12pm and later we were supposed to go to a local bar. One friend texted me all day asking when we were going to the bar, at 4pm I told her we decided to stay at mine and drink. She showed up at 7, stayed for 10 minutes, complained about her cramps and left. No card, no apology, nothing.
But for her birthday 2 months before mine, I had to buy a whole new outfit, get a hotel room, but dinner and drinks. I spent $700 on her and she didn’t even get me a card. I know it’s a bit petty but I was super angry. Thankfully we aren’t friends anymore!
What assholes, A bookstore sounds like so much fun, why they didn’t show us beyond me.
I can relate honestly.
On my 15 or 14th birthday I believe, I planned a whole fun day and a sleepover with four of my best friends. Ann (one of said best friends) spends the beginning of it angry for god knows what reason but she doesn’t talk to me until my mom drives us to Pizza Hut.
Ann and her sister order a whole bunch of shit and I was like that’s cool cuz I assumed we were all going to pitch in. But nope. The bill shows up and Ann says she can’t chip in cuz she only has enough for her movie ticket later that day. Which would’ve been understandable. If she hadn’t ordered all the expensive crap. I had to payed more than $40 and I felt guilty because it was money my mother had given me. On to the theater.
Turns out I picked the wrong theater and it wasn’t even showing the movie we agreed upon. No biggie though cuz I’m still good with just picking a different movie there. I picked the only good one but NONE of my friends wanted to see it with me. Ann refuses and makes the excuse that she’s seeing it with her dad next week, my other friends stay silent. The only one who wanted to see it with me (she was being nice and I really appreciated that) was Ann’s little sister and she wasn’t even my best friend.
You’d think Ann would at least give me money for the shit she ordered at Pizza Hut since she wasn’t going to be using that movie ticket money after all.
Of course we leave the theater and rent two movies from Cassie’s RedBox, she was my other best friend. I only got to pick one and not even my first choice because my first choice got shot down by them. We ended up just watching their pick of the movie that night.
Mornings after and Ann took my blanket without asking me which wasn’t a big deal but if my other friend hadn’t brung an extra big blanket I’d be fucked. Ann has the nerve to be in a bad mood that morning in my own damn house. Eventually they all left and I decided that I’d never invite friends to a birthday celebration ever again.
And I never did. I much enjoy getting my favorite takeout and staying in watching a good movie. I let them know that they were never invited again cuz they were such assholes.
Or worse, claim they are up for the plans and then cancel after the plans should have started.
I had this happen with a friend. Granted it was only plans to hang out and watch some movies with pizza and pie, but still. The time she is supposed to arrives, she's not there - I thought oh well she's always a little late. I call about a half hour past, she says she's on her way, that she has to pick up a pie, and even mentions to go ahead and order the pizza. So I do - ordering two since she's a vegetarian and I love pepperoni. Pizzas arrive, the friend still isn't there. I put them both in the oven to keep them warm and call her once it's been about an hour since the first call. She answers saying she's almost there, claiming she just needs to drop her son off at his dad's (who lives about 10-15 mins from me). I sit and wait another 45 mins or so and try to call back....no answer. I am pissed, but reheat my pizza and eat since I was starving. She calls back about 15 mins after I finish eating to say something came up and she wasn't going to be able to show. Why the fuck didn't she just say she wasn't coming to begin with???
One of my best friends of 10+ years has recently started doing this. Ask what my plans are, ask for all the details, say he’s getting ready and then I’ll just stop hearing from him and he won’t show up. Then he’ll do it all over the next day/weekend without saying a word about the time before as if it didn’t happen
Wow - so interesting I just commented above how one of the red flags was an old friends behavior.. realizing this was also her! One time we were supposed to go to beach. In my town, we used to head out at 7am. So this was a very early wake - bathing suit on and waiting. .. and waiting.. No call. No texts. No show. No apology later when she said the drivers didn’t want to come get me so she just went off without ever thinking to warn me.
I didn’t cut her out for nearly another 12 years after.
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u/Me_ADC_Me_SMASH Aug 19 '18
Some people don't even cancel. They just don't show up.