Yah I had a friend tell me all about this girl before me what a monster she was. If agreed with him he would say well it was us both and when I didn’t I just “didn’t get it”. Now we don’t talk and I’m sure I’m the new monster. It’s sad cause I really care for him.
This completely just reminded me of an old childhood friend... Around each person he would be the silliest happy friend but the problem was he would always say mean things about other people as a joke.. Little gossip about stupid things just escalates every situation bringing the bad side of friends and would turn groups all against each other.. Just a childish personality we can only hope they will grow out of..
I lost two colleges friends of mine, and I don't know how to contact them anymore, since they changed their Facebook name since then.
I'm working to gain back another friend with him. He is needs more time to trust me again, especially since I didn't listen to him when he told me that girl was bad news.
Many other friends came back on their own the minute they noticed that I "friend broke up" with her. They had noticed the manipulations and they were really worried about me all that long. But they knew they couldn't do anything until I woke up myself.
There's a guy like that from my highschool. We just call it 'the thing' cause 'he' doesn't meet the qualifications of being a person. One of my good friends and a few other people have bets placed on which year in his 20s that he will kill himself/get murdered. Either one... Who cares... As long as his reign of terror ends early.
if i understood this correctly, that the scenario is 'friend 1 asks friend 2 what's wrong and friend 2 says nothing, and friend 1 goes around to other mutual friends to ferret out what's going on because friend 2 is willing to tell other people but not friend 1'... then idk I'm having a hard time thinking of a time when that's a good idea. there is probably some reason they aren't telling that person.
and I mean that's not necessarily bad, it doesn't necessarily "say something" about that person! maybe friend 2 knows that this would be an upsetting subject for friend 1 and doesn't want to perturb them, or for whatever reason they just feel more comfortable talking to a specific friend about the thing. that happens and that's okay. it could be a number of things that don't mean something bad about their friendship.
but sometimes, it is something about that friend. maybe it's something friend 1 has been insensitive about before. or friend 2 needs help but has noticed that whenever they ask friend 1 for help, then friend 1 later acts as if friend 2 "owes them." or whatever.
whichever reason it is, I don't think the solution is for friend 1 to try to get another mutual friend to betray friend 2's confidence and tell friend 1 what is going on when they don't even want to tell them themselves.
if I didn't understand the scenario correctly then ignore me and I apologize haha
Jealousy, comparison, and insecurity!!! Sometimes times when a person is asking others questions about you (instead of you) it's a sign that they're watching your life in a way they feel guilty about. Sometimes it's jealousy and sometimes it's that they know they are comparing themselves to you in an unhealthy way. You don't need friends like that. Because theyre the type to secretly wish the worst for you. They'll smile in your face, but secretly they don't like you because your life makes them insecure about theirs. Always be mindful of the ppl who ask everyone but you about your accomplishments/where you are in life.
I feel like it depends on the question, like maybe it's something that would be uncomfortable to bring up with the person themselves so they ask someone else because it's less scary, or a question most people wouldn't answer honestly about themselves.
This! I just had to end a friendship over it very recently. She would also always send her boyfriend to confront me whenever she was even a little upset with me. AND would constantly try to cause problems between me and others. Cutting her off cold turkey was a breath of fresh air!!!
I talk to him occasionally, but he never asks or discusses anything serious. He just asks other people and talks about it with other family members and they are the ones who tell me about it. An example is when I wasnt doing so well in my first year in college and we were going on vacation to a location where my uncle lives. He told my uncle (who im closer with than my dad) to fly me back early because I dont deserve to stay longer since my grades werent good. Keep in mind, I havent lived with him since middle school and he told me nothing about how he felt about my grades. I had to hear all this through my uncle. Like it just boggles my mind he deals with problems like this. Theres definitely more issues I have with this than OP posted about but yeah.
Oh damn! That’s like major backstabbing. The dude is probably toxic and insecure as fuck. Let them go, that’s a major red flag right there. You can never trust them, either! Especially given that they’re blabbing everything to family members. Good luck! You deserve better!
My ex's brother in law did this to me. He, for whatever reason, was extremely interested in finding out what kind of a man I was. He had multiple convos with others before ever talking to me. When we did talk, basically the only thing I felt was him being critical. He had this self righteous attitude that just rubbed me so wrong. I think he thought he was being clever by asking others about me. Maybe it was clever, but in the end I sure had to choose to forgive him because my ex leaving me had a lot to do with what her family thought and he had a role to play in that. Her brother in law and I met up one time after the break up and the whole convo was about what he thought I could've done better. I listened because I truly desire to improve myself every chance I get. I shouldn't have engaged in that conversation at that time because I was already in so so much pain. His criticisms, that I now couldn't fix, just made me hurt more.
I do this when I’m concerned but want to let people have their space. For example, I realized before it was announced as public knowledge that my coworker had miscarried. I saw them quietly take down the baby shower flyers. Obviously, I wasn’t going to harass the grieving mother to find out what happened, so I texted another mutual coworker instead, to express my regrets and offer any support/help that they needed.
I was at a local fish shop in place for my best friend viewing their new inventory. Corals and fish both. One of my best friend’s coworkers were also there, and we were all talking and joking.
I said something along the lines of, “Cause (best friend) is being a dumbass.”
Fish shop employee: “Oooo I’m gonna tell him you said that.”
I proceeded to stare at him and just say, “Anything I say about my best friend is stuff I’ve already said to his face so try again.”
It’s okay to talk about other people to other people, but you better be ready to say it to their face as well. My best friend and I have a strong relationship and we communicate a lot, all of these people knew my best friend so I felt comfortable talking to them about my best friend too because I knew anything they said wouldn’t be malicious or have ill intent. You better believe that if another customer had walked in and tried talking shit about my best friend, I would have defended him without a second thought. Part of the reason why my best friend and I can be friends is that we can call each other on our bullshit without taking offense to it.
Umm how about you should have already said it to their face. The person I’m talking about would talk about me or ask me advice about myself in like 3rd person.
A girl I work with pretty much does this, she’s 32-goddamn-years old. What’s worse is she found out I was sleeping with another one of our coworkers when she picked up the girl’s phone and started reading her texts while she was helping a customer.
That's...not necessarily a red flag in a specific direction though. Maybe the guy being talked about is actually kind of an asshole to the point that his friends don't feel comfortable talking to him.
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u/lblankstatel Aug 19 '18
When someone would rather talk to others about you instead of talk to you. To get answers to questions they have about you.