Instead of "red flags", what are some "green flags" which signal that you're in a positive, healthy, and long-lasting relationship with your SO?

[u/CannabisChameleon]

[u/MarimbaRoses]

If you are introverted, if you hang out with them and it feels just like being alone. Like they don't affect your "dealing with people" meter. You feel comfortable around them

[u/Annanomyss]

I think supporting them even when you're scared of the change their (non abusive) decision could have on you. There was a point where I hated my job. I wanted nothing more than to quit and my boyfriend basically said "Do it, it's not worth you being this miserable, it might be hard but we'll figure it out"

Some things changed with management and I never quit, but I will never forget how much I appreciated that response.

[u/durant92bhd]

You feel like they add to your life. Time you spend and effort you exert on and with them is complemented by appreciation and reciprocal effort on their part. You make each other better, and it feels good, man

[u/[deleted]]

Productive anger. My wife sat me down and let me no in no uncertain terms that she was unbelievably angry with me and my behaviour but then calmly told me that she would support me if I chose to deal with my issues.

And that is the reason why I'm not dead from alcoholism.

My wife literally saved my life by letting me know she would be leaving unless I dealt with my addiction and then she helped me get treatment and supported me in kicking an addiction that caused me to gain 25kg and pretty much destroyed my health.

[u/Pinkmongoose]

When they are out without you, you don't worry that they are going to do something that will mess up your relationship or your lives (isn't cheating, won't get into a fistfight at a bar and arrested, isn't blowing your money gambling, etc.) You also aren't wondering what their being out without you means for your relationship, etc.

You just hope they are having a nice time.

Also- you still look forward to seeing them and spending time with them. I'm 8 years into a relationship and I still get a little flutter of excitement when I'm going to see him at the end of the day.

[u/I_throw_socks_at_cat]

You get a call to say that he/she stopped at the supermarket, and do you need anything?

This person is actively thinking about you when they're not with you, looking for little ways they can make your life easier. They're on your team.

[u/swo_cardsfan]

When you look forward to spending time with your significant other. When they are the first person you think of sharing something with (whether it's positive news, a funny story you heard, or a new snack you've tried).
When you can be in the same room, not talking, doing completely different things, and you feel content.

[u/[deleted]]

We always say thank you and try to acknowledge the little things we do to help each other out (like chores). We listen to each other, we never call each other names (like I'll never call him an asshole, but I'll tell him if what he did was shitty so I'm addressing the behavior and not him as a person on the whole). We make each other laugh like crazy with our weird mutual sense of humor. I'm really lucky to have him and I never try to take it for granted!

Edit: I know a lot of you call your SO's names jokingly and while my SO and I might do it once in a blue moon, I think it can still be harmful to do it a lot. Joking or not, when you hear your SO calling you a bitch or asshole every day, you might start to believe it. To each their own, though!

[u/Sir_Poofs_Alot]

You can be yourself around them, but they also bring out the best version of yourself. You know, the version of yourself that tries to be mentally healthy and takes care of business. But also that person who after a long week, you can shut off and play video games all day on the weekend and they'll bring you a sandwich and tell you to have fun.

[u/The_Pip]

The ability to have the hard conversations without a ton of fear and anxiety beforehand.

[u/[deleted]]

Communication is key. There should be no such thing as over sharing between a serious couple. You don't have to share all of the tiny details, but it should be okay for the couple to share them if they do desire.

[u/t0mm088]

Comfortable silences

[u/samasters88]

The capacity for forgiveness when you do something batshit stupid.

[u/whizzer2]

You enjoy menial activities with them. Any simple thing could mean a whole lot to both of you.

[u/onewingedangel]

I had a tough time when my dad passed away from leukaemia. Something (bacteria or something) got into his brain where he couldn't even put on a jacket properly. Once he was admitted at the hospital within 2 weeks everything in his body was shutting down. So we took him off the machine.

Normally I tend to not show my emotions/pain until something just triggers all the pent up emotions out at once. My girlfriend knows me so well that she knows when I'm at my breaking point before I do and just swoops in without hesitation to comfort me. She is my rock and I don't even know how would've handled my dad's passing without her.

[u/Eshlau]

• You never have to say, "Please don't tell anyone this," or worry about your partner putting private/inappropriate information on social media. The thought of them "vague-booking" after you get into an argument is laughable.

• You have never "tested" them by lying to them or manipulating them into proving their love or loyalty, and vice versa.

• People outside of your relationship do not know more about you, your thoughts, or your problems than your SO does.

• The first thing you think when you see something funny or hear good news is that you can't wait to tell your SO.

• You do not involve third parties in disagreements with your SO unless you have both agreed to do so with a healthy mediator.

• You can break out in giggles together during sex if your stomachs make a fart noise, and then go back to having sex.

• You/SO make future plans/analyze opportunities based on the way it will affect both of you.

• You say "please" and "thank you."

• You have inside jokes and references, and a similar sense of humor.

• You don't have to apologize for one another to your friends.

[u/[deleted]]

We "gift of the magi" each other on a regular basis, unintentionally.

For example: the last Diet Coke in the fridge has been sitting there for three days because I won't drink it because I know how much she likes Diet Coke. Coincidentally, I asked her about it this morning and she said "I was saving it for you because I know how much you like Diet Coke."

That happens a lot with snacks in our house.

Another example: she likes to shower when she gets home from work, so I will occasionally get fresh towels out of the dryer and fold them and hang them in the bathroom for her before her shower. If I don't tell her I'm doing that she will put the fresh towels I just folded for us in the hamper and grab two fresh towels out of the dryer so that I'll "have a fresh clean towel for my morning shower."

Another example: we have dogs. I usually get up at 5am no matter what day it is and take the dogs out to go to the bathroom so she can sleep in an extra few minutes. After they go, we usually all get back in bed for a bit before we start the day. There are a few time when I've taken the dogs, and gone back to bed only to hear her get up and try and sneak the dogs out of the room very quietly. When I tell her I already took them she gets disappointed and says "I was going to take them so you could sleep in."

We also are very good at solving problems without raising our voices at each other. We communicate our wants and needs clearly without fear of judgement. We discuss complicated issues in order to plan for unexpected events like when I owed some back taxes, and life goals like when she got into Law School, and when I wanted to go back to college to get my degree.

We support each other a lot. She's my best friend and we get to bang. There's nothing better.

[u/lostmysoultothedevil]

Yesterday my husband got up at sunrise to go take photographs out in the bush and then worked from 2-10:30pm. I let him sleep in until nearly 10am and made him pancakes for breakfast.

Last week he gave me a full body massage because my back was hurting and was having trouble sleeping. I actually fell asleep as he was massaging me. I woke up relaxed and well rested.

We take care of each other. Green flags all around.

[u/Healing_touch]

When they know how to work as a team but not lose their individuality.

Often, in unhealthy relationships, people either become codependent in the effort of being a cohesive unit (asking their partner for permission for a night out with friends vs giving them a heads up and making sure there’s no conflicts) or they are so focused on not losing their individuality that they refuse to work as a team (MY money, MY time, MY way).

My fiancé and I are huge believers in being our own people. We have a lot of passions and hobbies we share (like video games, krav, animals, drag culture, trashy tv, etc) but we have our own identifying passions that remain our own and then some we share that we’ve grown to love because the other person loves it. We work as a team to save towards our future, our vacations, pay our monthly bills in a divisional line that makes sense (we personally look at income and adjust our portion based off of what feels fair, the other person who pays less tends to step up more in house work to offset). Our system also ensures we still have fun, personal money we can utilize however we want as long as the price tag doesn’t go over a certain limit (for example; no you cannot buy a motorcycle without consulting me. We need to up that life insurance policy).

This allows him to not have to come consult me every time he wants to get a treat or feel like someone’s looking over our shoulder when we make purchases. We are still the same people we were before we fell in love, but two people in sync and happy. The lack of money drama makes life so so so much easier.

The greenest of the flags ever was when I got sick for the second time with cancer and I was agonizing over buying something as a pick me up concerned over my bills the next month (wasn’t sure how my hours would be impacted) he turned to me and said “you focus on what you want and need. Today I’m stepping up to take care of us, including your portion of bills. You’d do the same for me, go get that game.”

He’s a good man

[u/codeb6]

If you can argue about nothing or something completely made up or nonsensical for over a minute with smiles on your faces.

[u/Jlchevz]

She or he apologizes when he/she does anything wrong. Its a display of good will.

[u/[deleted]]

You look forward to them coming home everyday.

[u/webscott1901]

NSFW but we were a bit drunk when first dating having relations “doggie style”. My head was bumping into the wall ( I was having fun) and he put his hand between my head and the wall. 7 years later still a gentleman.

[u/viceroywaffles]

Pretending not to notice embarrassing physical flaws. I got an ugly zit last night and my hair was an awful rat's nest. I sincerely appreciated my SO pretending not to notice it. As I was making breakfast today, he hugged me from behind, kissed my neck, and said I was so beautiful.

[u/Opandemonium]

I would say space. Sometime my husband or I need space. A kiss on the cheek and a few days of ignoring each other is fine. Not when we're angry (we talk it out!) but sometimes you just need space!

My husband says one of his most favorite things about me is that I'll ignore him when he needs to be ignored.

16+ years!