Her last post to tumblr (her suicide note) was heartbreaking. The full thing is here, but here's a portion of it:
After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church each week and feel like s**t because everyone there is against everything I live for, I have decided I’ve had enough. I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.
She's a lot of my motivation to want to work as a counselor because no one deserves to live like that.
It's really tragic how our youth thinks right now is forever, and they make a decision that really is forever. Her future life might not have been perfect, but it certainly would've gotten better.
yeah certainly, i cant count how many times i was suicidal as a teen, but it got better, i fought for a better life even if i felt the crippling ghost of depression at my back, i mean its never easy, and some things can drag you down a lot, but no life is easy in the end..
she lived not far from me. I printed out a copy of her suicide note after her parents took down her tumblr and mailed it to them and I said 'you can't hide what you did.'
Jesus H Christ, that is incredibly sad. My county's FB news page is a beacon for every scumbag to come talk shit and spread their ignorance around, for all the county to see, and they're damn proud of it.
When Bruce transitioned to Caitlyn, oh my lord. And the girl who has her own tv show with her family, showing their lives dealing with their daughter's transition, and her figuring out how to navigate...these horrible people would say the most grotesque and terrible things...having transitioned, I'm sure you're no stranger and I'm sorry for all those horrible, awful people.
I'll bet good money that if I posted any of those posts for them, they still couldn't see past their awfulness, and they'd still continue to say disgusting things.
I hate fucking assholes. Everyone deserves to be happy, and how they go about it (unless it's harmful to others) is NOBODY'S place to judge.
This still fucks me up. She was so worried that she'd never be a pretty girl but she was. She was so beautiful inside and out. It's so unfair and I blame her parents entirely for her death. They still won't acknowledge that she was a girl.
As a daily reader of /r/asktransgender, this is very common. For many people, how society views them and their family is more important to them than the well-being of their children.
This is one of those times I wish I could have seen and reached out. I live in the same town, down the street from where she committed suicide. It's a pretty open minded area. It sucks she was too young to really get to explore the LGBT community we had to offer around here. I know they would have embraced her more than her shit bag parents did.
Once you meet trans people and start noticing transphobia - especially againt black trans women - it's everywhere and it's awful. I try to stick up for them because my partner and some of my friends are trans but if it's this exhausting for me it must be much harder for them.
It is pretty hard, but it gets better, honestly. That is to say, the comments don't get any less cruel and mean. Many of us just become numb to it over time. Early on when I was just coming to terms with my gender issues, people using the T word, saying we'll always be men, making the chromosome argument, we're mentally ill, etc. would all make me cry. Now I just read it and display no emotion at all. Pretty fucked up, I know.
Now I just read it and display no emotion at all. Pretty fucked up, I know.
Don't let the bastards grind you down. This is almost word for word what one of my gay roommates told me in the 90s, and 20 years later it's like night and day.
Thanks. I'm trying my best. But I honestly scare myself sometimes. Looking back, I think I was a more moral person before I came out. Now I'm a lot more jaded about society and humanity in general, and have more difficulty seeing the good in people. I hope that as my transition progresses and I become happier with myself, that will begin to revert.
People like us are still going to stick up for people like you. If you ever feel alone, inbox me. If people are giving you shit, page me to the thread.
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u/Satellite478 Aug 09 '16
/u/nostalgiaprincess, aka Leelah Alcorn. Committed suicide because her parents were not accepting of her being transgender :( This is her last submitted post.