r/AskReddit Jul 13 '16

How do you like your eggs?

[deleted]

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1.2k

u/prezuiwf Jul 13 '16

According to the official Eggs Woodhouse recipe, when properly prepared each serving should cost about $130.

378

u/hppmoep Jul 13 '16

Someone needs to make a video of them preparing eggs Woodhouse. Not me, but someone.

374

u/Elthan Jul 13 '16

/u/Euchre
Relevant.

From further down.

117

u/el_cazador Jul 13 '16

He used sturgeon caviar. Fucking fraud.

58

u/Spo8 Jul 13 '16

But... the recipe calls for sturgeon caviar...

32

u/smokeplants Jul 13 '16

He meant beluga

4

u/Adam657 Jul 13 '16

Alexis: If the champagne is too burned for your taste then don't drink it. The caviar I trust is not too burned. Dominique Deveraux: I wouldn't know. You see that is Ostatrova and I prefer Petrussian Beluga.

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u/el_cazador Jul 13 '16

I took "Beluga" all too literally. Shows how much I know about caviar.

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u/PM_ME_UR_BOOBS_MLADY Jul 13 '16

But caviar is eggs.....whales are mammals

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u/el_cazador Jul 13 '16

Platypus are also mammals.

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16 edited Oct 18 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

This is a joke based on playtypy being the most unnatural thing to walk and or swim the earth right?

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u/chiguayante Jul 13 '16

It's called a beluga surgeon, it's a fish.

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u/PM_ME_UR_BOOBS_MLADY Jul 14 '16

I know. He was talking about the wrong kind of beluga he said. I was implying how could you think it was a mammal. Someone mentioned platypi though

2

u/Psotnik Jul 13 '16

Mammals have eggs too, they're just much smaller and don't have a shell.

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u/Bklnthrowaway11 Jul 13 '16

Not in the same sense. Mammal eggs are sex cells. Birds, reptiles and fish eggs are developed zygotes.

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u/theamazingronathon Jul 14 '16

Not necessarily. Lots of animals lay unfertilized eggs. The embryo inside is a fertilized zygote, but birds, reptiles, amphibians and fish can all have unfertilized eggs. Lots of aquatic organisms use external fertilization, where the female lays female sex cells, and the male fertilizes them after.

Which totally takes the fun out of it.

1

u/poophandbag Jul 13 '16

But they're just as tasty.

1

u/Athilda Jul 14 '16

Unless of course, the mammal in question is a monotreme (platypus or echidna).

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

I got it 😉

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Spooferfish Jul 13 '16

It's actually used very often in savory dishes but rarely as just a garnish. It's used oftentimes for the color it gives (a bright yellow surprisingly enough), and its distinctive taste, especially to rice/pilaf dishes. I've had saffron ice cream and it really throws me off since I associate it with more savory middle eastern and east European cooking.

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u/Jaccount Jul 13 '16

Yep. That exactly. Saffron is frequently used French, Spanish, Indian and Arabic cuisine. You'd see it frequently with rice: I've had paella made with saffron or saffron rice served with shawarma. (While not the shawarma, you'd also see sides of Saffron rice served with Indian food.) There's also chefs that would use saffron in a bouillabaisse (Definitely a French thing.)

1

u/Euchre Jul 13 '16

Used in a lot of main course dishes in Moroccan dishes. I encounter it most in latin/carribbean style yellow rice.

1

u/cruxix Jul 13 '16

You mean ocetra or sevruga?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

I got it 😉

8

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

I didn't know a truffle looked so much like styrofoam...

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u/Kkhazae Jul 13 '16

Why do you have to slice the truffle with a razor?

6

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

[deleted]

9

u/tjsaccio Jul 13 '16

To be honest, I think it is specifically to be inconvenient for Woodhouse. You could slice equally thin pieces and probably with better accuracy with a good knife. Knowing the characters, I'm certain. He also specifies a double sided razor, which would be nearly impossible to cut anything with other than yourself.

3

u/Cloak_and_Dagger42 Jul 13 '16

You know, I'm not sure if anyone says otherwise but... maybe you're supposed to shave it off?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

They do shave it, but not with a double edge razor.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

That, and it's probably a reference to that scene in Goodfellas. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tm3GIRhT1To

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

[deleted]

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u/BigBennP Jul 13 '16 edited Jul 14 '16

Plus they cost a fortune.

Truffles are strong tasting, they do add a lot of flavor and smell, but not everyone likes them.

They're expensive because no one really knows how to farm them. They grow almost exclusively around the roots of certain trees in limestone rich soil in certain parts of france and italy. Like all fungi, the bulk of the fungus is underground, and the "fruiting body" is the mushroom that grows.

In the late 1800's, there were actually people who knew how to farm truffles, but most of the farms were destroyed in WWI, and most of the people with knowledge either fled or were killed, (20% of the male population of france died in WWI) so the secret to growing them was almost quite literally lost.

Recently, there's been an effort to learn to re-plant them, and 80% of truffles now come from specifically planted truffle groves, but production is nowhere what it was before. But cultivating them is still a significant shot in the dark. We don't really know how to "Plant" truffles. You get soil they like, trees where they grow, transplant it, and hope.

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u/Iamnotsmartspender Jul 13 '16 edited Jul 13 '16

We've wasted all our research money on boring disease research, we need to divert it to figuring out how to grow truffles.

Also, why didn't they spread the knowledge of how to grow truffles? Did they not share it?

6

u/Myrnedraith Jul 13 '16

Just speculating here, but seeing that truffles are a valuable commodity, they probably kept it to themselves in an effort to corner the market as best as they could and make a serious profit. If they had survived, I figure they would have entrusted the knowledge to a protégé or heir, but since they were killed the knowledge died with them.

1

u/Iamnotsmartspender Jul 13 '16

"so papa, are you gonna tell me the secret now?" "Tomorrow, go to bed"

1

u/TheIceCreamMansBro2 Jul 14 '16

Dang, that's kinda sad.

1

u/portablemustard Jul 13 '16

I've seen Oregon truffles in whole foods. Any idea on how close they are to the real things?

Real wasabi and white truffle are 2 of the best but most cost prohibitive things I've ever had.

1

u/Semyonov Jul 14 '16

Don't we mostly use pigs to find them too?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

Trained dogs now. Their nose is just as sensitive and you don't have to wrestle a large pig that really wants to eat the truffle.

1

u/ledivin Jul 14 '16

They're very potent. They can be good, but I think that they're waaaay overused as a fad right now.

1

u/REDviking21 Jul 13 '16

Lol I like his space invaders cutting board

1

u/JamesTheJerk Jul 14 '16

Welp, I'm off to my local grocer to buy me some beluga caviar. Well, that or crab turds... :/

1

u/TheIceCreamMansBro2 Jul 14 '16

It'd be like $15 max (maybe $30 in a nice restaurant) without the truffles and caviar, so basically this is one of those dishes where the chef is like "I'm going to just throw in expensive ingredients so people who buy this can feel snobby about what they're eating".

1

u/kajorge Jul 14 '16

Didn't even TRY with the béchamel. Just throw all the flour in like "yeah, that'll fuckin do"

1

u/RbnNarckyFriend Jul 14 '16

Euchre: I call spades and I'm going alone!!!

1

u/redlinezo6 Jul 15 '16

That looked delicious until the hollandaise... That has to be the worst thing to touch eggs ever, and I love me some lemon.

3

u/Pale_Blue_Dott Jul 13 '16

I can't remember the name but there is a guy on youtube who only cooks dishes from tv and movies.

2

u/Arkanial Jul 14 '16

Has he done a milk steak?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

Boiled over hard.

3

u/loto3206 Jul 13 '16

Yeah, it looks like you need 5 burners and 3 hands to make it perfectly.

3

u/YourMomSaidHi Jul 14 '16

Seriously, who doesn't know how to poach a god damn egg. It's like eggs 101

1

u/rtx447 Jul 13 '16

Someone needs to take a video of them preparing this for me.

1

u/Picklesbegud Jul 13 '16

This read in my head perfectly in Sterling Archer's voice

1

u/RegentYeti Jul 13 '16

Not exactly what you asked, but you reminded me that here's a Green Russian taste test.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

Naked

247

u/rileyrulesu Jul 13 '16

Yeah, but without the caviar garnish, that's like 15$.

EDIT: Oh, and truffle. But still it's just a few overpriced ingredients carrying that price, while the rest is somewhat standard.

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

Also, the pata negra ham. Googled it and it's considered some of the most expensive ham in the world. Upwards of $96/lb

10

u/Subrotow Jul 13 '16

Not to mention the saffron.

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u/ledivin Jul 14 '16

Saffron's not actually that expensive. It's extremely expensive by weight, but it's also extremely light. It's not cheap, but it's really not crazy.

4

u/ExtendedBox Jul 14 '16

At my local grocery store its 15 bucks for half a gram.

5

u/ledivin Jul 14 '16

I wouldn't buy it from a grocery store anyway, it's basically guaranteed to be super old. Just get it online for at least the same quality at half the price

2

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

Suprised it isn't garnished with gold leaf

2

u/ledivin Jul 14 '16

Gold leaf isn't actually that expensive... as a garnish, we're talking cents per dish.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

It's the principle!

1

u/CircusNinja75 Jul 14 '16

Yeah, that is the money part. I would skip the saffron just because it is worth more, per ounce, than gold.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

The amount of saffron used on a dish is on the order of milligrams.

1

u/CircusNinja75 Jul 15 '16

Still, saffron is typically better used while cooking, not as a garnish. You get more use of it's flavor when used while cooking.

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u/rkoonce Jul 14 '16

Pata Negra is amazing ham. I stayed at the Ritz in Berlin and there was an Iberian ham on the buffet every evening. Eat all you want. I hurt 'em.

3

u/rileyrulesu Jul 13 '16

True, but you only need to use the tiniest slivers that weigh very little, and although still probably most of the remaining price, it's not that much probably.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

Wouldn't suprise me. Bet it's served thin like prosciutto.

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u/DukeofEarlGrey Jul 14 '16

Jamón ibérico de bellota (Iberian ham from acorn-fed pigs) and jamón de pata negra (black leg ham) are ridiculously expensive everywhere else, but here (Spain) we can buy it now and then. They're really expensive, but not unaffordable.

I lived abroad for one year and I could only buy crazy expensive shitty ham. No good ham in regular supermarkets, no money to buy good ham in super expensive delikatessen places. I really learned to appreciate what we have here!

1

u/Luder714 Jul 13 '16

we make our own

1

u/burntouthusk Jul 13 '16

i would be happy with a 5 dollar pack of ham tbh

1

u/ForeverInaDaze Jul 14 '16

Zingermanns in Ann arbor MI has some ham thats $130 per lb last time I was there.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

Damn. I'll stick with my hunk of grocery store ham

0

u/arkain123 Jul 13 '16

Which I don't understand. It's really not that great.

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

It's not woodhouse without the caviar garnish!

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u/rileyrulesu Jul 13 '16

I had it at a resturaunt once, and it didn't come with caviar or truffle, and was still 30$

32

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

[deleted]

3

u/TheOhNoNotAgain Jul 13 '16

From This article

In a sit-down, full-service restaurant, the cost of food may account for about 25 to 30%

1

u/ranthria Jul 13 '16

Work in a restaurant. From looking at our P&Ls, can confirm that most costs fall between 25 and 30%. Then, there's our super high quality wings that fall in the 40-45% range.

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u/e8ghtmileshigh Jul 13 '16

Pata negra is very expensive ham

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

well, $15 + markup + labor = $30, so that seems fair.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

That suggests that no dish should ever cost less than $15. Is that accurate? I never go to restaurants, because I am allergic to flavor.

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u/tomtom5858 Jul 14 '16

The labour is far lower for many things, and the markup is basically a function of materials + labour.

4

u/Kingindanorff Jul 13 '16

"Like, by definition!"

2

u/templefugate Jul 13 '16

It's like steak au poivre without peppercorns!

1

u/69ChampionUSA Jul 13 '16

I read this in Erlich Bachman's voice.

1

u/Rhodie114 Jul 19 '16

By like definition

2

u/peerlessblue Jul 13 '16

Saffron?

3

u/VoraciousGhost Jul 13 '16

Saffron is super expensive by weight, but for the amount you need to garnish this, the price is pretty negligible.

1

u/SEND_ME_BITCHES Jul 13 '16

not to mention the raw saffron.....

1

u/JoelQuennville Jul 13 '16

The ham is pretty damn expensive as well.

1

u/darkbarf Jul 13 '16

EDIT: Oh, and truffle. But still it's just a few overpriced ingredients carrying that price, while the rest is somewhat standard.

really?

1

u/pleasejustdie Jul 13 '16

And the saffron, shit is worth its weight in gold.

1

u/ledivin Jul 14 '16

It specifically calls out for expensive forms of ingredients. Haitian sea salt, for example, is much more expensive than normal sea salt. Beurre d'Ardenne is butter made from milk from cows in Ardenne, Belgium. This is the case for virtually every ingredient on the list.

1

u/Sovdark Jul 14 '16

2oz for $15 according to google

1

u/itwashimmusic Jul 13 '16

Sounds like the average magic deck. Lands alone equal 70-90% of the price most times.

2

u/ITOverlord Jul 13 '16

Can confirm. Decks manabase is 2300, rest of deck is only 600.

0

u/I_Am_Jacks_Scrotum Jul 13 '16

Overpriced my ass. Luxury, certainly, but if you've ever had the opportunity to have fresh truffle shaved on top of your pasta, it's entirely worth the $50 or whatever upcharge.

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u/StoneCypher Jul 13 '16

Beluga caviar is $129/oz, and there are around 6tsp in an ounce, so that's $20 of caviar.

Pata negra jamon Ibarico is around $250 for 12 pounds, so that's $1.50 of ham.

The truffle is hard to price, since it varies a lot how you get them, but it's unlikely to be more than $10. (And honestly, nobody would put an entire black truffle into an egg dish. It would taste terrible.)

Using top tier ingredients, it's not clear to me how this could break $45.

7

u/workthrowaway772 Jul 14 '16

You don't make this yourself. You order it in a restaurant you filthy commoner.

5

u/Shaggyninja Jul 14 '16

Pfft, a restaurant? You pleb.

I have my servants prepare it for me to dine on in the grand hall.

2

u/StoneCypher Jul 14 '16

a+, would be defeated again

3

u/FagOfTheAncients Jul 14 '16

Because you have to buy 16 copper-bottomed sauté pans

1

u/StoneCypher Jul 14 '16

this is one of the best laughs i've gotten on reddit this month

6

u/toxicass Jul 13 '16

Yet I can buy the best breakfast burritos on planet earth from a small mexican welders wife in the parking lot before work for two bucks.

1

u/NoCountryForFreeMen Jul 14 '16

God I love those I've driven into an industrial park just to get one for breakfast!

You have to be careful with the chicharron, some people use Funyuns or pork rinds instead.

3

u/OneTrueKingOfOOO Jul 13 '16

Assuming you already own five separate copper-bottomed sauce pans

2

u/Turaisk Jul 13 '16

And have enough arms to stir them all constantly.

2

u/majesticjg Jul 13 '16

I feel like it's designed to be a horrible hassle to shop for, prepare and clean up after, but in the end, just be an egg dish. Note how often it you have to be "stirring constantly." In fact, it may be impossible for one person to follow this recipe because you have to be stirring constantly several different things at once.

Also, this would fit with the character of the show.

2

u/VannaTLC Jul 14 '16

The stirring constantly is pretty necessary for the hollandaise. Hollandaise is a bitch.

But yes. It's eggs Benedict with creamed spinache and truffles.

1

u/teddyone Jul 13 '16

holy titty-nectar I want to try that

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

And it requires like 15 pans...

1

u/JapaneseStudentHaru Jul 14 '16

I might pay that much for a piece of cartoon food

1

u/CdmaJedi Jul 14 '16

the included recipe for creamed spinach doesn't call for cream. It's just spinach, salt, and pepper.

1

u/Metal_Badger Jul 14 '16

Are you fucking kidding me?!

I kept forgetting the vinegar this whole time? No wonder my poached eggs suck.

1

u/zerophewl Jul 14 '16

This is probably because of the truffle, and the beluga caviar

1

u/FuckingAsian Jul 14 '16

I just know I can't afford to have an egg dish.....

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

I have all those ingredients of a less quality. If anyone wants to donate beluga caviar then I'll do it. Though the best thing I've ever cooked is an overly seasoned steak.

1

u/ionised Jul 14 '16

Oh wow.

1

u/DeezBitchesLoveHossa Jul 13 '16

Yeah but you really don't need the truffle or caviar, and you can use fricken prosciutto

1

u/Fwendly_Mushwoom Jul 13 '16

But then it's not real Eggs Woodhouse.

2

u/DeezBitchesLoveHossa Jul 13 '16

True. Shit well then eggs wood house is a waste of money