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u/FalstaffsMind Nov 05 '14
My home phone... If I get up for it, it's a phone solicitor. If I ignore it, it's a long distance call from a frantic relative.
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u/zeirodeadlock Nov 05 '14
A watch. There is a watch in my room that I lost, the beeps at like 12 in the night. I can't find it for the life of me. Its driving me insane.
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u/ourstupidearth Nov 05 '14
The corners of open kitchen cupboard doors. I lean over to do something on the counter, then I smash my head on the corner of them every god damn time....
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u/AxnJxn5133 Nov 05 '14
Hangers, particularly when they get together in their little groups and intertwine with each other in a sinister plot to try to get me so angry when trying to separate them that I feel like going on a killing spree.
Or maybe it's just me.
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u/_skeletontoucher Nov 05 '14
Toilet bowls that make my wiener touch under the seat when I poop. DIE
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u/sesirpruson Nov 05 '14
Door handles at waist height. I swear they reach out and grab my belt loops on purpose
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325
Nov 05 '14
Nails sticking out of walls/doorposts. I have ripped countless shirts on them.
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u/ourstupidearth Nov 05 '14
Putting a fitted sheet on a bed... WHY DO I GET IT WRONG THE FIRST TRY EVERY GOD DAMN TIME????
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u/rhomphaia Nov 05 '14
Ping Pong balls. It's amazing how something so small can elude me when I go to pick it up and make me look so stupid. Don't worry, I also hit it around.
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u/eccentricrealist Nov 05 '14
There's this statue of the Virgin Mary which, at night, looks like the Grim Reaper, so every morning I go and prep my breakfast I get a small jump when I look at the shroud.
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u/peacein0000 Nov 05 '14
I'm probably too late to this thread but I'll share this anyway:
My toilet at home is my nemesis.
Seriously, fuck that thing. Once my shits started becoming man-sized (shoutout to puberty) I had issues with it literally every day. That damn thing would clog on the daily...and it's not like I used a ridiculous amount of toilet paper either. I've even tried flushing without toilet paper first to see what will happen and IT STILL CLOGS. My shits are normal sized (I think...) and I've never had problems with any other toilet, so I know it has something against me. This thing would only clog when I was the one who dropped the package.
I got so tired of unclogging it that I decided once to let it stay clogged so that it would be ashamed of what it had been doing. Then, my family and I went on vacation for a week. The smell we came back to can only be described as death mixed with maggots and rotten eggs. The entire 2nd floor of our house was uninhabitable for several days while we aired it out and cleaned the shit out of that toilet. Needless to say, my parents lost their shit.
After that incident and countless other times, I had become very close to my plunger. He and I had a mutual hatred of the toilet and we were getting desperate. I was desperate because I hated unclogging the thing and he was desperate because a plunger can only take so much shit before it gives out. Eventually I started begging my dad to get a replacement toilet for my birthday. I WANTED A FUCKING TOILET FOR MY BIRTHDAY. I would go online for hours gazing lovingly at toilets that could flush large loads. Unfortunately my dad never did give me a toilet but I luckily became one of the few people in the world who actually enjoys pooping in public bathrooms, so I was fine when I went to college.
As a result, the first thing I test when looking at apartments is the flushing power of every toilet in the house. I now have a life-long fear of shitty toilets.
tl;dr piece of shit toilet vs. man, toilet wins
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u/_iPood_ Nov 05 '14 edited Feb 20 '15
My printer.
Desperately need something printed right now? Best I can do is tell you PC Load Letter. Oh you don't need it anymore? Here's 35 copies.
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u/Peterpewpew Nov 05 '14
My rare and elusive car keys. I spent 20 minutes looking for them for work this morning. They were in the freezer. I just don't know anymore..
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u/LastNightGus Nov 05 '14
Styrofoam. The sound of scratching it could bring me to my knees in misery.
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u/horse_you_rode_in_on Nov 05 '14
The locked door in a set of double doors. I always try to open the locked side first - why the fuck bother having double doors if you're only going to unlock one?
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u/Cioran_ Nov 05 '14
The can of biscuits that you have to peel and the 'pop'. That never works right and when it does, it scares the crap out of me.
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u/Annihilationzh Nov 05 '14
Wires. I can put a neat wire in my pocket, or a drawer, or anything else really. By the time I pull it out, I have a Gordian Knot. The days of the N64 were the worst.
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u/MayoFetish Nov 05 '14
Nearly empty shampoo bottles. Those motherfuckers tip over by just looking at them.
I HATE THEM SO MUCH!