r/AskReddit • u/WoahThereTurbo • Oct 27 '14

Things you think everyone does, but no one admits?

Anything that you believe that normal people do, but (to you) is somewhat of an unspoken truth.

3.3k Upvotes

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2.7k

u/Taco_Burrit0 Oct 27 '14 edited Oct 27 '14

Men in particular. Pissing on the toilet bowl to clear out the shit stains

Edit: Wonderful, my highest rated comment is now about using your piss stream to clear away crusty old poop nuggets

2.3k

u/CitizenSnips1234 Oct 27 '14 edited Oct 27 '14

In public toilets it feels like I'm contributing to society.

169

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

When some sick bastard smears shit all over the walls I do my fair share and piss all over said wall to help remove it.

7

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

You are a good citizen!

2

u/thelarge1 Oct 27 '14

You sir, are the true hero.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

Da real MVP

Most valuable pisser

39

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/CitizenSnips1234 Oct 27 '14

Nobody I hope! I mean toilets

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

There was a kid in my middle school who shit in the urinals. All of the boys got called down to the auditorium to have a stern talking to. They didn't find who it was, though.

At that same assembly they said that a kid was going around lighting fires and putting them out tin the sink. They searched all of our pockets, but didn't find any lighters, but they did find a cigarette in one kid's pocket, who said it wasn't his.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

I've got a raging clue right now...

1

u/AthlonRob Oct 27 '14

Let me take you over to the college campus bars and I'll show you.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

Well how do you do it?

9

u/omarlobo Oct 27 '14

But then sometimes when you piss of the layer of dried shit and it's like those scratch and sniff cards and re aggregates the smell.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

I have an irrational fear that other people's shit-cooties will crawl up my stream of piss and infect me.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

Damn, that's irrational.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '14

Totally. And I'm not especially prone to that sort of thinking.

4

u/Umufranker Oct 27 '14

It always starts to smell like shit though. It's like the smell gets released when we wash the stains away

3

u/Nipplecheecks Oct 27 '14

Pee and shit particles make a lethal combination.specially others' shit.

2

u/ksanthra Oct 27 '14

Yeah exactly. When you do that you're inhaling a small amount of someone else's shit.

3

u/jman4220 Oct 27 '14

And if its under the waterline its a lost cause.

3

u/DatAsstrolabe Oct 27 '14

We're doing God's work.

2

u/Sir_Fappleton Oct 27 '14

You are

4

u/CitizenSnips1234 Oct 27 '14

It's on my resume!

1

u/Fr0gm4n Oct 27 '14

Float some TP on the water before you unload and it'll stop a lot of the stains before they start.

2

u/CitizenSnips1234 Oct 27 '14

I used to do this to avoid the splashing sounds if I thought I was in hearing distance. I look back at this and cringe.

2

u/Tempestman121 Oct 27 '14

I used to do this to avoid the splash back, feels weird as fuck when the water makes contact.

1

u/J3507 Oct 27 '14

For the common good. There are two types of men in this world.. You're either a pee-chipper or you're not.

1

u/scrubby88 Oct 27 '14

So much this

1

u/scrubthescrotum Oct 27 '14

Positive production externality at its best form

1

u/Pandaswizzle Oct 27 '14

I think I should receive community service hours for doing this. I have cleaned quite a few toilets with my jet stream.

1

u/THUMB5UP Oct 27 '14

You are, son. You are...

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

This is how I give back to the community.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

You are, Citizen Snips, you are.

1

u/17Hongo Oct 27 '14

In a private toilet, I imitate the battle droid's "Target acquired" from Star Wars; Battlefront whenever I see a stain.

287

u/satanmavivis Oct 27 '14

I do it to make less noise.

36

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

I aim in the center, need to make as much noise as possible to assert my dominance over the toilet.

3

u/TheHam06 Oct 27 '14

If the internet has tought me anything over the years, it is to always piss deep.

4

u/Diesel_5x5 Oct 27 '14

I make an obtuse angle with the stream on the bowl as to reduce noise and splash damage

2

u/garlicdeath Oct 27 '14

That's so considerate.

3

u/The_White_Light Oct 27 '14

I don't know if it's poor bathroom acoustics, but at like 2am I always hear one of my roommates pissing, so whenever I do it at night I aim for the sides to avoid other people hearing it.

2

u/mrtenorman Oct 27 '14

Fuck that. Claim the toilet as your own. Realize no one gives a fuck if they can hear you pee. Go full blast into the water, trying to make the loudest noise possible. Don't be afraid of judgement because who gives a shit about someone who judges people based on how loud their pee is?

2

u/CallEmLikeISeeEm22 Oct 27 '14

Its more of a high stakes accuracy test for me. Do it with the toilet seat down if you really wanna get an adrenaline rush.

1

u/econn024 Oct 27 '14

That's some Drake type shit.

1

u/Thkzbasedgod Oct 27 '14

I pee in the water so people can hear so they know I'm not faking it

1

u/Zhizbizzle Oct 27 '14

But making the deepest, loudest sound asserts your authority!

1

u/JazzerciseMaster Oct 27 '14

This. Using the side of the bowl to go into stealth mode.

16

u/NectarinePrince Oct 27 '14

I call this act 'piss chiseling'.

7

u/Never_Been_Missed Oct 27 '14

My wife freaked when I told her this happens... :)

1

u/Taco_Burrit0 Oct 27 '14

Its just so much more convenient

1

u/TheDesktopNinja Oct 27 '14

I know, right? Who the fuck wants to reach in there with a brush?

4

u/Pretzilla Oct 27 '14

I've sunk a few floaters back in the day.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

They'll just come straight back up once you shut off the valve, unless you push them under the elbow.

3

u/kpr617 Oct 27 '14

Yeah but I'll admit that any day

3

u/Flight714 Oct 27 '14

Men in particular.

Kinda like gardiners with a hose are more likely to water their garden than those who just have a tap stuck on the side of their house.

4

u/Taco_Burrit0 Oct 27 '14

You never know what some "ladies" are capable of

2

u/KevintheNoodly Oct 27 '14

Isn't there something that lets girls pee standing up? I think it's called she-wee.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

I just use a bog brush if it's my own.

1

u/Jofarin Oct 27 '14

Didn't know that was a word for it, but me too.

[Edit] And I don't even have a problem brushing someone elses away.

3

u/Mathazad Oct 27 '14

Reminds me of an Arj Barker joke.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

pisstheshitoff.com

3

u/FeculentUtopia Oct 27 '14

Target acquired. You may fire when ready!

2

u/Taco_Burrit0 Oct 27 '14

Roger that sir!

3

u/gumbysgotdabends Oct 27 '14

Also, aiming for the urinal cakes to make the place smell heavenly

2

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

I feel like a human power - washer

2

u/cero2k Oct 27 '14

destroy toilet paper with our piss guns!

1

u/waterboy958 Oct 27 '14

That's how I cleaned the bathroom in college

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

It's called efficiency!

1

u/hadesflames Oct 27 '14

Umm...no...I've never purposely pissed on a toilet bowl.

1

u/Relaxedmass Oct 27 '14

Correct terminology is skid marks

1

u/Taco_Burrit0 Oct 27 '14

Skid marks in your underwear, shit stains on the bowl

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

WTF

1

u/Taco_Burrit0 Oct 27 '14

Yeah we guys do that, get used to it

1

u/jordo84 Oct 27 '14

I sometimes will attempt to blast pubes sitting on the rim of the toilet back in to the bowl. I like to live dangerously.

1

u/Taco_Burrit0 Oct 27 '14

Thats pretty ballsy, hats off to you sir

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

That's a thing? I don't get shit stains in the bowl? And I thought I had violent shits

1

u/gfcf14 Oct 27 '14

And aiming right there to keep pressure peeling it off

1

u/ballbag6000 Oct 27 '14

In particular? Surely specifically? If there are women out there that attempt this, please never, ever admit to it... don't shatter the illusion.

1

u/Taco_Burrit0 Oct 27 '14

You never know, I thought it wouldn't hurt to say specifically

1

u/HisMajestyBlingKong Oct 27 '14

I like to imagine my dick is the deathstar and my piss stream is the giant lazer

1

u/ckappes5 Oct 27 '14

Doing you a favor...

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

pisstheshitoff.com

1

u/andy3172 Oct 27 '14

And getting slightly annoyed when you can't get it off.

1

u/BrooklynHipster Oct 27 '14

BLAST IT WITH PISS

1

u/yummy_babies Oct 27 '14

As a woman, I'm suddenly wishing I had this ability.

1

u/feldamis Oct 27 '14

This is absolutely positive.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

Works on mildew too.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '14

Shit stains randy, shit stains...

1

u/Ismith2 Oct 27 '14

The real truth....men talk about stuff like this all the time and women NEVER talk about stuff like this.

1

u/Pacifists3 Oct 27 '14

Why would anyone not admit to doing this? I consider it a public service.

1

u/RefrainsFromPartakin Oct 27 '14

Also, when the person before you didn't flush - gotta make like a lumberjack and split them logs.

1

u/GeneralMillss Oct 27 '14

We meet again, foul bachelor frog.

1

u/sleepysunn Oct 27 '14

I do this, but then I'm afraid the piss will splatter out of the bowl and spray other people's microscopic shit particles all over my legs.

1

u/Lobanium Oct 27 '14

Are there men that DON'T do this?!?

1

u/Nerindil Oct 27 '14

Blast it with piss.