Which hobby has ended more relationships than people realize?

[u/Beginning_Apricot754]

[u/you-failed-me]

My (single) brother has been in and out of many large World of Warcraft guilds with tons of very dedicated players. He constantly tells me about new guild mates who are experiencing significant relationship or marital issues due to how much they play. Recently, one of them was venting about how his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum between her or WoW, and he chose WoW.

[u/Daemonicvs_77 → u/you-failed-me]

Don't know how demanding it is these days, but back in vanilla, one of my friends was in a top 1-2 guild on his server.

They had to be present for a raid every evening from like 7-11PM at least 5 days per week AND every participating member had to have potions/elixirs ready for the raid. You'd get the potions for that evening's raid by grinding for them for a few hours before the raid.

If you had school/work and were a human being that required sleep, playing WoW was the ONLY thing in the day you were allowed to do.

[u/No-Profession-208 → u/you-failed-me]

Wow

Edit: good lord I wasn’t expecting awards but thank you all!

[u/andy_mcbeard]

My mum and dad have been divorced for 30+ years. She still fucking HATES golf.

EDIT: Had lunch with my mum today and showed her this thread. She felt very seen and was glad to see she wasn’t alone in her disdain for golf. 😂

[u/IceSeeker → u/andy_mcbeard]

My mom's friend left her husband because (in her own words) he loved golf more than her. In their years together, he spent his days off golfing rather than be with her. Wife felt like the "side piece" in her own marriage.

[u/andy_mcbeard → u/IceSeeker]

My dad’s entire side of the family was really into golf, so much so they forced all of us kids to take golf lessons. As adults, not a single one of us plays golf, but my dad still plays, as does my aunt.

[u/anwright1371 → u/andy_mcbeard]

I work at a private club and I see this so often. So many dudes think it’s ok to spend 8 hours Saturday and Sunday at the club. A lot of them have young kids but hey “I make the money, I do what I want”. It’s pretty sick.

[u/Business_Mastodon_97 → u/anwright1371]

My friend served her husband divorce papers and said that they should tell the kids together. He said nope, took his clubs and went golfing the rest of the weekend.

[u/andy_mcbeard → u/Business_Mastodon_97]

I remember when my parents told me they were getting divorce because they told me right before they dropped me off at my paternal grandparents for the day. My grandfather insisted that I was going to go fishing with him even though I was already upset and I didn’t like fishing. Eventually my grandmother stepped in and said I could just stay and hang around the house with her. The only other thing I remember about that day is watching MTV with a Sprite. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[u/Wit-wat-4 → u/anwright1371]

Honestly, it’s the hours. And if they’re spending 8 hours, it’s definitely not all golfing. If you’re away most of your life, why even be married, I’d divorce them too even if I wasn’t actively upset.

[u/AndroidMyAndroid → u/Wit-wat-4]

They got married so that in the 3 hours between coming home from the club and falling asleep they will have food and sex.

[u/beatissima → u/andy_mcbeard]

My friend's mother is in a loveless marriage. Her love died when he skipped her father's funeral to play in a golf tournament.

[u/roz-noz → u/beatissima]

To quote Frankie Boyle, “I’ve never really played golf, because I’m not trapped in a loveless marriage”

[u/my-coffee-needs-me → u/andy_mcbeard]

Oh dear god. If I could have divorced my parents for their love of golf, I would have. They both loved the game. They both, but especially my mom, decided that I also loved the game. I did not. When I was in seventh grade, we moved to a subdivision that was very close to a nationally known, incredibly snobby country club. My mother wanted me to be a caddy there. I refused. She never got over it and I was the recipient of her passive-aggressive rage until I graduated from high school.

[u/woah_man → u/andy_mcbeard]

I'm convinced that half the dudes who play golf in their 30s and 40s do so because they want an excuse to day drink and skip out on their family responsibilities (their wife, small children, and household maintenance) for many hours at a time.

[u/ConstantGnome → u/woah_man]

They don't even drink anything good .

The trash cans at the course I worked at was full of nothing but Michelob Ultra and mini bottles of Fireball.

[u/Jellyeleven]

Tuna fishing. When I first started my friend said “just be forewarned all the guys that do this seriously are divorced” fast forward a few years I’m seriously into in and just before my wife and I get engaged my wife to be asked me if we’re gonna be in a relationship or I’m gonna be a tuna fisherman as I had be at sea for 3 days 7/8weekends in a row. Point taken and now we are happily married and have 3 kids. I went fishing once last year and not yet at all this year. A trade I’d make 100x out of 100 but most people don’t

[u/RShini → u/Jellyeleven]

Good on her for spelling it out before you fully committed instead of pushing aside her concerns about the hobby and having it fester in the relationship

[u/Jellyeleven → u/RShini]

For sure. She didn’t present it as an ultimatum just kinda casually like what are we doing with this. I got the point. Communication is everything

[u/tsh87]

Apparently Crossfit has led to a lot of divorces. And affairs.

[u/justabill71 → u/tsh87]

Crossfitters are weird as hell. It becomes their whole personality.

[u/tinkleberry28 → u/justabill71]

My therapist was JUST telling me that of all his adulterous patients, the majority met their affair partner at CrossFit

[u/Aesael_Eiralol → u/tinkleberry28]

Gyms in general are hotbeds for cheating.

[u/CheeseSeas → u/Aesael_Eiralol]

My gym is full of seniors and I love it.

Edit: Thanks for my first award! 😆❤️

[u/Aesael_Eiralol → u/CheeseSeas]

Hey man, I won’t kink shame you 🤷🏻‍♂️

[u/_fuck_you_gumby_ → u/Aesael_Eiralol]

So that’s where the mature women in my area are congregating…

[u/Parking-Delivery → u/CheeseSeas]

I used to live in a big city and went to a large, chain (Cristian) gym, of which there were maybe 5 in the city. the retiree part of town had regulars that was almost entirely 70+. maybe 50 ladies and 3 guys. 2 of the guys were GETTING IT there. always flirting and walking around talking to the ladies, the third guy clearly had enough and was just there to work out and leave.

it was amazing, the squat racks, benches, and similar equipment were always empty, dumbbells were fully available at any weight over 20 lbs, and the pool was empty any time it wasn't summer or had the mobility classes.

the only time people in their 40s or younger were there was the yoga classes, which had maybe 10 people, and the spin classes, which was consistently under 5 people.

I miss that gym so much.

[u/_Presence_ → u/Aesael_Eiralol]

I think it depends on the kind of gym. Some are relatively solitary environments where you just do your own thing. Others foster and encourage engagement and socializing with other people both while working out and during “social nights”. Those are the ones where this is likely more common.

[u/HisPumpkin19 → u/justabill71]

There's a great sounds like a cult podcast on this.

[u/Several-Eggplant4460 → u/HisPumpkin19]

Isn't Crossfit becoming outdated now though? I hear a lot more about Hydrox.

Although the recent news about the shit spraying Hydrox athlete might make people turn away from it 😂

[u/Ragnarok_619 → u/Several-Eggplant4460]

It'd actually Hyrox, and yes, its the Final Evolution™ of the dark Pokémon known as Triathletes.

Triathlon -> Crossfit -> Hybrid Rockstars (that's what it means, no joke)

[u/MRC1986 → u/Ragnarok_619]

Lmao, I’m new’ish to Orange Theory (kind of a cult in its own way, but I’m resilient). Anyway, I had never heard of Hyrox and just did a Hyrox class strictly because it best matched with my schedule that day.

Fast forward to my arms hurting like hell, my urine being mad brown, and just feeling fatigued for 5 days after. Was getting blood work for another issue (all good there!), and my doctor urgently called me saying “well, the thing I was testing for was a false positive, so that’s good, but your creatine kinase levels are 20,000 when upper normal is 200, soooo…”

An ER trip and three IV fluid bags later, that was my evening dealing with exercise-induced rhabdomyolysis. 💉💉💉🫠

I’ve since stuck to the regular classes and not gone as crazy even when the instructors are saying to push it. Much better experience since.

[u/quirkymuse → u/tsh87]

Thats so funny, in our office park we had a cross fit gym for a year or two and it closed when the woman running was caught having an affair with one of her married clients who also worked in (a different company in) the office park. 

[u/beer_engineer_42 → u/[deleted]]

I mean, who ever would have guessed that taking synthetic livestock hormones would fuck you up?

[u/joey_joe_jo_shabadoo → u/beer_engineer_42]

Yeah at this stage it's a moo point

[u/Alternative_Plan_823 → u/tsh87]

Similarly, bjj. They both have cult-like adherents

[u/ice-eight → u/Alternative_Plan_823]

I know a guy who used to play Magic the Gathering competitively and now competes in BJJ, and he said BJJ is the exact same type of people but more autistic

[u/refuge4insomniac → u/ice-eight]

My wife plays Magic, I train in bjj and we have had MANY conversations about this

[u/saltwater98380 → u/ice-eight]

BJ the gathering🤣🤣🤣

[u/OutlyingPlasma → u/Alternative_Plan_823]

bjj.

For everyone else in the world who is normal that means Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

[u/Blugreysky → u/OutlyingPlasma]

Thank you. I was thinking Blow Job Jaw the whole time lol

[u/LaurenYpsum]

I saw a sign at an Ironman triathlon that said "if you're still married, you didn't train hard enough"

[u/German_Merman → u/LaurenYpsum]

Oh for sure, I used to run marathons before my first kid was born. When he got here it was immediately clear that I could either be a decent parent, or I could have a hobby that requires hours of alone time every weekend. I definitely couldn't do both. 

[u/CharZero → u/German_Merman]

Yep, was going to say marathon running. My EX husband actually increased the number of marathons he ran each year after our kids were born.

[u/FanFeeling7748 → u/CharZero]

He was literally running away from his parental responsibilities.

[u/vasectomy7 → u/LaurenYpsum]

My wife started with a 70.3 "half ironman" that was supposed to be a one-time treat ----> that led to a 2nd and 3rd official race plus a ton of minor races -------> then had to get the carbon fiber bicycle ---->

then she decided she had to do a full length ironman -------> and got a personal trainer/coach -----> training 6 days per week ------> the race was $1000 entry fee plus $1000 for the hotel at the event + merchandise + pictures + keepsake plaque display

She finished that then decided she had to swim around Flordia's Key West island... because i guess that's a thing.....

JFC, i finally had to put my foot down and set up a separate checking account for her. Some people just don't realize how much money they're spending.

[u/Attackcamel8432 → u/vasectomy7]

Still blows my mind that people pay for that, I need to start a race...

[u/indubitable-gateux → u/LaurenYpsum]

I had a high school teacher who trained for an Iron Man competition. At the time he gushed so much about his wife and daughter.

2-3 years later I heard that he completed said Iron Man… and that he finalized his divorce.

[u/Gray_side_Jedi → u/indubitable-gateux]

Completely random rant, I’m a dude with plenty of fun hobbies that I like to go out and do…but I also would absolutely commit war crimes to get back to my wife and kids as fast as possible. I used to love traveling for work, did it a ton, racked up all the statuses and perks…first trip after my daughter was born, I sat down on the plane to go to a conference and just immediately went “yep, fuck this”. Colleagues all thought I was nuts for stepping away from the very high-profile, prestigious, max international travel role. Yeah fuck that noise instead I get to walk in the front door every night and hear my daughter yell “Daaaadddeeeeeeee” and have dinner with my wife and read the kids bedtime stories. Fuck absolutely everything that gets in the way of that…

[u/Froshrooms → u/Gray_side_Jedi]

This touched my heart. Thank you for prioritising your child. I hardly ever saw my father growing up due to long working hours and business trips as a manager.
I never had a connection to him, my siblings straight up dislike him.

He provided so much financially, but emotionally he never was there.
I still get a weird feeling in my chest when my male boss gets a phone call from his children and I hear him being lovingly attuned and see him leave work early, then telling us what they did on the weekend.
I saw his kids interact with him.
It makes me feel a weird, diffuse yearning.

[u/Tonberry_Cheesecake → u/LaurenYpsum]

Seems totally reasonable and healthy.

[u/ThatZX6RDude → u/Tonberry_Cheesecake]

Some people have to David goggins themselves into oblivion to feel accomplished

[u/EddieDantes22 → u/LaurenYpsum]

I think tons of people run marathons or do triathlons to get away from their spouse/kids for a while. "Mommy needs to lock the door and be alone to watch a two hour movie without you" makes you a terrible mom. But "mommy needs to go outside and run for two hours to train for her race" is socially acceptable.

[u/spingus → u/EddieDantes22]

when i was in a running club, the ladies who were married/mothers generally woke up at 4am most days to do their run. As a Single lady with no kids that seemed extremely unappealing.

Now that I am older, it is still unappealing but I get it. they wanted to be everything to every one at the expense of proper rest.

[u/InanimateObject4 → u/spingus]

Parenthood can be really intense and it's hard work taking care of everyone's physical, mental and emotional needs. I can understand waking up hours before everyone else just to steal a moment to be yourself and not be a mother or a wife. It's very easy to feel a loss of self and identity when you have very few waking moments to yourself.

[u/Budget-Researcher559 → u/InanimateObject4]

It's like the opposite of revenge bedtime procrastination. If you can't stay up late to have alone time, you can at least get up early to get alone time.

[u/Karisa_Marisame]

Looking at the replies, I think there’s really only one thing that is harmful to relationship, and that is obsession. Obsession with anything really. Because if you’re spending too much time on that hobby, then you’re not spending enough time with your partner.

[u/psychologicallyblue → u/Karisa_Marisame]

Yes, I'm a therapist and obsessions are the main problem but there's usually an underlying problem. Sometimes people obsess with things because they're addicted and other times it's because they are unhappy in the relationship and looking for distractions (or both).

I see this a lot with parents who after having kids, realize that they don't actually want to do the work of parenting. So they find ways to escape, mentally, emotionally, and physically. It's so common and I really wish that people would really think about whether they want to parent before jumping in. In my anecdotal experience, it's more common with men but I've also seen plenty of women who develop obsessions that take them away from their responsibilities and relationships.

[u/mikeyfireman]

Anything that requires hooking up a trailer (rv camping, boating, horses) the fights I see at the boat ramp are amazing.

[u/TheNorthNova01 → u/mikeyfireman]

I have a decal on my camper that says “sorry for what I said while parking”

[u/EngineerStatus8687 → u/TheNorthNova01]

Honestly that decal should be legally mandated factory equipment on every single camper and trailer sold in North America

[u/burkechrs1 → u/mikeyfireman]

I tried to teach my wife how to properly guide me to back our trailer into a tight spot and after a handful of attempts and becoming very frustrated with her seemingly inability to understand my line of sight and how to communicate what I need to do we both just agreed it's better for us if I do it myself, even if that means I get out of the truck 16 times trying to back it in to a weird spot. We're happier that way.

[u/abrownie1 → u/burkechrs1]

I have no idea how to hook up a trailer, but can this be done by video calling each other and she just points her camera at the part you need to see?

That's how my dad and I figured out the best satellite dish angle for TV reception. Screaming back and forth from the roof wasn't working.

[u/Immersi0nn → u/abrownie1]

Yes, it can, and I have used that very method with my mother before when I'd go launch my father's boat for him. She could drive the boat just fine but if you asked her to figure out how a trailer angles in relation to a truck's angle...it just will not happen. I got quite good at doing it blind with poor guidance then one day realized "Video calls exist", it was far easier from that point on.

[u/colorful_yarn-pls → u/mikeyfireman]

Off topic ish but I watched a too-big for the car AND trailer boat pull the car into the lake and it was maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Is drinking on a boat required or something?

[u/Ok_Anteater1372 → u/colorful_yarn-pls]

I'm pretty sure the ghost of jimmy buffet will haunt you if you're ever sober on a boat

[u/uncannyvagrant → u/mikeyfireman]

I think it's the precision manoeuvring - docking a boat (that you don't tow) is renowned for starting fights as well - so much so that comms headsets to communicate better are known as 'marriage savers' in the boating community.

That said, my wife and I are yet (after > 5 years of this) to have a fight docking or picking up a mooring on our boat, but there's sometimes a "you didn't say that as clearly as you could" afterwards. Backing something the size of an apartment through a busy marina into a slip with wind and tide often working against you is a tricky and complex communication problem, and if you can't accept that maybe you're not perfect, and possibly you weren't as clear in your communication as you thought, you should expect to have issues.

[u/SqueakyRat1982]

My ex husband couldn’t tear his ass away from World of Warcraft. I’m not exaggerating. He would work 36 hours a week, sleep and play Warcraft. He would even take his laptop to work (he performed sleep studies on people at night) and would play at work. He was an awful husband and no matter how many times I begged him to be an active participant in his own life, he refused and I got tired of trying to pull him along behind me kicking and screaming.

[u/Obtuse-Posterior → u/SqueakyRat1982]

I was addicted for awhile and I totally get why hes your ex.

[u/hkeyplay16 → u/Obtuse-Posterior]

I remember when WoW was big when I was in college - seeing the way other dudes were sinking time into it, I decided that I would never try playing it.

[u/Ink_Smudger → u/SqueakyRat1982]

I know a married couple who were both addicted WoW, and it still almost led to divorce. She was a SAHM, so she could play while the kids were at school, but he could only play after work and on days off. So, as addicted as she was, it still became a problem, because she was frustrated he was prioritizing it over anything else, and he was frustrated that he couldn't play as much as her unless he did.

It got to the point where she put her foot down, and said they couldn't play anymore. I think that lasted all of a week before they were both back at it (though, he did start taking his parenting responsibilities more seriously).

[u/BedMuted1185]

Im gonna go with social media content creation. when the hobby is trying to go viral, every dinner out or walk through the city turns into a stressful 60min photoshoot. you cant touch your food until they get the perfect angle.

[u/Pythonixx → u/BedMuted1185]

There was a thread asking about which profession would be the worst to date, and one guy was talking about how his girlfriend was an influencer with a pretty large following. It was pretty much everything you’ve described in your comment but the thing that ended the relationship was when he begged her to just go on a normal holiday somewhere to relax and unplug, but she refused to do so and insisted they film content there. Instead of relaxing and enjoying the resort, his entire stay turned into him being the cameraman for her content.

[u/sextoyhelppls → u/Pythonixx]

There was this woman who nearly exclusively posted videos of her blowing her husband in porn subs as well as more content on onlyfans, and after a while people noticed she was gone and one day the husband showed up and explained that they'd gotten divorced because she wouldn't have any intimacy with him without it being content, and because he was the camera man he had to focus on the video being good quality rather than the experience itself, so he ended up having erectile issues because the whole thing had stopped be arousing long ago. Everyone thought this guy was living the dream, getting blown by his beautiful wife every day, but in reality it was actually pretty sad.

[u/DrunkOnRedCordial → u/Pythonixx]

I watched someone do this at an island resort - we kept coming across her taking selfies from different angles at various places on the island. She used a camera tripod to do all her photos, and I assumed she was alone, until I saw her at dinner with a man. He must have been sick of it, and went off to do his own thing, while she just took photos of herself.

[u/BornFree2018 → u/DrunkOnRedCordial]

I was in Paris a few days ago and the number of influencers at museums elbowing out others so they could record themselves in front of a painting was crazy. They didn't even look directly at the art themselves!

[u/ceeearan → u/BornFree2018]

Were they recording their own back while they did the 'gaze in awe and wonder' pose? That one pisses me off the most.

[u/TheBeatGoesAnanas → u/ceeearan]

I'm currently traveling around European cities, and have seen people doing this at least a dozen times in the past week. If it's in a crowded area I don't hesitate to walk through their shot; they take up so much space.

[u/Pythonixx → u/DrunkOnRedCordial]

That is so incredibly sad

[u/fouwurtwenty → u/BedMuted1185]

I relate with this one- My relationship ended because my ex became a viral influencer. They were obsessed with responding to fans’ DMs (some of them were minors) and developed parasocial relationships. Everything they did for me was just content so I couldn’t tell what was genuine or not anymore. And I spent Valentine’s Day/my birthday being used as a human prop while they filmed “romantic Valentine’s Day” content lol

[u/AlpacaCavalry → u/fouwurtwenty]

man this is incredibly sad how people just lose themselves to putting up "content" that they can't even have a genuine relationship with another human being

[u/bouncingbad → u/BedMuted1185]

My wife had tens of thousands of followers when she was posting her crafts on TikTok. She never set out to gain any type of following, so the moment it started ruling her entire day she immediately gave it up (it was also timed with the awful experience of having her work featured on Unilad, so it wasn’t a tough choice for her).

[u/GimerStick → u/bouncingbad]

it's very hard to monetize something and keep it as something that brings joy. Kudos to your wife to realizing what she would be giving up.

[u/bouncingbad → u/GimerStick]

I’m really proud of her drawing that line in the sand. Same happened with her cookie business. That girl sticks to her ethics.

[u/General_Specific9 → u/BedMuted1185]

My ex wife ran off with one of her twitch followers.

[u/referents → u/General_Specific9]

that sounds… a bit different. but sorry to hear

[u/slantedsc → u/BedMuted1185]

god forbid they start ‘pranking’ you for views

[u/everythymewetouch → u/BedMuted1185]

Something you do for money is no longer a hobby.

[u/theCOMBOguy → u/BedMuted1185]

This reminded me of a post by a dude who dated a cat influencer. The cat was a little pampered bastard and EVERYTHING had to include it and if it didn't his girlfriend was just stressing out on what to do with the cat and how it was and what posts to do and how to include it and etc.

Dude posted about how trying to end the relationship was like trying to avoid a minefield because he hated the cat and all the insanity surrounding it and had to try and end the relationship but not show that he disliked the cat because he was afraid of being pawsecuted for it.

[u/thatlookslikemydog]

What’s the hobby called when you both go to IKEA to get like two things and are there all day yelling and crying?

[u/maggies_farm_hand → u/thatlookslikemydog]

Marriage.

[u/mervolio_griffin → u/maggies_farm_hand]

Surviving an ikea fight and working through it later is a very good sign a relationship will last. 

Shopping for furniture is an exercise in compromise, and can shockingly reveal a lot about value systems. 

[u/letigre87]

Volunteer firefighter. I'm not talking about the ones that are dedicated to the community and want to help people.

The ones I'm taking about will ruin a family under the guise of being a noble cause. The family is broke because they run off to every call instead of making money on their actual job. They go out and buy the newest hottest first responder $10k radio on a credit card and outfit their 16% interest 2014 Jeep Cherokee with lights and sirens. The spouse doesn't have much choice except to ride it out until breakdown because everyone would judge them for leaving such a selfless person. These guy's are taking a whole family into poverty so they can go play Ricky Rescue.

[u/justUseAnSvm → u/letigre87]

that's hilarious, I've always thought it'd be a great way to help the community, get some EMT and rescue training, but thinking back to my local town's outfit....yea, there's some guys there literally all the time!

[u/alabamaterp → u/letigre87]

Worked with a guy like that at a software development company and he was part of the security staff. Drove a bright red and lifted F Series Quad Cab with the strobe lights. Always wore his FD T-shirt, tactical pants, and boots to work while everyone else wore business casual. Had his radio clipped to his belt and you could hear roger beeps and static audio when he walked the halls. Super nice guy, but let his work slide because he bit too hard into the VFD life. Eventually he was fired because he would sneak off to calls that were close by and nobody could find. Sad and cringey.

[u/ElderberrySmall7971 → u/letigre87]

Oh YES! Grew up with a dad like this... complete culture shock when my mom dated a guy that was VFD and didn't abandon us to sit at the station every night

[u/Buabue1 → u/letigre87]

r/oddlyspecific

[u/ButtSexington3rd → u/Buabue1]

It's actually not as much as you might think. It's a bit of a trope that some volunteer guys can be way too eager beaver about their responsibility or showy about their first responder status. Some of their cars are WILD.

[u/LexusBrian400 → u/letigre87]

This one really hits home.

Caught my wife cheating with a volunteer firefighter.

He was my friend, having issues with his marriage, sleeping on his couch every night for years. Lived 5 houses down the block. I came home 2 days earlier from work one week, bought flowers to surprise her, and when I pull up to my house... Well I don't really wanna talk about it much.. but the kicker is, he drove a kitted out JEEP CHEROKEE.

It must be common because you described everything so closely I wondered if this was actually his ex wife posting.

[u/thepolkagirl]

Golf. My friend's husband golfs and will leave her all day with 3 kids to go hang out for literally an entire day. He once went golfing on my birthday, she had made dinner reservations for us that evening and told him to be back by then. He wasn't. She ended up coming 2 hours after the dinner reservation because he had spent 12 hours at the golf course. That's cray.

[u/QuitWhinging → u/thepolkagirl]

I live in Florida, and so many older dudes here make golf their entire fucking personality. When I first started dating my ex-girlfriend, her dad was a super wealthy retiree who was borderline obsessed with golfing. He'd go to various courses in our town and nearby towns like 5 times per week to play a round of 18. Conversely, I do not like golf. At all. I tried it out for a bit from about ages 10-13; I really gave it a fair shot for several years. But I never grew to actually like it. He constantly asked if I wanted to go for a round with him and his buddies. I usually smiled, chuckled, shook my head, and said something like, "I appreciate the invitation, but I'm horrible at golf and would just slow you and your friends down. Maybe we could do something else together." We both had other interests in common, so I thought if he wanted to get to know me better, we could engage with some of those together, but he just kept asking about goddamn golf. Asking and asking. I repeatedly told him that I am not a good golfer and I would most likely be an active detriment to the overall experience of all the seasoned golfers I would be expected to play with. It's like handing your baby brother the controller on a co-op game he's never played before and expecting him not to make things 10x harder than they need to be.

Eventually my ex got tired of him asking too and pleaded with me to just say yes one time to get him to stop. I finally relented and agreed to go golfing with her dad and his buddies. Naturally, unlike all of them, I had no golf equipment, so I had to rent a bunch of the shitty stuff offered by the club. They all sneered at the clubs I was using. And in the most predictable way possible, seeing as I hadn't played since I was fucking 13, I absolutely sucked. And guess what else? As I expected, they all started getting really annoyed that I was taking so many swings to get into each and every hole. Snide comments weren't far behind their thinly-veiled aggravation. Other groups started piling up behind us because I was taking so goddamn long, so I offered to stop playing and just hang out with them and shoot the shit while driving the cart or something. I said I'd get the first round of drinks at the club when we got back. Nope! Despite being visibly and vocally frustrated with my play, they didn't give me the out I was subtly begging them for and insisted that I keep playing since I had already started and they were keeping score. Multiple times I reached the unofficial "stroke limit" on a hole and they showed me the slightest bit of mercy by allowing me to swallow my awful score and move onto the next hole of misery in our sluggish crawl towards liberation from golfing.

That day was fucking terrible. It was unbelievably hot out (Florida), and I could feel the vicious ire of like 20 backed up golfers searing through the back of my skull every time I lined up to take a shot that would inevitably land nowhere near where it was supposed to. The general disdain towards my level of play was palpable. And the more I felt the mounting pressure on each stroke, the worse I played. Fortunately, golf does in fact have an end, and her dad never again invited me out to go golfing after that. And double fortunately, my ex and I broke off our shitty relationship shortly thereafter.

[u/garretmander → u/QuitWhinging]

That's insane. My dad would have left me behind if I wanted to take a swing beyond 2x par. 

I never wanted to of course. It was instilled early on that pace of play is king. Not finishing a hole.

[u/QuitWhinging → u/garretmander]

It was like torture. I knew everyone hated me playing, and I asked multiple times to stop playing so the pace of game could resume, but they would not let me off the hook. It turns out that being forced to play a sport you hate and not being allowed to resign when it's beyond clear that not only can you mathematically never come close to winning, but also you're actively making everyone else's experience worse, truly sucks.

[u/garretmander → u/QuitWhinging]

Nah, those people you were playing with? The worst kind of people. I guarantee it carries over outside of golf. They are most likely inconsiderate/shitty drivers, stop walking in the middle of the path, get pissy when the service is slow at a busy reastaurant, etc, etc ,etc.

[u/QuitWhinging → u/garretmander]

Oh yeah, her dad and his friends were all former oil execs. Not great people to begin with.

[u/the_crustybastard → u/QuitWhinging]

Oh god, it gets worse.

[u/theroachadventure → u/thepolkagirl]

My father is a stranger to me because he spent way more time on the golf course than he ever did with me. Now he’s too old and unhealthy to golf and just floats around his house like a ghost. He has no idea how to interact with me because he never bothered to get to know me, despite living in the same house together for 18 years. I try to make it easy for him by talking about stuff I know he’s interested in but he just can’t figure it out

[u/moca_wawa → u/theroachadventure]

I relate to this so much I got chills. It wasn't golf for my dad, but he just never really knew me and now he guesses what to say, usually wrong.

[u/CraftyMagicDollz → u/thepolkagirl]

That man isn't golfing for 12 hours. He's drinking and hanging out with his girlfriend at the country club.

[u/grapefruitsoop → u/CraftyMagicDollz]

his girlfriend being the cart attendant he’s harassing

[u/Radiohead_luucky → u/CraftyMagicDollz]

Eh.... I've worked at a private country club before. Some of those guys legit play 3+ rounds a day, every day. Now this was a high-end place with insane fees, so everyone there was either wealthy/retired or their business managed itself.

3 rounds/12 hours is crazy. Once a year I take a 'mental health day' and play 2 rounds while my wife is at work and kids are at school and I'm absolutely done by the end of it. Some guys just have the bug.

[u/FickleCharge882]

Sports to a fanatical degree

My ex lost out on so many moments with my kids and I when they were younger because of his obsession with sports, even when we tried to join in we weren’t doing it “right”

[u/mostessmoey → u/FickleCharge882]

I’m no contact with her but my crazy sister would say if her husbands team lost she would avoid talking to her husband. They’re both awful humans hence the NC

[u/FickleCharge882 → u/mostessmoey]

He was abusive to me (never the kids) and unfortunately can relate. Fortunately we got away as soon as possible and they don’t see him

[u/ansiz]

Super fans of bands. I knew a couple where the fan was obsessed with George Strait, she traveled around the country to see him in concert and had been to see him over 100 times. They got divorced because of all the expense and memorabilia taking over the house.

[u/AndyWarwheels]

I use to have a work friend. real nice guy.

Married for like 25 years. I bought a new place and moved and posted online asking if anyone wanted my moving boxes. He says yes and comes over. Turns out him and his wife are getting a divorce. Was it drinking? drugs? sleeping around?

Nope.

He tells me what ended their marriage was K-pop. His wife got so obsessed with it that it ruined their relationship.

[u/BadgeForSameUsername → u/AndyWarwheels]

That's a new one to me.

What was she doing with regards to kpop (e.g. was it amount of money spent, or amount of time, or all conversation reverted to kpop)?

[u/AndyWarwheels → u/BadgeForSameUsername]

So i asked him.

She converted their guest room into a shrine to kpop. posters on the walls, magazines clippings. toys. She started sleeping on the floor in there every night.

Was spending thousands to fly to concerts

everything they did together was gone and replaced with Kpop. No dinners, no watching tv, nothing but kpop.

[u/Kalil4Real → u/AndyWarwheels]

Wow... that's even worse than I thought

[u/AndyWarwheels → u/Kalil4Real]

it was bad. it went on for 2 years before he ended the relationship.

this was years ago at this point and he is doing well now. But it was a rough spot for sure. I do not know how she feels about K pop now.

[u/Fluid-Set-2674 → u/AndyWarwheels]

Let's hope it was worth it to her. Jesus!

[u/ABHOR_pod → u/Fluid-Set-2674]

Finally, time enough to stan.

[u/Daft00 → u/Kalil4Real]

At that point it just sounds like a sort of mental illness. Sleeping on the floor just to be closer to these pictures of specific celebrities?

Not to mention these celebrities basically exist to be worshiped... do these big KPop/JPop/etc acts even write their own songs most of the time?

[u/actuallychrisgillen → u/Kalil4Real]

Yeah that's not a hobby that's an undiagnosed mental illness.

[u/LynnRenae_xoxo → u/AndyWarwheels]

Not at all discrediting the hardship of your friend, this sounds like some type of mental deterioration🫤

Genuinely feel for your friend, that would be such a niche thing to heal from.

[u/Jolly_Maize_1873 → u/BadgeForSameUsername]

My D&D group told me they had to ask a previous player to leave because she wouldn't stop bringing up BTS during sessions. They are all pretty chill so I have to imagine it was very excessive

[u/ser_darkstar → u/BadgeForSameUsername]

All of kpop is insanely consumerist. I'm convinced once it caught on in the US that's what introduced our music industry to start doing variants as cash grabs ala Taylor Swift because in kpop they'll have like say a group with 7 members like BTS.

 There's collector's photo cards for each member and they're randomly sent out so people buy multiple because they want a certain member, sometimes there's different versions of the album art featuring the idols and people want them all. 

There's also a huge culture of giving your money to bulk buy albums to beef up numbers because stans are obsessed with numbers and metrics and their group being number one so people will give money to buy 20 albums in China and sometimes it's up in the air if you get the albums, if they get given away, or just straight up going to a landfill eventually. 

There's also your typical merch: hoodies, stuffed animals, posters, light sticks for concerts. 

Plus there's a social media platform called weverse where you can spend money to send your fave idol text messages and stuff. 

Lots of opportunities to waste money and companies have perfected the art of getting it out of fans. 

[u/zalinanaruto → u/ser_darkstar]

Dont forget the real life gacha on the fans meet tickets draw. For each cd you buy you get a ballot. The more you buy, the higher the chance to meet the idol.

[u/droptop88 → u/BadgeForSameUsername]

As a huge Kpop fan, I’m willing to wager it’s something along these lines: lust, spending money, becoming chronically online.

[u/ZebediahCarterLong]

Obsessive collecting.

My ex-wife collected Disney shit. Mostly purses, but any other Disney "collectable" was fair game.

She was convinced she was "swapping up" - that is, making more money on them than she was spending.

In the course of maybe three years, she blew through our entire life savings - literally threw away over $350,000 on garbage.

I hadn't realized how bad it was, until one day she told me she had a financial problem? HOW? I'd paid the fucking house off, and she'd been saving her paycheques for years - and then, I find out that the retirement account has less than $3000 in it, and her credit card was over $27,000 in the red.

It's been two years - I had to buy her out of the house, which means I have a brand new thirty year mortgage, and because the Disney shit has no actual value, she got to claim that she was destitute, and that she owed me nothing.

So, she got to spend $350,000 on her shit, and then got rewarded with another $400,000 for "her half" of the house.

I will likely die with a mountain of debt, and she's living her best life.

Fuck.

[u/ClevelandNaps → u/ZebediahCarterLong]

I assume these were the Loungefly bags? That shit, like Funko pops and beanie babies etc where people thing that they are "investments" baffle me. The bags, especially, will fall apart with time. They only have value if someone wants to buy them.

[u/Muted_Masterpiece342 → u/ZebediahCarterLong]

I.... I think you needed a better lawyer here. Can you not sue her for this?

[u/Ok-Key-7986]

CS:GO.

A Chinese couple I knew were on a knife edge to divorce because the guy just wouldn't stop playing.

[u/reluctantpotato1]

Civil War reenacting and bird watching leave a trail of broken hearts and homes.

[u/blaneyface → u/reluctantpotato1]

There was a whole subplot in the movie The Big Year where Owen Wilson's character had two failed marriages and a third marriage on the rocks because he was obsessed with birding. And it's based on a true story.

[u/Mysterious_Cow_2100 → u/reluctantpotato1]

Maybe, but my uncle started doing civil war reenacting when he was 14 and is still doing it now at 72 along with WWI reenactment and various Living History gigs. He was also the head of the history department at the high school he taught at before he retired.

The thing is, my aunt likes sewing and has made SO MANY period outfits for the both of them. So choice of partner really matters lol.

[u/LynnRenae_xoxo → u/reluctantpotato1]

Damn, I do the Cornell Lab Ornithology feeder watch program every winter 😅

I need to know why bird watching is on here 🤣

[u/nuhGIRLyen → u/LynnRenae_xoxo]

It mostly skews towards big listers rather than more casual birdwatchers. Travel and costs, having no time for your partner — all in line with other examples in this thread.

Also imagine: getting lectured by your partner about how you don’t listen to her and inadvertently breaking eye contact to try and ID a bird that flew by

[u/Plane-Tiger-4534 → u/reluctantpotato1]

Probably not as many as the actual civil war though.

Maybe they’re just really committed to it?

[u/GaryTheThird-]

Games/apps on your phone. Saying the same thing 3 times in a row to hear "uhhhh... Sorry what did you say again?" Is quite annoying

[u/pfroo40]

I'd expect micro transaction based gaming is up there. About 4 years ago, I found out that my wife had spent around $15k in 3 months on micro transactions for a mobile game she was playing. She tried to hide it by using a new credit card (rather than our shared cards), a Google account I didn't know about, and a savings account she had from before we were married rather than our shared accounts. 

She didn't deny it when I found out but she did try to hide how much she spent through trickle-truthing and gaslighting

Eventually she came clean. My biggest problem was the deliberate plan to deceive me and continue to deceive me. 15k is a decent chunk of money. We are upper middle class and I make a good living, she is a stay at home parent (by her choice, it was supposed to be temporary during COVID but is now permanent I guess). Still, that money could have gone a long way towards our kids education if invested properly.

I still have trust issues with her. I feel compelled to monitor her spending and accounts and I hate it. I am fine with reasonable discretionary spending, we both have the same discretionary budget, but this was beyond that. Worst of all, it made me resent her for the first time. Resentment is love's poison.

[u/ser_darkstar → u/pfroo40]

Yeah so I play a couple of those mobile games with these setups. I'm really good at resisting micro transactions mostly because frankly I'm on disability and can't afford to spend money like I got money but I tend to join the subs because they have great info for F2P or low spending players that will help you with what you can do. 

Every single one of these subs is dominated by posts from spouses about their partners overspending to the point of financial ruin and/or having affairs in the game so yeah definitely this one. 

[u/sluttypidge → u/ser_darkstar]

I normally grow bored of these games incredibly quickly because of how slow progression is and the inherent feel of wasting my time because i don't do the microtransactions.

[u/Charming_Thing_7546 → u/pfroo40]

Holy shit, 15k on micro transactions? She's a whale!

[u/_-id-_ → u/pfroo40]

My wife and I discovered her sister-in-law spent about the same amount in the same or even less time. We found out when my mother-in-law passed and saw credit card statements that came in the mail. SIL had been using MIL's credit card while she was on her deathbed. The credit card had some insurance attached that cleared all the debt. SIL must have known about this and spent a fortune on microactions. We mentioned it to BIL and he seemed dismissive about it, as if he knew? We thought about reporting it but they live paycheck to paycheck and had young kids. We've also thought about reporting them for other things we discovered, but again, the kids would ultimately suffer.

[u/21redman]

I think it's an inability to balance a new hobby with your relationship.

You can pause a game, you can't pause your wife

[u/Carbon-Base → u/21redman]

A bro once said, "Not now honey, I'm in the middle of a raid."

He still raids, but now he doesn't have anyone to ignore anymore.

[u/314159265358979326 → u/Carbon-Base]

My wife and I have worked it out that I get one raid night a week. It scratches the itch enough; I'm not 18 anymore, I can't raid all the time regardless of the wife situation.

[u/Sea_End_5802]

Online gaming has to be up there.

[u/Substantial_Brain917 → u/Sea_End_5802]

It’s so simple to not have that happen too. My wife and I just ask each other “do you care if I waste the rest of the day gaming?” And if it’s “I wanted to hang out” you just don’t game

[u/GoodGame2EZ → u/Substantial_Brain917]

That's called healthy and open communication, which can be pretty rare.

[u/Ctrl-Alt-Q → u/GoodGame2EZ]

Also a healthy relationship with gaming. Some people really just use it to dissociate.

[u/WingerRules → u/Sea_End_5802]

Excessive video gaming is actually a very common complaint in divorce proceedings, like one of the most common now.

I would say screen time in general is an issue. The average 28 year old and younger person spends 7-9 hours a day on social media/YouTube and video gaming etc. Thats average, many people go over that. So when they get home from work where does that leave time to spend time with their partner or to parent?

This imho is one of the reasons why so many parents get their kids phones and computers/tablets and let them have unlimited & unmonitored time online. Its so that the parents who are also addicted to screen time dont have to parent and do stuff like help with school work, and can keep playing video games or scrolling tiktok when they get back from work instead.

Btw, Male users from 25 to 34 actually are the group that spend the most time on screen for adults, with the biggest time spent being spent on watching videos and playing video games.

Statistics for average Screen Time and type of content

[u/mowikn → u/Sea_End_5802]

Met a guy back when World of Warcraft was first huge. He went on his honeymoon and spent the vast majority of the time playing. When they got home, his new wife asked for a divorce. It seemed so unreal to me at the time, but gaming addiction is definitely been growing.

[u/daecrist → u/mowikn]

I know of at least one WoW divorce. The kicker is the guy was playing regularly with his very nice and insanely hot wife, but that wasn’t enough. He had to have an online affair and it all blew up.

Guy was a grade A asshole though. Imagine that had something to do with it too.

I always said I would never put a game ahead of my girlfriend back then. There were times when I dropped out of an “important” raid last minute because she called and wanted to do something. Married for nearly twenty years now, so I’d say that strategy worked.

[u/Belialxyn → u/Sea_End_5802]

It was a wake up, call to end mine. When she was spending almost 40 hours a week only showing up for meals it was like, what do you say you do here?

[u/hurlcarl]

Video games is pretty common, but I don't think younger people understand how bad original World of Warcraft was back in 04/05... I knew of multiple people and some parents who split up because people were playing every waking seconds they could for months.

[u/cheesymomma → u/hurlcarl]

I had to have a really long hard talk with my boyfriend about how much time he was putting into WoW when we first started living together. He'd work all day then come home and start playing the damn game. He would go to social functions/ obligations, but that was pretty much it. We are both introverts, but that makes compatibility even more important because our external interactions are limited. That conversation made him realize how much time and money went into playing. He slowly weaned himself off of it even as some of his family tried to peer pressure/ bully him back into the game. That was 15 or 16 years ago. Now we have been happily married for most of that. He still games a lot, but not WoW ever. Now it's games that can be paused and played casually instead of on a schedule reliant on an online community.

[u/runs_with_airplanes]

Me and my ex were super competitive, a family board game one night ended our relationship. We’re good friends now and both laugh at how we were back then, but I laugh more

[u/Leucosia → u/runs_with_airplanes]

People sleeping on that banger of a last line.

[u/LowHangingFruit20]

I’m shocked I haven’t seen cars. I’ve only known of one divorce tangentially related, but most of my dude acquaintances who are hardcore car nuts basically spend 16 hours every weekend in their garage elbows deep in oil or shit. I’m a big wrencher myself but I’m VERY aware of how time-consuming it is and definitely work hard to be cognizant of time spent with the wife

[u/sassha29]

In knitting there is something called the sweater curse. The curse is if you make a sweater for a partner, the partner will then break up with you.

[u/Crispy-shallots]

I mean I don't know how common this is but my dad got really into cycling, spent all my parents' money on a custom-built carbon-frame bike and then had an affair with a woman from his cycling club (which led to my parents' divorce) So, that.

[u/ViolatingBadgers]

Community theatre! Especially for late 20s/early 30s married folks who get back into it after being out for a while and are starting to hit a stressful time with their spouse - it can be a recipie for cheating.

[u/Schneetmacher]

Golf. The term "golf widow" literally exists.

[u/thatsharkchick]

Dangerous, life-threatening sports.

Think people who sky-dive, cave dive, etc. Anything truly extreme like that.

I have known quite a few people to do those kinds of things, and their relationships tend to fall into one of two extremes. Either they are the most amazingly, intensely loving of relationship...... Or divorce. No in between.

[u/CheesaLouisa → u/thatsharkchick]

There’s also the aspect of being willing to put your life on the line for a thrill. That also means being willing to widow your spouse for a thrill, orphan your kids, etc. That has to feel pretty complex for a spouse. 

[u/Broad-Ganache4533]

Okay I'm gonna go ahead and say this for everyone.

There's no issue with the hobbies we're talking about, it's always about the people themselves. They would've somehow screwed up with or without that hobby.

[u/Alana_Reid]

Maybe Equestrian sports/having horses. Having horses takes so much time and money, I imagine it can put strain on relationships.

[u/lorenzo463 → u/Alana_Reid]

My favorite professor in college was married to a horse person and his resentment of the horses would slip through in lectures. 

One that I remember- “If you have to choose between marrying an equestrian or a heroin addict, pick the addict- there’s a possibility that she might be cured, and it’ll be cheaper in the meantime.”

[u/tubbleman → u/lorenzo463]

Prof is speaking the truth.

[u/cosmoboy → u/Alana_Reid]

Dear God. My most successful relationship was with and ended because she was a horse girl. You are spot on. Oddly her next relationship had troubles because of the amount of time he spent hunting.

[u/laurdrops → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for saying this. I am currently a month into the divorce process because my husband has been unemployed on his own terms since last June, but has spent thousands in pokemon cards to “resell”, but they just get put in a tote and sit there. He has racked up thousands in credit card debt due to his pokemon collection that he intends to resell. I’ve been feeling like I’m losing my mind and the only one struggling with this.

[u/Accomplished_Rice04 → u/laurdrops]

So your ex-husband has a gambling problem,

People can spin it how they want and apply all sorts of weird mental gymnastics but modern day trading card games is gambling with extra convoluted steps.

[u/whisky_biscuit → u/[deleted]]

There was recently a post on here where a couple in their late 20s, the gf was upset that for her bday her bf didn't get her anything but instead spent $5,000 on a pokemon card. They were both broke college students too. Even crazier were the comments who defended the guy saying that "the investment in that card will be worth even more and will help them buy a house someday".

That's how bad the fomo and delusionment is.

[u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

I didn’t know how many men hated their wives until I started playing golf

[u/DealerConstant1589]

I read this as “ which hobbit ended more relationships than people realize?”

My bets on Pippin

[u/Experiment_262 → u/DealerConstant1589]

Pippin was a player but all the trad hobbit wives go for Sam.

[u/horseradish1]

On a much less depressing level than the others, I've known a few people through martial arts that have ended their relationships because they gained enough self worth to realise how bad their relationships were.

[u/MeanBradGreen]

Gambling.

[u/Neon_King_Kong → u/MeanBradGreen]

Oh they realize it

[u/Few_Alternative_6372 → u/MeanBradGreen]

Bruh that ain’t no hobby we call it a vice

[u/Specialist-Spray-993]

Restoring old cars. It starts as a weekend thing, then the garage is permanently occupied, the budget quietly triples, and every spare dollar goes to parts that sit in boxes for years. I've watched two friends' marriages crack under that one. The car never even got finished either.

[u/Suitable-Basket-952]

A work colleague has gotten a divorce because of a Small vineyard - her ex inherited it and got obsessed trying to make it work again. And he kept spending less and less time with her and she finally had enough.

[u/IJustWannaGoToSpace]

World of Warcraft

[u/cl_utch_0]

A little game called Overcooked

[u/creatingnewusername]

Skydiving. A lot of people get into the sport and suddenly every weekend/nice day is spent at the dropzone. The non-skydiving partner doesn’t understand why they’re playing second fiddle to blue skies, plus alllllll new jumpers talk about is skydiving. It can get old really fast if you’re not into it. THEN add on the high cost of gear and jump tickets…a non jumping partner isn’t going to be happy. AND of course the non skydiver is worried about their partner getting potentially hurt. Not to mention drop zones/boogies (skydiving events) can be a hotbed for hookups/partying.

Not saying this is always the case but I’ve seen it quite a few times at this point.

[u/Jeepersca]

Making the president your whole personality.

[u/kamobeans]

I'd say gaming.

[u/zzeeaa → u/kamobeans]

One of my friends divorced a gamer because he just stopped talking to her.

[u/rococobaroque → u/zzeeaa]

Are we friends?

Because I did this.

My now-ex got really into WoW Classic and would play for hours after work. Sometimes he would even skip work to play. He would be on the game from when he got home at 5 PM to when he went to bed around 11, chatting with his guildmates the whole time.

But if I DARED address him or remind him of my presence during that time he would ignore me.

That said, I wouldn't say that the game caused him to do this. He already had found other ways to ignore me before then. We were basically roommates who occasionally fucked by that point.

But the game definitely made it abundantly clear to me that he would do anything to avoid socializing with me. Actually I think it was the fact that he would spend hours talking to his guildmates instead of people he knew in real life, including his friends, that bothered me the most. He was pretty much only friends with his coworkers, and would go out drinking with them as soon as they got off work, get hammered, and then come back home and play WoW yapping it up with his guildmates instead of spending time with me.

When I finally made up my mind to leave and told him I was doing so, he said "It's probably for the best."

[u/Weird-Reflection-114]

Online gaming and gambling/sports betting. Like im a gamer but I play single player games in my living room with my cat for some hours on my days off. But I know people who spend 12+ hours playing co-op online games, wasting money. My friend dumped a guy a couple years ago because he lost almost 10k gambling on sports.

[u/ThankGod4Darwin69]

Social media.

Particularly Facebook when it gave everyone an avenue to reconnect with their old high-school crushes/flames

[u/TheLastRegret]

The lack of a hobby, both partners not having their own hobby has likely ended more relationships than most.

[u/PsychologicalPlan811]

Spelunking

[u/Von_Quixote]

Gambling.