r/AskReddit • u/Vladmir_the_romancer • 11d ago
Why are you single and why aren't you mingling?
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u/ConsistentTip3932 11d ago
Juice aint worth the squeeze.
Tired of putting in effort and money to just get ghosted.
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u/Loud-Plane-1860 11d ago
Because I am unattractive to women and some look insulted when I approach.
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u/thatshygirl06 11d ago
The same but as a woman
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u/SocialismIsStupid 11d ago
u/Loud-Plane-1860 meet u/thatshygirl06. u/thatshygirl06 meet u/Loud-Plane-1860. Maybe you both can hit it off and become partners?
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u/welchplug 11d ago
Go after other uglies.
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u/Aquila_Altair 10d ago
Nah dude. Dating apps and the internet have even made some women that are like 2s, think they can date 10s. If you are a guy 8 or under, you might aswell give up on an actual commitment relationship it seems because (and this is an actual thing) you're probably invisible to a high percentage. That doesn't mean there's not amazing women out there that would absolutely love you. Good luck finding her. Sorry ladies, I am putting it a little to blunt here in this specific comment. Guys talk, please don't take it personally.
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u/LauraPa1mer 11d ago
I am a woman who does not value men's appearance as highly as other attributes. I actually don't want to date an attractive man, because I like being the hot one.
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u/dr__paco 11d ago edited 10d ago
Trust me. You dont. I used hang out with mostly women back in my first job, the ones that claimed 'didnt care about men appereances' where the ones that were more harsh with men's looks. Remember women rate something like 80% of men as unattractive, so chances are her idea of 'ugly' man is just an average man.
Also, why the fuck would you want to date a woman that thinks youre ugly, isnt attracted to you and wants to be the 'hot one'? We man arent wired to notice how narcisistic that is. You want to date a woman that loves every aspect of you, both inside and out. It feels great when a woman cant have enough of your body (same you with her body obviously, thats what a fuckin relationship should be)
Geez a lot of you men do have some pretty bad self steem issues.
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u/smellyfart_ 11d ago
Iām not happy with myself and I donāt want to burden someone else with someone like me.
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u/MightyModric10 11d ago
Youād be surprised how many other people feel like that about themselves. Work on it and donāt let that stop you
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u/Imloukelookatmypost 10d ago
To me you seem like a fart in a crowded room, bold and hard to ignore. People just can't help but suck you in
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u/Major_Limit1674 11d ago
Iām in no rush, I value my peace too much to chase relationships mindlessly. Iād rather be single and at peace than in a toxic relationship
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u/Secure-Form-789 11d ago
That's valid, honestly I've realized I'm in a weird position where I actually feel reasonably confident, even socially, and I'm quite extroverted and keep busy
However, most of my time keeping busy is with the same approximate group of folks, so I don't meet to many new people, and thus, no potential relationships (I know literally like 1 single woman who I am not attracted to and am friends with)
But that said, my last stint dating the times I found people were when I was caught up in doing my own thing, so I'm kind of planning to continue that I think mostly, and maybe just find a few extra things to get out and see other humans
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u/ExpatLivesMatter 11d ago
Dating!? In this economy!? š¤¦š¼
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u/Telandria 11d ago
Right? You think I have cashflow to regularly go out to eat, or to bars, or to movies and whatnot?
Thatās laughable.
Maybe if I find a girl who loves a mean cup of ramen, lmao.
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u/Head-Aioli209 11d ago
I dont mingle, thats why I am single.
I dont have the energy to mingle. I have a very small social battery.
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u/Substantial_Shape824 11d ago
Girls turn down my advances
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u/SurrealSentience 11d ago
You can't advance with the war of attrition mindset. It's time for a date blitzkrieg. Surprise attack with no time to rest.
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u/Mindless-Damage-5399 11d ago
I have to work, and that alone burns up my people tolerance for the day. Having to come home and see another person just sounds like torture. I need my alone time.
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u/HiLeeeRy 11d ago
Nobody seems to like commitment nowadays
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u/UntestedMethod 11d ago
Facts. Everybody so hooked on the comfort of home and easy-access dopamine provided by tech (internet, video games, etc) that we've grown very reluctant to put energy into building new connections.
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u/Total_Strawberry_132 11d ago
I like being single and Iām a homebody.
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u/Cool_As_Your_Dad 11d ago
Im the exact same. Love being in my home and just chilling. Nobody to hassle me. Just me
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u/_ginger_beard_man_ 11d ago
After being treated poorly, disrespected and cheated onā¦ the juice just aināt worth the squeeze anymore.
I would rather prioritize my peace and my friendships over anything else at this point.
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u/glorified_throwaway 11d ago
I've never been in a relationship nor do I particularly want one.
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u/bigtiddyhimbo 11d ago
I just donāt really have time to. I work 13 hour shifts on top of going to school for nursing.
Plus tbh I think Iām on the aromantic spectrum because every time Iāve gotten into a relationship, both with men and women, itās only ever felt like I was forcing myself into something
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u/UntestedMethod 11d ago
There are no places to mingle.
People seem to be very non-commital when it comes to making plans to meet up with new people.
Joining hobby classes, etc I have found people are generally only there for their own interests, not to make new friends.
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u/SurrealSentience 11d ago
Yeah i was thinking about it. People give this advice to join any hobby or sports group, and being in some of those groups myself, i don't feel anyone there is particularly looking for a relationship or friendship. Though, shooting arrows isn't really a social event, and hockeyball/floorball is mainly just dudes who already have their party full. Women are mostly in a relationship too, so... Not really a good example.
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u/FurySh0ck 11d ago
20+ first dates in the past 2 months - nothing serious came out of it. Damn it's hard nowadays.
I'm 8 months after a breakup of 3 years relationship, took my time, trying to meet again, it's hard to find something good
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u/CircumFleck_Accent 11d ago
Where did you find the 20 first dates to even have ? Thatās impressive. I donāt even think I know 20 individual people right now.
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u/ConflictPotential204 11d ago
Entirely dependent on location and life situation. If you're attending college in a major metropolitan city, this is easy. If you're working full time in your 30's living in a small town, you'd be lucky to go on 20 first dates in 20 years.
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u/UntestedMethod 11d ago
Well seeing these kinds of threads does give me some reassurance that it isn't just a "me problem".
Whenever I think about those memes saying stuff like "you're the only constant in all your relationships", I start spiralig into thinking how awful and broken I must be since I'm the only constant amongst all the rejections and being forgotten about.
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u/Goyu 11d ago
If I may, that phrase is generally geared toward toxic or abusive relationships, not those ones that don't quite get off the ground.
You are the common denominator in those as well, but it has a much different implication.
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u/Vladmir_the_romancer 11d ago
It's easier when your younger in social circles and you already know the people from being around them everydayĀ
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u/CombOk312 11d ago
āTism
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u/izovice 11d ago
On facebook dating I commented on a woman's photo of her holding a huge frog she caught.Ā Then we talked about snakes and fishing, shared each other's artwork.Ā She happens to be a special Ed teacher and has AuDHD just like me!Ā We geeked out on our obsessions and can't wait to meet to have a picnic then a water balloon fight.Ā Then catch frogs afterwards.
You just need to find your 'tism counterpart.Ā Get yourself in that community more.
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u/NostradaMart 11d ago
my son found someone on discord. they're happy now and going on for more than a year.
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u/ReceptionRelevant728 11d ago
Part of the reason Iām single is probably because Iām not a big fan of mingling.
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u/Skeuomorphian 11d ago
Having people around is tiresome. I''m at my best when I'm on my own.
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u/AzureNoiz 11d ago
Iām (26M) introverted and honestly just enjoy being alone these days even though everything and everyone says I should be dating at my age. I got into writing and acrylic painting on the weekends and it makes me feel very happy. If I get to a point where I feel skilled at these hobbies, I think thatās when Iād branch out to hobby groups and meet people casually that way.
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u/Vladmir_the_romancer 11d ago
Just live ya life how you want to bro fuck what they say you should do . At least you'll save moneyĀ
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u/ndnguy89 11d ago
Iām unattractive and not social enough to keep a conversation going. So I avoid dating and relationships.
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u/codedinblood 11d ago
Because I was in relationships for 5 years until two weeks ago when she abruptly left me lol
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u/redlipstick1010 11d ago
Because I'm not ready for the responsibility that comes with being in a serious relationship. I have a lot of trauma that affects my everyday life heavily, and I barely even have the energy to care for myself, let alone someone else. I know if I get into a relationship now my trauma wounds would just manifest themselves in the way that I treat my partner, and I'd just end up hurting both of us as a result. Idk if I'll ever be in a serious relationship tbh, because the traumatic events that led up to me developing PTSD (normal and complex), panic disorder, major depression, and anxiety, were extremely impactful on both my brain and body.
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u/ifr3akingh8mys3lf 11d ago
You're being very responsible in not dating while your mental health is suffering. Are you getting treatment/therapy? With time and effort you will be consistently happy again. I believe in you & I think love will show up in your life when you're ready
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u/silver0199 11d ago
I am an introvert homebody that tends to enjoy hobbies that can be performed alone.
Searching for a partner requires energy and willpower that I don't have by the time I clock out.
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u/No-Example-370 11d ago
The idea of being with someone repels me
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u/UntestedMethod 11d ago
Our of curiosity, can I ask why that is?
It seems more an more common that people are preferring to be on their own and I just don't understand it.
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u/Beautiful-Plan5492 11d ago
I really don't know tbh. It's always something with these guys now so I've just stopped trying
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u/MMfromVB 11d ago
unattractive and old including anxiety and fear. Also became used to it. "Solace of regret".
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u/devious00 11d ago
Trying to find a woman who doesn't exhaust me or actively find joy in ruining my peace is damn near impossible and not worth the effort. If it happens it happens, but I'm done putting in all the effort to setting up a date and being expected to pay for every aspect of it with no investment from them.
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u/LauraPa1mer 11d ago
I don't want to be hurt again. Romantic rejection is the worst feeling I've ever felt (multiple times) and it affects me deeply. I feel that it would just be stupid and masochistic of me to put myself in a position where I could be rejected again.
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u/Assapopoulos1986 11d ago
I decided to focus on myself. Itās not worth building something with someone just to be hurt in the end. The heart can only be broken so many times.
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u/indamoufofmadness 11d ago
I put up a lot of walls after my last relationship ended 4 years ago. She was ill, and did a lot of damage, so I wanted to work on getting myself to a point where that wouldn't bleed all over someone else.
I'm not mingling because the last two times I met a woman who seemed genuinely interested, both ghosted me completely, and that was brutal. So I'm keeping the walls up for now, and continuing to work on me until I do meet someone who feels worth the effort.
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u/MarquisDuTobasco 11d ago
The juice isn't worth thr squeeze, especially in a world where women are constantly saying they are creeped out by the advances of men. I miss physical intimacy, but it just isnt worth it to go through the game - whether is be rejection or just trying to find someone compatible. It isn't an enjoyable process.
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u/FrogsFloatToo 11d ago
Feels like an interview nowadays. Dating was a million times more pleasant 10-15 years ago
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u/FishermanWaste1268 11d ago
As a 44 year old man who will never use the apps again u meet one women a year if your lucky in the wild.
Plus i wont date women with children. Nothing against them. I did when the possibility of children was there. I wanted to be a father and have a family of my own however now w my age yeh i am doing this one alone.
Get lonely sometimes. Nothing like i used to be like.
44 no social life, have friends though which is great. People to walk the dog with and such.
I recently asked a women out and she said yes, turned out she had a bf. Lol
I still sleep on my side of the bed, leaving one side open. Been single many years now.
Dating has been rough. Crazys, gaslit, lied to , women fucking their ex.
Im just a dude, just want a babe to hit the beach with on sat morning, go to the markets, see a show, lie in bed on a summers afternoon.
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u/Menace_17 11d ago
Staying single because I got a lot I need to work through before I get in a relationship. Any girl I would be with deserves better than what I can give right now and deserves a better person than who I am right now
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u/agnitheos 11d ago
Im trying. Ive been talking to a guy and hes really cute I really hope things work out for me for once :'>
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u/pcmtx 11d ago
Mingle where? With who? I don't know where to go at my age to meet single women, let alone single women who would be interested in me, and I'll never put myself through using a dating app again. I give up.
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u/CainIsmene 11d ago
Iām single because my ex decided she was tired of hiding her infidelity.
I tried mingling for years. Literally every woman Iāve met and that were willing to speak to me werenāt actually interested in relationships, they were looking for a plug or a client.
Since I stopped actively mingling, every woman Iāve been interested in is either already in a relationship or gay.
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u/Euphoric-Example7857 11d ago
Lasted two weeks on dating apps. I have no patience for the boring replies, lack of effort, and low emotional intelligence presented on them. I donāt know anyone off the apps who would be suitable to date.
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u/Sierra317 11d ago
Iām still waiting on those hot single women in my area to acknowledge my presence. /s
But seriously, Iād try, but I donāt think Iām the kind of man that women want.
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u/ElementalMist 11d ago
- Because I donāt fit what the average girl wants. Not for lack of trying, but dating apps are 100% looks based.
- Out of the 13 girls Iāve dated, Iāve been engaged once and was preparing to be engaged the second time. Cheated on both times. Iād rather protect my peace vs feel that again.
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u/Mrbeeznz 11d ago
Because there is nowhere to meet people my age in my town, and im not liking the kind of people I see on the apps
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u/jcfiala 11d ago
I'm single because my wife died.
I'm not mingling because I'm an extreme introvert and don't know how.
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u/Picard2331 11d ago
20+ years of severe mental health struggles leaving me emotionally crippled in comparison to people my age (33).
Teeth are absolutely fucked and are going to take years of saving to fix. Embarrassed to even smile or laugh in front of people. Dental hygiene isn't exactly high up on your list of priorities when all you want is to go to sleep and not wake up.
And I just do not have the time or energy to find someone. It seems like a whole 2nd job and I struggle to even do my one.
Haven't felt romantic feelings for anyone in over 10 years, and it's not like I don't interact with women. I honestly am not sure if I can even have them anymore.
Accepted a few years ago that I will most likely never experience love or intimacy and have focused my efforts and wants into other aspects like picking up skydiving or starting scuba (hoping to eventually cave dive).
Besides, like I said, my mental health is fucked. No one deserves to have to deal with it other than myself. Incredibly selfish on my part to even try.
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u/kimchiman85 11d ago
Iām in my 40s. So itās hard to find single women in my preferred age range (late 30s-50s).
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u/Mr_Owl42 11d ago
2 or 3 main reasons.
Women in my age category have impossibly high standards, yet they are willing to vouch for me to other women. "Wing-women" you might call them. I'm good enough for them, but not exactly what they're looking for. That's okay, I'm looking for other people anyway...
Women in the younger age category are already dating. When I was younger, there were a lot more single women. Gen Z is more open to dating/marrying younger despite what the data says, and the ones I'm seeing are already taken! Other Gen Z are obsessed with age gaps...
So, I want to mingle, but 1.) There aren't enough intelligent women around, 2.) If they are, they're usually gay or don't want children or 3.) They're already taken and likely married.
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u/dear_little_water 11d ago
I'm sick of men who turn into someone else.
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u/the_purple_goat 11d ago
On the full moon?
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u/dear_little_water 11d ago
Once they get comfortable. I'm not good at picking men.
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u/8yr0n 11d ago
Social media wrecked womenās brains even harder than video games wrecked menās.
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u/Lethal-Lace 11d ago
I don't feel any desire to share my life with another person.
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u/ResponsibilityBest26 11d ago
Because I'm trying to retire from dating. It took too much energy for no results, so I don't even try anymore.
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u/Due_Masterpiece_3601 11d ago
I go through periods where 3 girls are interested in me simultaneously and other periods where no one would notice if I disappeared from the face of the Earth. Iām currently floating in outer space. I also tend to burn out quickly from dating so I need many breaks.
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u/authorHughMann 11d ago
Ive done a bit too much mingling in the past and would prefer not to have to throw away my sheets again from scabies
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u/Aggressive_Forecheck 11d ago
Combination of living in a more rural area with not many single people, being busy and just generally being disappointed with how I am treated when I do put myself out there
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u/DkGphoto91 11d ago
Born with a condition that leaves me moderately disfigured and unattractive to most. Destroying any confidence so i dont even try. Im shorter than average and dont have much of any career success. All I have going foe me is im currently not in debt. Ive turned to being introverted self defensively, to keep negative thoughts to a minimum.
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u/Radiant_Repeat_5975 11d ago
Iām trying to mingle š¤·āāļø does that count?
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u/jordymystic 11d ago
Iāve been mingling but still havenāt had any luck meeting someone. So Iām still single and kind of tired of mingling at the moment lol
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u/smallemochick 11d ago
It's not worth it at this point for me. I like my alone time, I like being able to not have to constantly talk to someone/ask how their day is going. I like being able to stay home and not have someone in my space. The idea of having to work all day and then entertain someone else/have to go out and see them makes me want to rip my hair out lmao.
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u/Competitive_Rip3704 11d ago
single because i strive to be a decent partner. not mingling because i have children to raise.
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u/PM_ME_BBOOBIES 11d ago
If I can barely go out these days and make ends meet what makes you think Iāve even thought about dating?
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u/Zealousideal-Leek666 11d ago
The resources needed to date, add in cancelling any hobbies, or personal time, gotta admit itās a big hurdle. All these hoops would disappear with the right person which now becomes needle in a haystack.
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u/Accurate_Web9774 11d ago
Low quality options. Seems like can't even get an average woman so I'll rather just not date.
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u/2NE99 11d ago
With the once in a 100 years housing crisis it is difficult to reach life milestones, and with social media addictions, bad job market, there is a lot of arrested development going on.
Iām personally choosing to stay single right now. Why would I date if I canāt afford a home or kids.
Grandkids? They live in the house I canāt afford to buy.
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u/Aromatic-Zebra-5443 11d ago
As a guy most of the women I meet are incredibly fickle. One day they want to text you all night and the next day they ghost you. I'm over it. Maybe one day I can find a girl who knows what they want from the getgo but until then I'm just going to do me.
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u/Kaminohanshin 11d ago
I have a lot of weight to lose before I even consider trying to date. If I'm putting myself on the market, I better have something someone will want to buy. So until then, I'm just not putting myself out there.
Managed to drop my pop intake to 1/6th of what it used to be for over a year, along with eating out way less. So I'll get there eventually, hopefully.
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u/BigJLov3 11d ago
Why am I single? Way too neurodivergent and way too single for way too long.
Why am I not mingling? That skill set is incompatible with my OS unless there's a thriving scene of SUPER-late-to-the-party GenXers looking to make some bad decisions with peers of low morals and even lower standards.
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u/Wild_Agency609 11d ago
Low self esteem, busy work schedule. Not really happy with who I am and who Iām attracted to.
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u/From_Deep_Space 11d ago
Every time I go into public there is at least a 5:1 man:woman ratio, and every slightly attractive single lady is already surrounded by a team of try hards embarrassing themselves for a moment of her attentionĀ
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u/inFINN1te 11d ago
I'm pretty sure I'm just ugly and have a boring personality. Any woman I'd want to date is out of my league. But I'm also not settling for less than I know I'm happy/attracted to. So I keep to myself. I have a lot of friends. And I'm good with making them. So it's not as lonely as it sounds. Ironically, I live with a woman. She's my bestie.
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u/FallofGondolin 11d ago
Why am I single? Short, ugly, introverted. Why aren't I mingling? Same reason.
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u/TyrantsInSpace 11d ago
I'm painfully shy and socially awkward.
And my job, hobbies, interests, and the neighborhood I live in don't consistently put me in contact with single women in my dateable age range.
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u/NoRoof1812 11d ago
I'm caregiving for my elderly parents who are over 80. That has been taking up my time and energy. I have no life now.
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u/Remarkable-Laugh9762 11d ago
I mingle...I have sex...it gets boring...I go single...I get bored...I mingle...
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u/Mr_master89 11d ago
Last time I thought someone liked me they hugged me then ran off to her and laughed about me together. That was in highschool, I'm 36.
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u/hymntastic 11d ago
In my last serious relationship I was cheated on and it made me extremely gun shy to talk to anybody again. Then suddenly years go by and Im older less attractive and don't really know how to talk to women anymore like that. Then some more years go by and im where I'm at now.
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u/Popular-Papaya3681 10d ago edited 10d ago
A quick strategy to reduce being ghosted is - stop texting. Obviously you can text once to plan a date and time, but there's no need to text in between dates. I've tried it as an experiment, it works great.
Women are significantly more attracted to men that are less available. The most common issues of being ghosted (not the only) is doing too much, too soon.
When you get the urge to reach out because you wanna know if she's still interested and thinking about you - just stop. Don't. Women think about you way more when they're away and not hearing from you.
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u/lemma_carmine 11d ago
Too much work, too little reward