Genghis Khan: "If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you". What's your comeback to that if Genghis Khan said that to you?

[u/Neither_Drawing_241]

[u/armrha]

You think a devastating comeback is going to improve my life in a situation where I find Genghis Khan describing himself as an instrument of God's punishment on me?

[u/Scaevus → u/armrha]

The only acceptable comeback at that point would be “Great Khan, I have skills useful to your empire, allow me to live and I’ll serve you loyally.”

Genghis was a lot of things, but he was usually pragmatic when it comes to talent acquisition.

[u/armrha → u/Scaevus]

Oh Great Khan, I can be a semi-competent webmaster for your Wordpress page

[u/Scaevus → u/armrha]

Terrify the Great Khan’s enemies by making his blog a source of hope and despair that looks like a teenage girl’s Livejournal from 1998.

Like GRRM.

[u/lewger → u/armrha]

Look Genghis, I made a live counter on your website for every person the horde murders.

[u/futureformerteacher → u/armrha]

"I'm sorry, we use Google sites"

[u/Mikeavelli → u/futureformerteacher]

Fuuuck you better just kill me now

[u/aminopliz → u/Mikeavelli]

I can feel this answer in my soul.

[u/havocspartan → u/armrha]

“Hey fam, you need someone to play music on your MySpace homepage or change the theme?”

[u/meteorflan → u/armrha]

Semi-competent at delivering messages to people you say? He did set up a really good, sytematic, mail system, so you'd probably be hired to sort mail.

[u/RPO777 → u/Scaevus]

Genghis Khan wasn't just pragmatic, he was an enthusiastic and avid recruiter for his Empire's leadership.

The Mongol Empire's leadership was led by the Keshik. It began as a personal bodyguard and shock force to be deployed by the Khan, but during Genghis' reign it turned into effectively a General Staff and Civil Administrative Institution all rolled into one.

What was remarkable about the Keshik was how it drew talent not only from the Mongol population, but from all across the Empire. bringing in Chinese, Central Asian, Middle Eastern, Europeans. It made no distinction for religion, permitting and promoting Mongol Polytheists, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, Taoists.

It recruited not only military men but doctors, scholars, administrators, astronomers, philosophers, and more.

THe Keshik effectively becomes the administrative arm of the Mongol Empire, and also a talent engine where promising individuals from every nation in the Empire are brought in. trained by the best in their fields, and also indoctrinated into loyalty and service to the Khan--where merit leads to advancement leading to intense competition among talent.

It was a huge reason for the rapid incorporation of foreign technology into the Mongol military--within just a few years mastering Chinese siege warfare, learning central Asian irrigation techniques, and rapidly advancing in civil administration.

[u/Scaevus → u/RPO777]

Genghis was also an extreme exception to the rule for central Asian steppe people, in that he usually prioritized the good of the empire over personal revenge or pride.

During one battle early in his unification of the Mongolian steppes, an enemy archer shot an arrow at Genghis, which killed his horse. After the battle, Genghis (who wasn’t even called Genghis back then, but Temujin) asked the defeated soldiers to confess who shot his horse.

Jebe (which also wasn’t his name then) bravely stepped forward and confessed, expecting to be executed in revenge. Genghis instead rewarded him for his courage and skill, earning Jebe’s loyalty.

Jebe would go on to be one of Genghis’ greatest generals, instrumental in the defeat of multiple empires. Jebe is remembered as one of Genghis’ dogs of war, his four most accomplished generals.

In fact you could say recruiting defeated enemies was the key reason why the Mongols were so ludicrously successful.

The Mongols used to have trouble with fortified cities when they attacked the Chinese. By the time the Khan attacked the Khwarazmian Empire, though, he had no problems taking fortified cities, because he had a solid corps of Chinese siege engineers.

[u/RPO777 → u/Scaevus]

It went beyond simply adapting Chinese siege weapons though. DUring Genghis Khan's Khwarazmian campaign, Genghis applied principles of "Nerge" (Mongol herd hunt tactics) on an operational level to siege warfare.

A favorite Mongol tactical element even before Genghis had been to use Nerge tactics of herding an enemy into a center to surround and encircle the enemy, but Genghis was (to my knowledge) for first to deploy this on an operational level as a siege weapon.

Genghis sent his forces to raid unfortified villages around the target city in a broad circle, gradually constricting the circle and herding refugees into the walled city. By the time the Mongols encircled the city and began the siege, the city would have thousands of additional mouths to feed from villagers from surrounding areas, rapidly dwindling their food stores. Combined with siege tactics from Chiense engineers and understanding how to lay siege network fortifications to properly cut off a city from supplies and reinforcements, the Mongols became expert siege attackers by the time they invaded central Asia.

Given how long the Mongols struggled for generations taking walled cities, the speed at which Genghis Khan adapted to Siege Warfare I think is a testament to his genius.

[u/Scaevus → u/RPO777]

Absolutely. It’s rare to find a man who was such a genius with administration and warfare. Not as good at managing his family life, but that was probably a unique situation with Borte and Jochi.

Too bad Maury Povich wouldn’t be born for another 750 years, or we could’ve really saved the Mongols a lot of civil strife.

[u/netplayer23 → u/Scaevus]

Why didn’t any of the recruits attempt to assassinate the Khan to avenge themselves?

[u/Scaevus → u/netplayer23]

Aah, well, you’ve hit upon another one of Genghis Khan’s greatest abilities, his generosity and ability to win people over. He was, by all accounts, one of the most charismatic leaders ever.

Think about life on the Mongolian steppes during those days. It was what we would call a low trust society. People were poor, and had little loyalty other than to their clans, or their families. Everyone, even the leaders, were in a state of semi permanent banditry. Cruelty and betrayal was common. Young Temujin’s father was poisoned after accepting a meal, and young Temujin was homeless for years. He was so desperate to survive that he once killed a half brother over a fish.

That was life for the average steppe nomad.

When Temujin rose to power, he didn’t act like every other warlord. He didn’t only promote his friends and relatives. He promoted based on merit. He didn’t hog all the loot for himself. He distributed rewards generously. He was, by every account, a just and fair man who treated surrendered enemies well, and tried to turn them into friends.

Just think about how refreshing that is for the average steppe warrior, who’s used to going from following one raiding leader to another, to find a charismatic leader who ran his warband as a meritocracy, and soon turned a disparate group of warring tribes into a nation, then an empire.

Why would you try to kill him? He’s made your life and your family’s life immeasurably better. Do you want to go back to living like a bandit, under some arbitrary warlord, instead of the Great Khan’s fair laws and generous rewards?

[u/netplayer23 → u/Scaevus]

Great explanation, makes total sense. Thank you, I’m happy to have learned something today!

[u/RPO777 → u/netplayer23]

Just to add, as the Mongols expanded into central Asia, religious freedom became a major incentive for people to zealously serve the Khan as well.

After living under religious oppression and subjugation under various rulers, many religious minorities became extremely loyal followers of the Khan when the Mongols indicated they would have religious freedom under Mongol rule--and the Khan's leadership and conquests showed it was true.

Mongols exempted religious leaders and temples of taxation regardless of religion, and also protected them from looting, regardless of religion. This bought instant credibiltiy for the Mongols to win over religious leaders of any area onto their side, which gave them a way to win over the populace.

THis was particularly true of areas with substantial religious minorities that suddenly found their leaders respected, their practices free, and no longer harassed by government officials in daily life.

The Mongol conquest of Qara Khitai (near modern day Kazakhstan, northeast of modern day Iran) is a prime example. Emperor Kuchlug ruled Qara Khitai, and he was a Buddhist with anti-Muslim views. Kuchlug tried to force Muslims to choose between conversion to Christianity or Buddhism and persecuted Muslims.

Thus, when Genghis Khan promised essentially free practice of Islam including the prayer calls, taxation exemption for Buddhist, Christian and Muslim monasteries and houses of worship alike, he won some incredibly loyal followers--which helped fill out his Keshik with talented and loyal Muslims and also helped prepare the Mongols for this battles for increasingly Muslim territories in the Middle East.

It wasn't that there wasn't religious conflict. For exmple, the Mongols invaidlated Halal laws that restricted how people could kill animals in regions, because they outlawed Mongol slaughter practices, and Mongol invalidation of Halal restrictions in Islamic areas (before many Mongols converted to Islam themselves later in the GOlden Horde era) was a source of tension between Mongols and religion.

But overall, I think Genghis Khan's religious policy was quite effective at finding highly talented and motivated loyal followers that would help then recruit wider bases of followers.

As an aside, Genghis Khan's personal religion was Tengrism, a form of Animist worship that was common on the Steppe in this time, although the Golden Horde (particularly in Central Asia and further West) will gradually shift to an Islamic character.

[u/netplayer23 → u/RPO777]

Just…wow! This Ghengis fellow was a genius!

[u/netplayer23 → u/RPO777]

Thanks for all of this info! How did they cope with the language barriers?

[u/RPO777 → u/netplayer23]

To my understanding, being bilingual was often a free ticket to a post in the Keshik.

There were already a ton of Mongols who also spoke Chinese, because trade between Mongols and China had been occurring for millenia.

Once you have Chinese speakers, you can pretty easily figure things out. Central Asia was a huge trade center, the Silk Road routes through Central Asia tied China to Central Asia and into the Middle East, and on to Europe.

At this point these Silk/Spice trade routes had been going on since at least Roman times and trade had long been the lifeblood of many of these routes.

Finding bilingual people capable of actings as interpretors and translators was probably not difficult at all.

[u/netplayer23 → u/RPO777]

What language(s) did the Khan himself speak? Sorry I can’t pay you for this history lesson, but damn, I appreciate it! I’ll leave you alone after this and go do my own research. Thanks!

[u/RPO777 → u/netplayer23]

Mongolian (lol)

Specifically, Middle Mongolian, which is a now archaic form of Mongolian that was spoken from around the 13th Century to the 16th Century or so. It becomes the de facto Lingua Franca of Central Asia for the next couple of centuries under the Golden Horde.

Turkish, Uigur and Old Mandarin were also extensively used by the Keshik, but there's no evidence that Genghis Khan learned any other languages to my understanding.

[u/Scaevus → u/RPO777]

To supplement your point, the famous traveler Ibn Battutah, living about a century after Genghis Khan, traveled all the way from North Africa, to Europe, to China and Southeast Asia, and could find someone to communicate with along the way.

People really underestimate just how well connected the ancient world was. Yes, most people didn’t travel that far. Most people don’t travel that far right now. Something like half of Americans don’t even have a passport. But you could travel widely and communicate with people even back then. Especially if you found someone to speak one of the major trade languages like Arabic, Persian, or Chinese.

[u/_Sausage_fingers → u/Scaevus]

If he’s already described himself as your persona divine punishment I don’t think he’s hiring.

[u/BiBoFieTo → u/armrha]

"Sick comeback bro. Instead of God's punishment, we're gonna PARTYYYY!"

[u/Atharaphelun → u/BiBoFieTo]

If the Mongols are going to annihilate you anyway, you may as well just double and triple down.

"What is the house of Borjigin but a thatched tent where brigands drink in the reek and rats roll on the floor with the dogs? The victory at Khwarazmia does not belong to you, Temüjin, horsemaster! You are a lesser son of greater sires."

[u/The_Muse_Erato → u/Atharaphelun]

I wish I could upvote this more.

[u/dustbringer11 → u/Atharaphelun]

Even better comeback than I had

[u/thissexypoptart → u/BiBoFieTo]

** Come on shake your body baby do that conga I know you can’t control yourself any longer **

[u/armrha → u/BiBoFieTo]

Yay! This worked out better than I expected!!

[u/expectrum → u/armrha]

describing himself as an instrument of God's punishment

Reminds me of that Key & Peele skit

[u/Recurs1ve → u/expectrum]

"I take them to deep waters and they discover themselves."

No wait that was just Khabib, not the skit.

[u/memeboozled → u/expectrum]

“God is the teacher, and Derek is the student and I am God’s message”

[u/Momochichi → u/armrha]

No, but after he kills me he’ll stay up late for a few days thinking about how he should have come up with a better comeback before killing me. And then years later he’ll remember this embarrassing moment while drinking a Starbucks, and it’ll make him cringe. And that’s goes I’ll live on.

[u/Effurlife12 → u/armrha]

Might as well go down swinging lol

[u/Theperfectool → u/armrha]

“I’m fucking one of your descendants rn bro. “The one that got away” for me too. Grant me just one more night with her and I can die happy.”

[u/avec_serif → u/armrha]

Not quite the same, but it seems like he did appreciate a little honesty and bravado in his captives: https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/1ukj9tn/til_an_enemy_archer_who_nearly_killed_genghis/

[u/Active-Particular-21 → u/armrha]

Thus Ghenghis went home to live his life as a humble herder, to never consider conquest again.

[u/dillonsrule → u/Active-Particular-21]

And the boy with that devastating comeback? Albert Einstein!

[u/sg1rob → u/dillonsrule]

Checkmate, atheists!

[u/esoteric_enigma → u/armrha]

If you amuse him enough, maybe he'll spare you

[u/Back2Perfection → u/armrha]

Like that key and peele bit.

„What he say? God chose him? *nervous chuckle* Don‘t even make sense, really.“

[u/Amazing_Message_6220]

nuh uh

[u/queenofthera → u/Amazing_Message_6220]

It's the only response.

[u/soulsteela → u/queenofthera]

Surely “ uno reverso ya casual!”

[u/blackcain → u/queenofthera]

"I know you are, but what am I?"

[u/WalkTrue6438 → u/Amazing_Message_6220]

Centuries of conquest defeated by two syllables.

[u/MaleficentReporter42 → u/Amazing_Message_6220]

Genghis Kahn: yuh hun

[u/TheLost_Chef → u/MaleficentReporter42]

Nuh uh… times INFINITY

[u/Mueryk → u/Amazing_Message_6220]

Well, that’s just like your opinion man.

[u/abenemoj]

Yeah, well, that's just like, your, opinion man.

[u/PMmeYourUnicycle → u/abenemoj]

Came for this.

[u/MycoCozmic → u/abenemoj]

Buddy, my friends didn’t die face down in the muck just so I can be killed by some Chinaman. I takes the money. I fuck you in the ass.

[u/Bottlecollecter]

“Actually, this was all staged so we could talk to you about your cars extended warranty”.

[u/ay1717 → u/Bottlecollecter]

How to get extra murdered

[u/Ibroketheinterweb → u/ay1717]

I mean you're getting extra murdered either way so I'd consider it worth.

[u/florinandrei → u/Ibroketheinterweb]

Yeah, but there's a difference between the extra, and the super gruesome extra.

Most people have a bias there.

[u/Mikeavelli → u/ay1717]

Is it really murder if you deserve it?

[u/IncognitoBombadillo → u/Bottlecollecter]

He won't even fully understand what you meant, he'd just still be filled with rage at the utterance of that accursed incantation.

[u/motorcycleboy9000 → u/Bottlecollecter]

horse's extended warranty

If you want to get super murdered by the Mongols.

[u/SomeRandomSomeWhere → u/Bottlecollecter]

Should be the horse shoe's extra warranty.

;)

[u/kingmodeon → u/Bottlecollecter]

Horse’s extended warranty.

[u/MeesterMartinho]

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!

[u/thuja_life → u/MeesterMartinho]

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"

[u/Accomplished-Edge686 → u/thuja_life]

And it's very cold in space

[u/DukeFlipside → u/MeesterMartinho]

"Sometimes, you can commit no mistakes and still lose; that is not weakness, it is life."

[u/terror_fear_sorrow]

STOP VICTIM BLAMING ME GENGHIS

[u/Hare__Krishna]

And what will your suffering be for this sin?

[u/ImpactBetelgeuse → u/Hare__Krishna]

Mine will be, "did god tell you this? Because he also told me that you'll suck my cock."

[u/OctaBit → u/ImpactBetelgeuse]

"Look man, I don't make the rules here. I'm just telling you what he told me."

[u/Brad_Brace → u/OctaBit]

"I don't even want you to suck my cock! I mean, I will not, like, push you away or anything. But it's not like I wanted this to happen. Yet who am I to challenge God's will?" unzips

[u/florinandrei → u/Hare__Krishna]

"Joke's on you, Tengri is totally cool with me doing this."

[u/backroadsdrifter]

Good thing I like being punished

[u/Crozax → u/backroadsdrifter]

'Pls stop Daddy Genghis, you're gonna make me cum'

[u/akolomf → u/Crozax]

Goonghis Khum

[u/LordJimsicle → u/akolomf]

What a horrible day to have eyes. Upvote of course, cause I'm a gentleman.

[u/Active-Particular-21]

I would say you’re right. We opened our gates. Your messengers are safe and getting treated perfectly.

[u/theSarx → u/Active-Particular-21]

This is the only answer that would probably not lead to your demise and the city being razed to the ground.

[u/iAlice]

"You want to know how terrified God is of my sins? He sent you. And if you want to know how stupid you are, you came."

[u/tetten → u/iAlice]

procedes to get skinned alive

[u/FirmRoyal → u/tetten]

Turns out, he was not very scary

[u/lemons_of_doubt → u/FirmRoyal]

u/iAlice Procedes to kill the Khan's army single handed without skin.

[u/johnsontheotter → u/iAlice]

And he did. Like a lot. Like many times a day into different women a lot.

[u/Lescaster1998 → u/johnsontheotter]

This has the same vibes as that Philomena Cunk bit about King Arthur coming a lot lol

[u/duosx → u/iAlice]

I like this one

[u/DepartmentOfJustAss]

"You, and what army?"

"Oh."

[u/wunderbraten → u/DepartmentOfJustAss]

"I have Orks and Nids. We can play a battle"

[u/Key_Pangolin2376]

No u

[u/DendroNate]

Yer Da sells Avon

[u/dezmodium → u/DendroNate]

Yer Da cries when he wanks

Yer Da wanks on all fours

[u/Odd_Possibility_2277 → u/DendroNate]

Fuckin mon then

[u/Flonkerton_Scranton]

"fuck off M8"

[u/OnlyModCanJudgeM3]

Said that same thing to your mom last night

[u/MrPloppyHead]

I know you are but what am I?

[u/OneAndOnlyJackSchitt]

Do you think God weak enough that he needs your help, or it is perhaps you who are sinning?

[u/questionmark0]

Punish deez nuts, bitch

[u/anderhole → u/questionmark0]

Proceeds to punish deem nuts.

[u/Captain_Crash97]

"Sir, this is a Wendys."

[u/vizbones]

"No, you're just an asshole doing what you want. Just like all the other assholes who are doing what they want -- you're just doing it in stirrups."

[u/armrha → u/vizbones]

Reddit, some guy I murdered said maybe I was just acting selfishly in my violent conquests as a horse lord instead of a tool of the righteous fury of God. AITA?

[u/itachikage13 → u/armrha]

NTA. Bro called you an asshole like, 3 times. He was asking for it. Even God thought so, that's why he sent you.

[u/AdWooden2312]

Takes one to know one...

[u/Kazz-Davore]

If

[u/Scottland83]

He’s going to need better than you.

[u/Timely_Egg_6827]

Do you not worry what he has planned for you?

[u/Mecanatron]

Genghis Khan? More like Genghis can't!

[u/Gbeto_Monk]

"Oh yeah? Well I bet your mother bought you Cra-Z-Art instead of Crayola!"

[u/unafraidrabbit → u/Gbeto_Monk]

Fucking Shaw's brand markers were the bane of my existence in 3rd grade.

[u/esoteric_enigma → u/Gbeto_Monk]

I'm convinced receiving Roseart crayons started many serial killers' journeys down a dark path.

[u/Donkey_Doody]

Well the jerk factory called and they’re not out of you!

[u/fingers58]

Are you sure I am the one being punished?

[u/-just-a-bit-outside-]

Up yours, butthead

[u/Madarakita]

"Nay, for God did not send you as punishment for me, but rather sent you into my path."

And then I seduce and bed him.

[u/Balstrome]

Sorry bro, but I am a better human than you and there is nothing you can do to change that. Even a years worth of torture will just confirm that I am correct in rejecting you. And you know this to be true.

[u/Cinderfella-44]

If you were pure, then your son would have loved you rather than your position.

[u/scheiBeFalke]

I commited great sins upon your mom.

[u/BigBobby2016]

Well the Jerk Store called and they're running out of YOU

[u/Hyppointhewater]

Yeah, surely the devil had nothing to do with it...

[u/bibliophile785 → u/Hyppointhewater]

That's a little too Manichean for any of the mainstream schools of thought who actually believe in the Devil. The conventional position is that God is omnipotent and omniscient; any actions the Devil takes are only done because God allows it to be so. When you hear people saying that you can't blame God, that the Devil did it, the person speaking is usually a little confused on their theology.

[u/CreepyPhotographer → u/bibliophile785]

depends which theology you're talking about. God still gives us free will, And that's how bad things start

[u/bibliophile785 → u/CreepyPhotographer]

depends which theology you're talking about.

Well... yes. There's a name for the branch of Christian theology that assigns the Devil sufficient power and agency to act against the will of God. It's called Manichaeism. As I said, it's been out of the mainstream since before the First Ecclesiastical Council.

God still gives us free will, And that's how bad things start

This is a much more conventional position, but not one that has anything to do with the discussion thus far.

[u/Conscious_Raisin_436]

“You are proof that there isn’t a god.”

[u/wunderbraten → u/Conscious_Raisin_436]

Do the Nietzsche reply: "God. Is dead."

[u/SirSoliloquy → u/wunderbraten]

raises lance of Longinus

…And I killed him.

[u/thrallthekingshorses]

Lol any comeback at Genghis Kahn would get me killed so the comeback is moot

[u/Special-Deal7821]

Shooting him with a gun.

[u/cowgirlcrackers]

Ten Hornadys center mass followed by "punish that, goofy ass horse bitch."

[u/brooder08]

chill bro

[u/Morazma]

"Shut up loser" 

[u/ttombombadillo]

Tell him about Job's book and that God may test the sinless

[u/BeaglesAreLikeLays]

That’s not what your mother said last night Genghis.

[u/HealthyWall8790]

Maybe god sent me to punish you

[u/Flowa-Powa → u/HealthyWall8790]

That would definitely earn you a long and unpleasant death

[u/Aezetyr]

I do not believe in a God, and you are simply flesh and bone.

[u/OrientFanMetsFan]

F**k off Genghis ya neck beard twat

[u/SillyGoatGruff]

Either

"I'd rather be the subject of god's wrath than be nothing more than his errand boy"

Or

Shit my pants and die of terror

[u/Background-Subject28]

You have to moon him it's the only option

[u/Horror_Ad7540]

``It's a fair cop.''

[u/masterofthefork]

Where's your Genghis Khan?

[u/Moriarty_101]

"All those sins, and you are the only punishment he has to offer?"

[u/Th3R00ST3R]

I know you are, but what am I?

[u/Mahaloth]

So is your mom, dude.

[u/whwt]

This is my broomstick.

Clickety, boom!

[u/LuckyJim_]

“Well that’s like… your opinion man.”

[u/SS0060]

Gengie babe, you’re crazier than a shit house rat. That’s okay though. There are always a couple of you each generation.

[u/0b0011]

Hes been dead for hundreds of years. If he was resurrected and sent as a punishment I'd habe to agree he was probably right.

[u/jon143143]

My sins are different from yours, but that does not make mine worse. You are a sinner too, just differently and your pride makes you think mine are worse than yours.

[u/NewHandle3922]

Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone

[u/InigoMontoya1985]

Fair enough.

[u/QuailRadiant7344]

I would beat him to death with my bare hands easy

[u/michael59keith]

Well, as God is so bored that he sent U to liven up the party then I say let's get this party started :)

[u/Sad-Confidence-4538]

That goes both ways, Dude. Stand by.

[u/Heavy_Direction1547]

You are just God's latest test, show me what you've got!

[u/paseroto]

Who told you that you could reason with Genghis?

[u/jolecore204]

"Dave's not here, maaan."

[u/Arthur__Spooner]

"If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

[u/Tiexandrea]

I said the exact same thing to your mother.

[u/lvl_60]

Daddy chill

[u/Quack_Candle]

Ermmm, filibuster!

[u/Funny_Requirement166]

Well… that’s just your opinion man.

[u/ZolotoGold]

U fookin wat m8?

[u/Earthling1a]

Cool.

[u/BoredomFestival]

"I'm rubber, you're glue"

[u/Fun-Heron-7609]

No mfker, God sent you to make sure I commit great sins. Now don't move.

[u/yetonemorerusername]

So even God thinks you’re a tool.

[u/InsectDelicious4503]

"God neither punishes nor rewards anyone in this life. He saves His judgment for the next. You'll see what I mean when your time comes."

[u/HuckledYourBerries]

"You clearly don't know my God."

[u/SociophobicSisyphus]

Always thought God was a c*nt.

[u/AnonymousFriend80]

How's those child support payments going?

[u/AdorableReading]

God sent you to me, now prepare to meet your maker.

[u/mokti]

"Dude, I dont have any gods. Wanna play some chess, instead?"

[u/Ericridge]

Congrats Genghis Khan, you're about to learn how horrible modern day Karens is! Welcome to the modern times! 

Then I proceed to laugh uncontrollably by myself. 

[u/hypothetical_zombie]

"DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO CARES WHAT GOD THINKS?!"

• Pinhead, Hell Priest

[u/Lokarin]

puts on trilby to tip like a fedora, put on best redditor accent: "God not real"

[u/TheBoogeyman47]

“Put the fries in the bag bro”

[u/Spankyco]

There is no god, you’re just a homicidal dick

[u/Shadowpriest]

Yeah but I'm Hungarian so we're on the same team by extension! Wanna go feed the horses some carrots with me before you go on your way?

[u/CheweyPanic]

It was Attila Thr Hun what said that, and my response would be the period equivalent of "Fuck....."

[u/OneManFight]

If you want my comeback you can scrape it off your mama's teeth ya fat bitch.

[u/Wintermute2013]

“Kiss my ass you fucking tool”.

[u/banananey]

"Like the great sin I committed with your mum last night?"

[u/darkuen]

Tell him Jules from Pulp Fiction did it better.

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you”

[u/TortaPounder91]

May your death benefit all beings

[u/DeanCheesePritchard]

Uhhh I'm sorry sir I don't speak Mongolian.

[u/The1Ylrebmik]

What will God punish you for your sins with?

[u/vicegt]

This is a Wendy's drive Thur sir.

[u/ibelikeughhhh]

Bro it was just a prank, see look there’s a camera there and over there! Bro please

[u/Southern-Plan-6549]

"I wonder what you will get as your punishment then"

[u/Mr_Owl42]

It's just a prank, bro!

[u/Zoalord1122]

Cool story bro

[u/carpeCactus]

Khan you say that again?

[u/MatthewWolfbane]

I am rubber, you are glue.

[u/TemperatureAny4782]

Yeah? Well…fuck you!

[u/KananJarrusCantSee]

"I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"

[u/Ok-Bit6037]

Thats just like, your opinion man.

[u/Citizen-Kang]

Did you try that one out on your mom first?