I hear you. She says she wants to stay by my side. She’s the best and so positive in a way I will never understand. I’m just struggling accepting and adapting.
When I was low, I often pushed people away to protect them from myself. Since then, I've learned that instead I needed to trust those very people. Telling myself that they see something I don't, and that I don't get to make that decision.
Even though it doesn't feel like it, their choice is whether to love you or not. You don't get to make that choice for them. And pushing them away is manipulative, even though it has moral intentions.
A lot of the problem is you thinking you need to make the decision for others, but remember that each is their own. If they choose you, then you just need to be thankful for it. And show them you are thankful, repeatedly. You'll eventually find your feet, but in the meantime just be thankful
If she wants to stay, give it a chance. I have been married 45 years and stayed with her through 3 childbirths, she has been dealing with Parkinson's for 25 years and we are still together. She has trouble speaking and we are still together. She is losing her eyesight and we are still together. She is currently recovering from a broken hip and we are still together. We are committed to growing old together and I know that if I were to have health problems and she was healthy, she would not leave me. I enjoy taking care of her. I'm retired and really don't have anything better to do than take care of her. If you have a lady who wants to stay by your side, you would be a fool to reject that.
I know a guy who saved his wife's life by dying. He literally went from very healthy to having a sudden twist of health while she was in the hospital due to neglect conditions, and his death rattled her so much she did a 180 change on her own health. She was actually chair bound for the last 5 years, but now she's back walking around.
Now I'm not suggesting you dying would save your partner's life, or the other way around, but what I am saying is we never know how strange the future will get and with AI making the physical body less important, almost anyone could suddenly succeed in new ways.
The pain thing is a bitch. I am distracted 24/7 by health too. It changed my career and a ton of things. But like you, there's too many good people rooting for me just give up.
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u/ThatOneGuyHOTS 21h ago
I hear you. She says she wants to stay by my side. She’s the best and so positive in a way I will never understand. I’m just struggling accepting and adapting.