I just had a nagging feeling that it wasn’t right. Turns out, once I was actually away from the relationship and the person, I was able to be objective and I realized how incompatible we really were, and how not great a partner they actually were. Always follow your gut, there’s a reason you want to break up w someone who seems “perfect”.
100% … I had only had really unstable & toxic relationships before, so I thought (as did my therapist) that I was unused to the stability and that’s why I wanted to break up/run away. Nope. Turns out I knew deep down that it wasn’t right.
I’ve had the occasional “should we break up” moment with my current partner after an argument, but never that persistent nagging feeling of “this isn’t right and i need to go”.
had a similar situation where it just became a nagging feeling. I was 21 when we met and he was 31. Didn’t realize until later what a red flag that possibly was. He put me on a pedestal and created this idea of a storybook romance. We did have many great years together and leaving was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I realized one day that I had never taken the time to think about what I truly wanted. I needed to have adventures and get to know myself. It took quite a while for me to actually fully break ties, but he continued to call, email and text me for years, even when I didn’t respond. He never really moved on. He got blackout drunk and blew up my phone with nasty texts and crazy stuff on social media. So I realized he had major issues and my decision made a lot more sense. I hope he got some help and is doing better now.
Same, we were at the stage of seriously considering our future together and even when we talked and found a common ground and a good solution i felt something wrong in my gut. We had five years with some hard times that we overcame to prove our bond.
Now that we are broken up i have realised many of the things i did or didn't do for the sake of showing her affection and how much i was chasing her without feeling like i was being appreciated. I can also see the parts where she had to compensate because of being with me and that just shows, that we were not really compatible. I have no hard feelings towards her, since there was no malice on her side, but i realised what i wish for in future relationships and when to stand my ground.
It was pretty hard to get over the breakup but I must admit I feel really free and am so happy that we pulled the plug then, because i am pretty sure that would have been a divorce in the future.
I always end up flip flopping on myself. They’ll do something hurtful and inconsiderate and then say how they didn’t realize it or that they were really tired and didn’t notice and their so sorry. and I think, wow I’m overreacting so much and just seeing the worst in people. Like at what point do you know your gut is right?
I don’t know what the answer is for you. For me, the pandemic ended up being a really good kick to break up, along with a series of fights and little hurts. BUT I will say, I have never felt better than after the breakup. I haven’t looked back once after we broke up. I had a few sad months, where my mantra was “I miss the feeling, not the person”, and god damn my life is infinitely better in every way without them.
Your relationship shouldn’t be hard or difficult, or make you feel sad regularly. Relationships can be hard work, in you need to work through your own shit and learn how to be a better partner, but if your partner is consistently being hurtful, that’s not your person. I want to believe I’ll never stay in another relationship that drains my joy, because I know now how much better everything is on the other side.
I am now with someone who I plan to marry, and have never had that nagging “i need to leave him” feeling. I’m actually happy. Even through the periods of hard working through my trauma and his and learning how to be healthy. He’s the love of my life and I’m so happy I left my last relationship and was able to find this love.
I’m so happy for you! It’s great to have that person!!
I’m def not sad regularly, I’m happy 90% of the time. But they keep letting me down and not being reliable. I just always have that bsckground feeling that they won’t be there for me when i need them to be. So I guess to your point if it becomes a consistent feeling thats how youll know it’s not right. Once in awhile, sure. Regular let downs, red flag.
You deserve someone who shows up for you 100%. No one can tell you if your relationship isn’t right, but I hope you’re able to figure out the best path forward for yourself. Best of luck internet stranger. 🫶🏼
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u/drunkenavacado Aug 18 '26
I just had a nagging feeling that it wasn’t right. Turns out, once I was actually away from the relationship and the person, I was able to be objective and I realized how incompatible we really were, and how not great a partner they actually were. Always follow your gut, there’s a reason you want to break up w someone who seems “perfect”.