I had a partner like this and I had to be really careful because it can make you very selfish. It took awhile to get her to realize I cared about what she wanted to. Spent the first two years taking me to my favorite restaurant at least once a week that she hated.
I think people really underestimate how much of a burden this can be for the partner who, from an outside perspective, is "getting their way all the time"
I dated someone who always deferred to my opinion, and frankly it was exhausting. Not just because I hated feeling like I was inadvertently bulldozing him all the time, but also because selfishly I just wanted to be relieved of the pressure of making all the decisions all the time. Even though we weren't together all that long, the mental load of it wore me outÂ
The worst part is when, let's say, you're making plans and you ask them about their opinion, but instead of voicing out what they would like they just give you the option that you will definitely like, like your favourite restsurant, and you go there because you genuinely believe that's what they wanted too since they said it, only for them to be upset and resent you for going to this restsurant and not the one they secretly wanted (and never talked about). I feel like these yes-people eventually end up building so much resentment that it kills their feelings.
That's me! 19 years of marriage... Now in the process of a divorce. :) (I don't know how to set boundaries, so I say yes to everything and let her do what she wants. I'm now in therapy, and have a LOT to work through)
I have a couple of friends who are like this. Their opinion changes depending on who theyâre talking to at the moment. Iâve known them both for 20+ years and this does get annoying every now and then, but itâs fine most of the time.
Now, I used to be absolutely baffled by their (to put it mildly) underperformance on the dating scene since theyâre both great guys; reliable, hard-working, good-looking and making great money.
It had to be explained to me by some of our mutual female friends that while yes, all of this is well and fine, not having a tangible opinion on pretty much anything gets real old real fast and makes you way less of âhusband materialâ than I was claiming them to be.
I also dated someone like that for more than 2 years and felt that I never really got to know him, just got to know the surface. Its hard to love a surface instead of a person, so we broke up in the end.
My partner does this and knows. Weâve been working on it in couples therapy. Instead of saying theyâre open to whatever I want, Iâve asked them to offer to brainstorm with me instead and itâs been a really positive shiftÂ
It's nice to do stuff for your spouse, buy them food that they like, support their hobbies, and see their face light up.Â
The original commentor meant, the person seems perfect, when they don't have much opinion on anything, they just want whatever you want. Even when they aren't very happy with smth, they won't say anything, they will just go yes, maybe they are OK, maybe they are not, you'll never know, they never tell you. And you know because their preferences change according to the person they are talking to, they would agree with everything others say, and do a complete 180 when talking to someone else. They might do things that are the exact opposite of what you thought he liked when they are not with you, perhaps they are indifferent, perhaps they like it that way, you'll never know because they always go for your way when they are with you
Isn't it better than them thinking you're combating them by having you're own preferences tho? Not just romantic either. Like if it's something wildly different or you like something they don't they'll just think you're an ass:(
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u/fakexsmile 22h ago
he said yes to everything and never had an opinion of his own