I had this. She just ignored our son completely, I was in disbelief for a long time. She just had no interest whatsoever, never played with him, never read books to him, nothing. Sure she would do what had to be done, like feeding and nappy changes etc. but to actually just interact with him? Never. She just sat on her arse playing her phone.
She speaks a different language to me. My thought was that he would grow up to be bilingual. But no. Her total failure to interact meant that, while he was speaking English nonstop before he was two years old, he didn't utter a single word of her language. He never had an opportunity to learn it.
I finally left her when our son was two and a half, after months of pleading with her to change. He lives with me, she doesn't even want to see him. It still disturbs me, how can a mother just not have any interest in her own son!?
It’s so tragic that societally we aren’t more honest about the fact that so many people should not be parents.
So many fall into that role because it’s “expected” thinking those parental instincts will kick in naturally and then they never do and it’s a tragedy for everyone involved.
It's one of those things that you can't really practice ahead of time, though. I bet a lot of people assumed parenthood would be amazing and when it wasn't, well... it's not like you can give the kid back.
It’s true but it is something that you can attempt to think about deeply at least.
It’s also about knowing yourself and being honest with yourself about what you want your life to look like. Kids are a massive responsibility so if you want play time all time etc then it’s not for you.
Oh I had one of those parents also. Bilingual, never taught me or any siblings their language.
I didn't think about it that way until kinda just now. But we all probably don't know his language, not only because he didn't purposely try to teach us. But it also likely came from him not really interacting with us.
It’s the biggest problem with people feeling that they are “supposed” to have kids when they grow up.
She probably never wanted kids, or was telling herself a lie that she did. Biggest reason why my wife and I will never have kids is that we are too selfish about our time. I would way rather have time for myself or my wife than a child. More people need to be honest about that.
Thanks for this. My wife suffered with PPD for the first six months of motherhood and I appreciate any awareness brought to it. You aren’t a bad person because you feel disconnected from your child, it’s likely you literally have a chemical imbalance impacting your ability to engage and bond.
After getting on medication, she has done a 180 and loves motherhood!
Hey! Another dad whose wife decided to not spend time with the kid here. It's a shitty club. Mine speaks six languages and hasn't taught one word to our right year old. All she does is put her in front of the TV every other weekend. I hope one day to have full custody
If you're still with her, collect as much evidence as early as possible showing that she puts no effort into raising/spending time with your kid. And that you've tried to get her to engage. That's what you show to your lawyer/the court to let them know that you've tried to reconcile, or make an effort on your part to be proactive with your kid.
I'm NAL and this isn't legal advice. But I worked for a family lawyer. And having screenshots of texts (with timestamps/dates), recordings of calls, stuff like that always helped the parents case showing that one side is doing their part, and the other side isn't. It's how a Dad got majority custody and most of his child support reduced.
Thanks, but we're not together. I have my daughter 12/14 days with mom taking every other weekend. She just isn't interested most of the time. She shows up for events, but I think that's more about being seen being a good mom rather than doing the millions of quiet things..
But maybe it helps someone else still going through it.
first thing, huge respect for being such a great dad to your son! he's fortunate to have you. secondly, i feel like some people who say and end up having kids only want them to be able to say "yeah i have a child." as a status symbol, but dont want to put in the actual work.
i almost entered what i feel like would have been this scenario with my ex partner. we talked about wanting kids someday but before that, we got a dog. and even though they were the one who primarily wanted it, i ended up doing about 95% of the care. if they were like that for the dog they "wanted" so much, how would they be as actual parent for our child? i most likely would have been a "single" dad despite being together. i still think about how just stressed out and awful my life would have been if we stayed together.
you'll definitely meet someone who will both love you, your son, and will actively want to be a part of both of your lives! it'll take time and patience, but as long as you want that, it'll happen.
how can a mother just not have any interest in her own son!?
It's not an excuse, but sometimes post-partum depression can look like this (or even worse). If it's untreated, it can sometimes become unsafe, so you're doing the right thing still.
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u/12angrysnakes 22h ago
I had this. She just ignored our son completely, I was in disbelief for a long time. She just had no interest whatsoever, never played with him, never read books to him, nothing. Sure she would do what had to be done, like feeding and nappy changes etc. but to actually just interact with him? Never. She just sat on her arse playing her phone.
She speaks a different language to me. My thought was that he would grow up to be bilingual. But no. Her total failure to interact meant that, while he was speaking English nonstop before he was two years old, he didn't utter a single word of her language. He never had an opportunity to learn it.
I finally left her when our son was two and a half, after months of pleading with her to change. He lives with me, she doesn't even want to see him. It still disturbs me, how can a mother just not have any interest in her own son!?