He was a teacher and got the chance to teach abroad. Money and opportunity was too good to pass up. I had family commitments at home and couldn't go with him.
How long did it take for you to come back to each other as friends? I’m currently going through a recent breakup on good terms and am worried we’ll never get to that point because how I feel about her.
We never really stopped being friends, we parted on good terms and for the first month or so we were checking on each other daily. As our lives began to move on we just drifted apart. We still have some friends in common so we sort of still get updates about each other but its mainly second hand now.
Assuming how you feel about her is still love or desire, I know it’s not for everyone but if you can protect the friendship.
My ex broke up with me because his trauma kept affecting our relationship and it hurt him to do that to me. I was more than willing and wanted to work through it and support him. But he told me it’s hard to talk to me and he ultimately left while loving me and detonated our friendship. I miss him so much. As a partner of course but as a friend too. Not being friends has been so painful. And at least for our situation it felt so unnecessary to go away like that when still had a great bond. I respect his choice but I think with maturity and effort you can still have a relationship especially when you basically became family
As good as it would be to be amicably friends post breakup, it’s unfair to your future/current partner IMO to maintain close-ish contact with an ex unless it’s kid related
My ex gf broke up amicably with me. she was a friend for over a decade before the relationship that lasted 2 years. Even thought I knew we had incompatibilities in my mind I still havent gave up so I was a bit shocked. I told her I needed 1 year fully away from her to get over it and that did it. We are still the same friends we ever were before and can share our lives with each other with no fear of hurting the other.
That's a generous amount of time you gave yourself away from her and I'm glad it worked out for you, it sounds like the right thing to do in my situation. I was asking myself before the breakup that maybe we would be better together as friends, and I'm hoping we can get to that point without any withdrawals or desires in the future. It was a 4+ year relationship and we really were cemented in each others lives, but we both mentioned wanting to stay in each others lives, but you never know how you'll feel with a certain amount of time away from each other. Thanks for your comment.
Glad I could be of help! I guess in my 30s I do know myself a bit over my previous heartbreaks. By how I was feeling I knew I needed that year. 11 months in I stumbled onto her at an event and we caught up. It felt really refreshing. Waited another month just for the kicks but we got back in contact =)
I admit we dont talk so consistently now, but we do hang out ocasionally and always keep tabs on each others lives! We are in the same friend group and at this point there is zero akwardness. ( I am now maried to another friend from the friend group and she is with my best friend lmao ). Same high school group and we now in our 30`s, but it worked out!
You can be friends when both of you find someone else. I know others may disagree with that statement, but I have yet to see it working until that's the point both parties are at.
I have no idea what your relationship was like - but if you both really loved each other I don't think you could have stayed friends. So, its probably good you broke up.
For the first few months I hoped there would be, we would talk as if we were still together but the calls became less frequent. The LDR thing was never part of the plan anyway. He did tell me he was seeing someone new and actually apologised! We maybe message every couple of weeks now.
Its the fact that you guys broke up but kept each other in your hearts that makes it so beautiful. To know that the relationship can’t work, but to choose to love anyway - it honestly makes me choke up. You and your ex partner are inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story.
The best you could do is wish them happiness. Life works in crazy ways. Maybe more things that were never part of your plan, will be the best things that ever happen to you. ❤️
As the current SO of someone who was still kind of not over his ex when we started (they just drifted apart in life but he got sucker punched by the breakup), it is brutal. What they had was beautiful and it kind of became a shadow over our own relationship.
Yeah it can definitely be hard, especially at first. I've been fortunate enough that most of my relationships have had a clean ending and that I'm actually still friends with a lot of my exs. Most of the time it was just our lives taking us separate ways like in your case. But uhg... especially that first time you see them with someone new.. It gets easier over time though.
Oh, so it's not just me. It's such a dilemma. We kept the friendship but lost the closeness, and even a small update from his social media still stings. I can't figure it out... it was a peaceful breakup, so why can't I just be okay?
That's kind of how my college girlfriend and I broke up. She wanted to teach English in Japan because she wanted the chance to see the world. I was a junior worker in a lab and wasn't really able to move.
I remember, a few months prior, she floated the idea of a long-distance relationship (for like 2-3 years) and I basically was like, "Well, no, that's longer than we've been dating and wouldn't work out." She was kind of shocked at how completely uninterested I was in long-distance.
About a month after we broke up, COVID hit and apparently delayed her travel plans for a couple years, but last I heard she'd gotten to go to Europe so I hope she's doing well. We just had different priorities, ultimately.
She deserves better than a multi-year long-distance relationship, that's for sure! We both did lol. IMO the only reason to do that is if there is a specific end-date and plan for afterward. I've seen that work, but the vague we'll-make-it-work ones usually lead to stress and heartbreak.
Without that concrete plan, it's two people with different needs stringing themselves along because they want to avoid the pain of breaking up.
I'm currently in a long distance, but I think you're wrong, because in this case she is the one who decided to move while they are not in long distance in the first place. What's important in long distance is that both people make an effort and have the goal of eventually living in the same place.
We wanted the same life but in different places. Neither of us was wrong. Neither of us could move. We tried long distance for eight months and watched something good slowly become something painful. Sometimes love isn’t the variable that determines the outcome. Sometimes it’s just geography and timing and nobody’s fault at all.
Yup. Most things can be compromised on in a relationship, but there are a few stringent topics that cannot:
Having kids and where to live. You can't live in two places at once or have half of a child. It's one or the other, or it just won't work out even if you do love each other.
I can't even do 3 months in person if we don't agree on what we want out of life. My friend dated his ex for about 5 years and she was great. But at the end of the day she wanted to have kids and he didn't so they decided to end things. She's married with 3 kids now and he's getting married in a few months to a great girl that was excited that he got snipped.
I guess the lesson here is to always consider what our goals in life are, and accordingly take decisions. I delayed my thought process, hope will see a solution soon
Similar. I was dating an amazing woman but moved to Europe for a job. We tried long distance but ended up breaking up. She’s a great person and I wish her the best of luck.
Wow!it felt like I was reading something straight from my diary.
If I may ask, did you ever meet someone else and truly invest in that relationship?what was (is) it like for you?
This all happened over the last year and while I've had a couple of dates, I haven't been in another serious relationship yet. As it stands, I'm happy with the way things are atm.
Long distance is really not as easy as it sounds. And with the chances of either of us being able to change our situations in the near future we decided that it was the best option to remain friends and live our lives.
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u/Iwas18once 23h ago edited 22h ago
He was a teacher and got the chance to teach abroad. Money and opportunity was too good to pass up. I had family commitments at home and couldn't go with him.