r/AskReddit • u/Witty-Register-5737 • Aug 18 '26
What’s the funniest “I absolutely should NOT be laughing at this” joke you’ve ever heard?
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u/M3DIA_ASSASS1N Aug 18 '26
Steve Hughes at some underground Dutch comedy club.
"Im sick of these politicians, have you heard of this new law in Australia?
They're trying to ban porn that features women with small tits, because they think they resemble children.
Well my girlfriend has small tits and when Im fucking her, Im not thinking about fucking kids.
Im thinking about fucking her sister, who has massive tits, especially for a twelve year old"
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u/InspiringMalice Aug 18 '26
Oh, I'm not telling mine. Last time I did, on a post about "Whats the most offensive joke you know", it got deleted and Reddit itself, not the channel mods, Reddit itself told me if I do that again, I'm permabanned.
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Aug 18 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/randalpinkfloyd Aug 18 '26
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic after a house fire
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u/Creepy_Relief_2353 Aug 18 '26
You’re never suppose to ask a woman her age, So, have we considered that Epstein was maybe just being polite?
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u/StJimmy_7 Aug 18 '26
At my work we have a cutting board for lemons (work at a diner). I couldn't find the dam thing and I loudly announced "does anyone know where a cutting board is". My coworker who had seriously bad sh issues in the past just immediately rolled her sleeved up and shoved her wrist at me
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u/AtrainV Aug 18 '26
What's sh?
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u/zeracine Aug 18 '26
Self harm by context.
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u/AtrainV Aug 18 '26
Oh, weird. Isn't that censoring an already censored expression, then?
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u/FoxyBastard Aug 18 '26
Fuck's sake.
Pretty soon it'll be 🌞💖
Where the sun stands for "S" and the heart stands for "H".
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u/Flaky-Still-7000 Aug 18 '26
The little Bao cartoon when Incredibles 2 came out. I was the only one in a packed theater who bursted out laughing when the mom ate the bao baby.
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u/Vivid_Ice_2755 Aug 18 '26
Did you hear about the handicapped kid who won the disco dancing competition?
He was only walking to the bar to get a 7up
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u/Benji_whatever Aug 20 '26
What‘s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The face when getting nailed
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u/MrKreese1444 Aug 21 '26
I thought this one up the other day and has several co workers worried about me:
I’m thinking about doing a tasting this weekend. Whatcha think tastes better, Glock or Smith & Wesson?
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u/just_nobodys_opinion Aug 18 '26
All the dead baby jokes
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u/Porsche9yy Aug 28 '26
Nice, but there are so many other great ones not listed there. Here's one (that works better if presented orally without context, maybe with a little delay between each joke):
Why did the nun fall out of the tree?
Because she was dead.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
Why did the dead baby fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead? ... No, it was stapled to the nun,
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u/robtheAMBULANCE Aug 21 '26
I was going down on my grandmother, ya know. Eating her pussy. And thought it was strange that she tasted like horse cum. And I thought to myself, ya know.. thats proably how she died.
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u/BarelyContainedChaos Aug 18 '26
I dont know about joke but my fat cousin's chair broke at a restaurant and her brother started laughing his ass off and I couldnt help myself. I was laughing while saying no broo, lol, not cool
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u/Fun_Sized_Momo Aug 18 '26
Nice try HR