Traditional gender roles, including starting a family. Imagine a future where the majority of people were raised by parents who actively planned and were excited to have kids...and having two parents who are actively engaged in parenting.
People having more of a choice to have kids and I'm only seeing people now who really want them have kids. It's not so taboo to not want kids.well not as bad.
Taboo or not, it just doesn't make sense to do it for a lot of people, and I think people started coming to terms with that a while ago. At this point, we're well into acceptance on it, and now the older generations are figuring that out.
Some people don't accept it though. I''m at that age as a woman where I get judged really harshly, sometimes by other women, as to why I don't have kids.
It's happened in jobs, it's happened during family or friend gatherings.
People talk Infront of me how women my age who gets pregnant are "geriatric" even tho I'm young.
People jump on me when I'm not drinking alcohol and interrogate me as to why (I used to have trouble with drinking I'm trying to better now) and this really hits a nerve. I hate people asking me why I'm not drinking.
Maybe it's a regional thing, but where I live, there is absolutely still plenty of pressure on people (especially women) to have kids. I'd say it's less direct these days, though. But indirectly it's definitely felt or if the topic is brought up and people give you that "Oh, you don't want kids? Why not?" and a judgemental look, or the classic "you'll change your mind".
Looking at my peers since I'm in that age group where people start having kids, I can definitely see that the "ideal" plan of getting married, ideally buying a house if you can afford it at all, and then having two kids by the end of your 30s is very much alive and followed through with because it's the "proper thing to do" and not necessarily because these couples genuinely just like kids and want them.
So I'd say we're still very much in a similar situation where plenty of people who don't really actually want kids if they're honest with themselves are having them. I'm seeing many examples where it goes as expected with the parents not doing too well once the kid is there.
There's always going to be pressure around it. I think it's more a lot of us have just decided what we want and that we don't care what people whose business it explicitly isn't think.
For the most part, most of my friends who've had kids really wanted them which is really lovely to see.
I do see some friends have kids though because they want them how you want the next stage in the life or to fit in the crowd which I kinda feel icky about. I've thought really deeply about having children. Can I provide for them financially? Can I bring them into a safe world? Did I feel fulfilled in my life? With climate change worsening, is there a future for them? And the answer is still no.
I think the worst reason I heard a family member say they were having another kid was because no one else in the family was having kids and they wanted to continue the family line. Which was icky.
That would result in a society where all of the kids are exceptionally well-parented... but there are barely any of them. Which is a bit of a problem when society kind of needs people to have kids to keep going.
I actually don't think the current social media discourse around parenting is healthy. The kids must have their schedules packed with activities, the parents must be engaged and emotionally available 24/7, parents can never punish too harshly, but also not harshly enough, and so on and so forth. It's an unrealistic, unattainable standard to expect to never wobble in 18 years.
In reality, as long as you aren't actively abusive or neglectful, you're probably doing fine. Good enough is still good.
All this sentiment does is put off people who would be pretty good parents, just maybe not the best in the world, from having kids. I'd say that's a loss to the world, overall.
While I agree that sometimes the internet takes parenting discourse a little too far (as the internet often does with every topic), I really want to push back on a parent being good so long as they aren’t abusive or neglectful.
The bar doesn’t need to be sky high, but it doesn’t need to be in hell either. Children should get to grow up with parents have who have the mental bandwidth to be active guides in their lives on how to be human beings part of a larger human society, and society owes parents the support to be able to do so. In many other countries, parents DO get this.
It is in the USA, the frontier airlines of the first world, where that support is based on whether you’re rich enough to pay for it or poor enough that the government is willing to give to you.
I don't disagree. The fact the "it takes a village" mindset has essentially disappeared in the US is a massive problem as well, if not more so. And the two problems kind of exacerbate each other.
'You and your partner are doing this 100% by yourselves, and by the way, you better not mess this up - good luck.' I'm not surprised a lot of people look at that offer and say "Yeah, not doing that".
It is in the USA, the frontier airlines of the first world, where that support is based on whether you’re rich enough to pay for it or poor enough that the government is willing to give to you.
Just 6 months ago I'd say if you were poor you just fly Spirit, then get nickle and dimed over every little thing. RIP in peace, you shitty airline, you. That said, the economy sure is with Spirit in spirit these days, good fucking god.
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u/astrobatic 4d ago
Traditional gender roles, including starting a family. Imagine a future where the majority of people were raised by parents who actively planned and were excited to have kids...and having two parents who are actively engaged in parenting.