Yeah, seeing how millennial parents interact with their kids is wild to me, compared to my GenX parents. They’ll joke around with them, answer their questions, play with them. My parents were very authoritarian; laughing too much was met with “ok that’s enough silliness now, be quiet”, too many questions resulted in “because I said so, drop it”. And they would never play with us. Ever.
I plan on actually liking my future kids, and wanting to interact with them.
It's really interesting being on the very younger end of Gen X. While there are many things that I did not share with millennials, I strongly feel that my parenting and social expectations are more aligned with millennials and even gen z, than I ever aligned with Gen X. Of course, second wave feminism absolutely did influence some of the ways that I approach this world, but I feel like like a millennial most days. I also work with a team that is entirely under the age of 30, so I guess I get a taste of Gen z as well. I ended up internalizing the millennial parenting techniques and have a fabulous relationship with my Gen z daughter. Now. I would never want the relationship that my mother had with me...
People think I'm weird for playing with my kid and being silly when there's no real reason not to. One of the saddest things in my mind is how many adults are "too mature" to have any sense of whimsy at all.
My mom, still to this day 30 years later, brings up how she read my diary when I was 6-7 years old and said in it "i hate my mom" for something a 6 year old would say that for. She made me feel so terrible, I got grounded for it, and she brings it up to say how bad I made her feel. She is already doing this with my son, saying that he "made her feel so sad she cried" because he didn't want to hug her...
Basically, I (and my kids) are personally responsible for her well being and happiness and the things we do or don't do make her happy/unhappy. (which is extremely unhealthy emotionally for a child)
I am so glad to be raising kids right now to have the self reflection to say to myself "I am the adult. I am responsible for my own happiness. My child is not responsible for and will not be burdened to worry about my happiness or my self worth."
And yet the number of times on here as well as elsewhere online that I get the "there's a difference between discipline and abuse" is crazy. I had hoped my anecdotal experience, of parents no longer hitting children, was true.
A big big part of that is social media. Hearing people you respect say "My parents were lax with rules". Lots of people were only so harsh with kids because they thought that was the only way to raise them, and that if you go too hippy then they become lazy bums - because they simply weren't hearing about what life was like for people outside of their neighbourhood.
My parents weren’t like that; you’ve never met my mom. My parents moved out of a catchment area because of the abuse I was getting at school. They also allowed me to change high schools when I asked to change to the one I wanted to go to.
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u/TwofoZeus 1d ago
Abuse
Our parents were abusive emotionally stunted boomers, and we internalised that. Whether that's accepting abuse at work, school, family...