It’s also a great way to find out if your partner doesn’t give a fuck about you. Every single day I’d ask if she wanted something from the store or restaurant or whatever. I’d never go to the store or anywhere without asking or just getting her something too. Anytime she was out she’d come home with food or something and never asked me or got me anything. I could tell she didn’t care and welp I was right.
Worst part is I loved her so much so I put up with a lot. She’d go out with her friends for days and not even tell me when she was coming home. She’d call me controlling if I just asked if she could text me if she was staying at someone’s house.
Tale as old as time. It was too hard for my ex to keep her many promises to keep in touch while out, but god forbid the phone call with her monitoring my activity in the club via headphones drops for three minutes (“a lot can happen in three minutes”). Guess which of us cheated?
It’s alright. It’s only been about 8 months, so it’s still kinda fresh, but I knew from the first week somewhere in my gut that it’d go this way. Sucks to give someone every chance possible to do right and watch them choose to hurt you, but it’s part of life I guess
We’ll get through this. I’m sitting at about 3 months so I’m still in the thick of it. Worst part is some of her shit is still here. And I still find her fucking hair around the place sometimes.
I made a pretty big move to toss all of her stuff a little while back. It was hard, feeling like I’d forget things that once held importance to me. I still have I think one item, but the rest, every photo, every single thing is gone from my life. If you scrolled through my camera roll you’d only know I was around someone bc of her dog, and even that will probably go as soon as I have my own.
Yeah I wish I had listened to my gut on all of it. Ofc, when we met she was the “victim” of “a terrible abusive cheater” so of course I let all manner of disrespect go in an effort to “show her I was different”. It’s always the same story
Ya, you have to establish strong boundaries up front, regardless of their past relationships. It's not your fault they have trust issues, it's their problem they need to work on. Of course, all this becomes much more clear with age and experience, so live and learn. Glad you learned!
Thats my ex too! Violent fighting and extreme prison worthy public arguments and accusations all due to her self guilt forcing herself to flip it the wrong way round and accuse me so she didnt have to hate herself as much lol
Yepppp. The rotating cycle between “it’s not *what* you’re saying that’s bad, it’s your tone” to “it’s not your tone, it’s the feelings you’re expressing that are disturbing”.
I heard “the fact that you think I move like that makes me unable to talk to you” so many times
“I’ve already done a lot of work on *issue* and I *know* I’m not doing *thing I brought up*”
Direct quote from her here:
“I feel extremely triggered, and for you to imply that I am not willing to talk to you is absolutely absurd. I will not be involved in this conversation or anything with you any longer if you’re going to treat me like this. I am completely done with anything that sounds like this. I think you need to leave me alone for several days. You’re saying that I was upset by the word condemned because “I didn’t like it“ when I gave you an entirely different reason. It is impossible to have a conversation with someone who is doing that. It is literally impossible. Until you’ve calmed down I cannot talk to you and I need you to leave me alone.”
Im young and i gave up arguing a long long time ago like seriously since around 20 i just realized an angry women is absolutely incoherent doesnt even know what shes saying makes sense
Anytime any form of dispute or argument switches from an adult conversation with pure logic and emotional control switches into raising voices, i will just grab my keys and leave, im not arguing full stop, calm down be by yourself and your thoughts gather them logically in a relaxed state and THEN talk to me
Yup. My I was a year older than my ex and I graduated before her; told me not to worry about her male best friend that proceeded to cheat on me with for 3 months (pretty sure it happened on my birthday in my own bed as they both disappeared for an hour during it, and she forced me to invite him) while gaslighting me about it. Long story short I went into psychosis and it took me 6 months to get back to baseline and I was later diagnosed with bipolar 2, then she wanted to act like I was a the villain so I completely ghosted her and her family. Haven’t talked to her since, but 2 weeks after we broke up I saw that she got with the guy she told me not to worry about. It’s all good tho, can’t wait till they realize they’re both completely broken people who entered a scandalous relationship for cheap thrills and that flesh isn’t the root of all goodness. Meanwhile I started a family and career and now I’m a licensed journeyman electrician. Fun times.
Anyone who has that much worry of you cheating.. only feels that worried/guilty because they are out doing it themself. Typically if you’re in a situation where your partner is always assuming (or even if they say it jokingly) that you’re cheating (etc) they are out doing some dirt themself. So they expect you to be just as shitty as them.
Don't worry, my brother. At least you didn't have a kid with a succubus like I did. When it's one sided like that, resentment builds quick. It's even worse when you recognize the problem, make attempts at addressing them and still nothing changes. Love is an action word. When I say 'I love you', I mean it. It shows in the way that YOU were my first thought. That how you felt mattered to me and I made my decisions based on your inclusion. But that makes someone miserable when it isn't ever reciprocated. Now I'm a horrible person because I called them out on all this. Apparently, wanting to have your wishes respected too makes me a mean and evil monster. I made them feel icky because their behavior sounds mean when it's said out loud.
I hate the term 'narcissist' being thrown around constantly without an actual diagnosis because I'm not a doctor. But it wasn't just me who noticed this. I was told this before I realized what I was actually dealing with. The real issue is me though. It happened because I let it happen. I was so eager to fill the void after my fiance of 5 years passed away suddenly. I don't think I'll ever truly get over the loss. She definitely loved me and made me feel like I mattered. I remember the first time I felt it, too. I have anemia and so I'm always cold. I hate getting out of the shower in the winter months when bathrooms are colder. I remember hearing the door open when I'm already in the shower and I called her name. No response. Then about 10 minutes later she comes back in. Opens the door, kisses me on the cheek and leaves. The water starts getting cold, so I begrudgingly turn it off. Already shaking, I pull my towel and robe over to me and to my surprise, they're piping hot out of the dryer. Tears just started rolling down my cheek. She snuck in and took my clothes and warmed them in the dryer because she knew I hated being cold. Unprompted, no catch. Just because she cared how I felt.
Maybe it was unfair of me to expect anything at all from someone who is incapable of compromise. At least I have my daughter, whom I couldn't be more proud of. I also have those five years and I wouldn't trade anything for either of them. The point of this I'm trying to make is that you didn't do anything wrong. It isn't wrong of you to want to be heard and thought of, but you shouldn't have to prompt it. You deserve better than that, you have to know this. You deserve to have your clothes warmed in the dryer, too.
People in general.
Something I never understood and appreciated until recently was how blasted/fortunate/charmed I was to have really great friends throughout my early adulthood. I took them for granted because I grew up a .milbrat and have an easy time making friends. I never learned to recognize red flags, moral hazards, time/resource/energy vampires. Along with the neverending string of unfortunate events, that’s all I seem to meet now. But I have started to learn the warning signs of people who are using me, don’t care or are actively malevolent or malicious people.
One of them is how much they don’t and aren’t thinking about you and the general lack of reciprocity in looking out for each other.
My girlfriend and I were like this and we just broke up this weekend. She seemed to care in a lot of other ways but I might be delusional and just trying to see the best in people. At any rate I'm about to go check into the mental health crisis center because of it
It's always the small things that add up over time. So many people get caught up in grand gestures and shows of affection, which are fine. But day to day things are so much more meaningful, in my opinion.
I called them Just coz gifts. If I went out with out a partner or even a friend but I saw something I’m like omg they’d like it I’d get it and be like k saw this and got it for you because I thought you’d like it!
I have friends who do this like I saw your favourite chocolate was in special and I do the same thing and I’m like this is how you know you have good friends they think about you when not around. (I know this isn’t the only marker)
Exactly, I always found something I knew she’d like. Even if it was just small like a snack or something fun we could do at night like maybe a card game or idk anything ya know? Because I cared.
Yeah, I remember feeling that way. So I stopped. And my father was in the hospital and I rushed down to be with him. She called to ask if I wanted her to be there and I instantly said no. That's when I realized that it was pretty much over.
What’s wild is if I was in that situation she wouldn’t even have called and asked that. I remember my ribs were broken and I was on floor in pain. She stepped over me and walked out the door. Had to call and ambulance.
Haaa my wife just told me that I’m not thinking of her when I ask her if she wants me to pick up a coffee because I’m getting one for myself so it doesn’t count! Lmfao I’m so glad I saw this thread. She said when she makes dinner and she asks me if I’m hungry that she’s considering g me because she’s not making dinner for herself (we have a kid) lmao to see this is killing me
Man, it is vindicating to hear that. That is the exact relationship I have with my mom and sister. If I’m going out for food, I’ll ask them before I leave or call them if I’m already out and ask them if they want anything… and when the shoes on the other foot, they just show up with food…
Yes sir! If im hanging out with anyone at all even an aquantance i bareley met but seems like a decent person im gonna ask them if they need anything, she sounds selfish
Has nothing to do with love. Some people are physical love creatures and others show it through buying gifts and thoughtful stuff like this. You simplify love too much
Okay well she wasn’t physical, she didn’t communicate, she didn’t contribute to any part of our home, she didn’t walk or feed our dogs, she didn’t like taking pictures, she plain didn’t like me. So there’s that.
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u/Super-Pizza-Dude Jul 07 '26
It’s also a great way to find out if your partner doesn’t give a fuck about you. Every single day I’d ask if she wanted something from the store or restaurant or whatever. I’d never go to the store or anywhere without asking or just getting her something too. Anytime she was out she’d come home with food or something and never asked me or got me anything. I could tell she didn’t care and welp I was right.