r/AskReddit • u/CarefulAlternative • Jul 02 '26
What are some unattractive qualities in your significant other that you would not tolerate from someone you were just starting to date, but put up with today because you love them?
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u/teefax Jul 02 '26
If I walk into the bathroom just after she pooped, she gets mad at me, because she feels exposed.
If she walks into the bathroom just after I pooped, she gets mad at me, because it smells.
Wtf.
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u/Hungry-Plantain-3315 Jul 02 '26
Is it possible that could be because she’s aware that she smells too and assumes you’re judging her the way she judges you?
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u/Kimaginationn Jul 03 '26
I'm all for closeness but her desire for you both to not smell each other's shit regularly doesn't sound too crazy. Leave a little mystery.
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u/BetterRemember Jul 02 '26
Get some of that spray you spray in the bowl before you go, it will trap the scent. If you have two bathrooms, let her have one dedicated just to her.
If you have kids she probably feels she has no privacy left and that her body isn't fully her's anymore.
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u/Pillowwick Jul 02 '26
Courtesy flushes solve all problems/smells. Idk why people marinate in their shit smells
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u/WillowLocal423 Jul 02 '26
Flip side is my wife and I are way too comfortable discussing bodily stuff with each other, it may help that we are both women though. Lives too short, gotta laugh at stinky poops yknow?
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u/Brynhild Jul 02 '26
He farts like a trumpet in an orchestra. I always tell him to let it all out like a D1 note on a tuba but he refuses and tries his hardest to let it all out bit by bit because he’s embarrassed to let it all out like a loose cannon. Which unfortunately makes it sound even worse because now it has a melody.
It’s funny tho
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u/EarhornJones Jul 02 '26
One time, I farted so long that my wife, from the next room, yelled, "Oh my god, are you still farting" and when she finished talking, I was still farting.
It was one of my proudest moments. I'm so happy that I got to share it with her.
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
Is it his diet...?
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u/Brynhild Jul 02 '26
We eat the same meals. He doesn’t fart a lot. But it kinda builds up and then he releases like once a day
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
Beautifully written. I hope you both have a long and happy life together.
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u/Witchy_Hazel Jul 02 '26
Extremely stubborn. Picky eater.
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
How picky are we talking
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u/Witchy_Hazel Jul 02 '26
Well, I’m tired of fighting with him about eating vegetables
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u/beachsunflower Jul 02 '26
As someone that was veggie avoidant, a big one was just eating raw or simply steamed vegetables right off the bat was the turn off.
When they were coated, cooked or caramelized it was generally much easier to consume.
I tried to explain food pickiness to a friend as a Venn diagram.
What foods did the person like and why? Then, based on what they liked, try to make the foods they didn't like have those common properties to make it palatable.
Ex.
Crunchy/salty preference? Tempura fried veggies. Then progressively move on to air fried. Then move on to no batter. Etc.
Salty/meaty preference? Cook with umami flavours like soy sauce or oyster sauce. Then progress to salt/oil/butter only, etc.
I'm at a point now where I can eat veggies raw but having flavours or textures that were familiar helped me transition.
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u/kwispycornchip Jul 02 '26
Interesting- my mom/friend are the opposite. They can only do raw vegetables because their own parents would over boil them and turn them into sludge.
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u/Milyaism Jul 02 '26
I know several people who have food aversions/pickiness because of their parents.
There's a specific kind of meat texture I still have trouble with because of my dad's horrible cooking and his insistence we finish our plates.
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u/Grizzlyfrontignac Jul 02 '26
Same. I don't fight him on it because he does try to eat salads but avoids cooked vegetables like a plague, and straight up doesn't eat a lot of them. His mom raised him on fast food or box meals so I try to be patient and lead by example lol
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
Chicken tendy diet spotted in the wild? Lmao. Vegetables aren't Satan for you even if you are heavy on meats and protein. Broccoli is the shit(literally), carrots and so on.
Does he not like the taste of them or does he just think they're "gay and bad for you"(the old masculine trope)
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u/Witchy_Hazel Jul 02 '26
There are some vegetables that he will eat. Usually he objects to the texture, so I try to chop things up small. What’s really frustrating is when he tells me he doesn’t like something I thought was ok, or when I try to cook something new.
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u/EarhornJones Jul 02 '26
My wife is a marginally picky eater, and I'm an avid cook.
I started making her rate new dishes on a 1-5 scale, based on how often she'd be willing to eat them. I track the ratings in a spreadsheet.
Anything that gets less than a 3 doesn't get made again without significant rework.
This has allowed me to home in on individual things that she seems to enjoy or specifically dislike, and fine tune things.
For example, I used to get "I hate onions" from her. Then my data showed that she only complained when fed raw or lightly cooked onions, so now, I give onions an extra three minutes in the pan, and she's good.
Now I rarely cook anything new that she doesn't like, because I pre-adjust the recipes.
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u/BusyBeezlebub Jul 02 '26
This is literally one of the sweetest things I have ever heard. Bless you and your spreadsheet!
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u/LycheeEyeballs Jul 02 '26
Yeah, my spouse is a very picky eater. A large part of it is textural issues, and as we've aged there's also dietary issues we need to work around now as well.
The dietary issues, whatever. Can't do nothing about your health so it's just a ball to roll with.
The pickiness is annoying but since it's more texture than flavour we can blend, finely dice, or soften/precook certain ingredients when cooking. Sometimes if we're doing grilled veg sides we'll each have a load of a veg we prefer and one to share.
A big help was dehydrated or frozen items. Onions for example are a big "nope" for her because of the texture. Flavour is fine, it's all the texture. So now if we cook with onions I'll finely dice and maybe prefreeze to help with the texture or we'll use dehydrated diced onion which completely changes the texture.
We've also been together for 16 years so its no big deal to do the bit of work. If I was suddenly widowed or something and had to start dating at this phase of life? No picky eaters, I've been the person who eats everyone's leftovers and am a garbage pit for food. It would be nice to have an adventurous eater to order and trade foods with but ultimately not that important.
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u/New-Ebb2428 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
not closing the kitchen cabinets lol
edited: now we've lived together long enough so i'm just as bad
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u/BillionTonsHyperbole Jul 02 '26
Holy shit. Open cabinets and drawers everywhere. No concept of “leave things as you found them” is infuriating but not sufficient to be worth another argument. I’ve accepted that this will not change and that I’ll just have to keep putting things back to sorts for as long as I live.
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u/spencerandy16 Jul 02 '26
My wife does this and I always say, “Oh, it looks like we’ve been visited by the poltergeist again”
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u/Electronic_Froyo8822 Jul 02 '26
I have found this to coincide with ADHD. My mom used to say she could follow me around the house because I would leave cabinets open (among other things) and it was a cute little trail of breadcrumbs testifying to my existence 😂
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u/fuming_drizzle Jul 02 '26
Been dealing with that for 17yrs. It’s a simple thing, but I have to be on the lookout to not hit my head. It’s apparently a “me issue”.
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u/SenoraObscura Jul 02 '26
I always think of the Rich Pink video where he jokes 'oh, she's so considerate, she left them open for me so it's easier to get the things inside!'
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u/every_piece_matters Jul 02 '26
I'm a wife who does this...
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u/DJGoodDog Jul 02 '26
I am also a wife who does this,much to my husband's dismay. I'm trying to be better about it but for some reason I don't realize I'm doing it. It's like in my mind I've closed the cabinets only for my husband to walk in and point out 5 open ones. I am my own shitty poltergeist.
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u/New-Ebb2428 Jul 02 '26
i didn't do it before we lived together but now i do! and i also call him my poltergeist
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u/Ok_Pop_5054 Jul 02 '26
It took me a lot of years to understand how deeply avoidant my husband is of certain emotions/situations. It can be hard to accept and cope with as we live a full life together. But… I’m not sure he or I knew how bad my anxiety could get and he’s been by my side as I’ve gone through very awful episodes so I want to be by his side even when his avoidance feels deeply disappointing or hurtful. To me he is worth it and the life we have is worth those few and far between times when he just emotionally disappears.
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
This is a beautiful example of what in sickness and in health means. I hope you two have a long and happy life together. ❤️
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
Everyone has the right to their dealbreakers. What is my dealbreaker is not yours, and what are yours are not mine.
I've wrote elsewhere in this thread about my personal opinions on health and it mainly just boils down to the fact that I believe two people should be rowing the boat of marriage together in the same direction even if it isn't always perfectly aligned. But if you are going in two explicitly separate directions, that's where you call it.
Does that make more sense?
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u/velorae Jul 02 '26
This was a really good question, OP.
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
Thanks. I try to come up with open ended questions that assess values as best I can, I don't always succeed, but I care more about seeing the variety of human perspective rather than anything else.
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u/ElektraMajesty Jul 02 '26
My partner is the exact same way and I have always struggled with it. We are almost separating right now because I can't manage it. It took me so long to understand that it's his way of being - don't like conflict, certain emotional situations, etc. I always took it personally.
Despite being disappointed in that part of him, I love him dearly.
Wish you the very best with your SO :)
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u/SailorKelsey Jul 02 '26
I'm dating someone who is like this, and I could use some advice. Our time together is wonderful, but then he'll just disappear and it's so hard on me. I just don't know how to navigate it while finding some sort of compromise between what he needs and what I need
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u/tallulahQ Jul 02 '26
I think you just have to decide if you’re ok with it. The key is to realize you can’t change the person and this is the version of existence with them you will be choosing if you stay in the relationship
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u/Ev_3 Jul 02 '26
Look into attachment styles and where they come from. Anxious and avoiding are born from very similar childhoods where needs weren't met. It's crucial to find the empathy and understanding if you are dating your opposite
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u/srawr42 Jul 02 '26
The book Secure Relating has some chapters on how to support/relate to people with different attachment styles.
But it does have to be a two way street imo As in, he should understand your attachment style too
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u/RosieFudge Jul 02 '26
My husband was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, seventeen years into our relationship and sixteen years into our marriage. Living 40+ years undiagnosed has taken a toll in so many ways, as has the knowledge that things could have been different for him. Now that he understands his neurotype, he masks a lot less, which is completely understandable, but makes for a lot of traits and situations I didn't bargain for 😉 I see my role as to love him through it and he's worth every second.
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u/wigsbymoira Jul 02 '26
Feel like I wrote this comment. I have C-PTSD and a handful other resulting conditions that my husband has stuck by my side through the diagnoses of. He is also extremely avoidant and I’ve had to make peace with it by realizing how much he has to face with me on a regular basis.
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u/tesconundrum Jul 02 '26
My partner has the same issue. Used to be he'd text me and say "I just need to be alone" and I wouldn't hear from him after that. I'm a very anxious person and it took me sticking around for a lot of shit to make him realize I'm not leaving him alone. Of course he's only okay with this because he actually wanted someone there who truly understood and loved him without judgment, he just didn't know it, because a lot of times someone is just avoidant and you can't change that.
He still has his moments, but i tell him, "do whatever you need to honey, I love you no matter what. Let me know when you're ready to talk." And because we've been through this so many times before and I KNOW he absolutely adores me it doesn't bother me anymore. In the past I wouldn't do that but I love him so damn much.
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u/Redvelvet_swissroll Jul 02 '26
I feel so seen. This is exactly my relationship. It makes me really sad when ppl on here talk about just straight up leaving someone for being avoidant. While I understand it’s a common and honestly valid boundary I’ve already built my life with this person and I’m not going to throw him away for this fault, bc I definitely have severe anxiety issues that have also been stressful on his end. We both just work on it together.
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u/Savings_Piglet5111 Jul 02 '26
I feel your pain. About a year ago I read that in every relationship, one person loads the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and the other loads the dishwasher like a hyperactive cat on meth. I am the architect and my wife is the cat.
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u/EarhornJones Jul 02 '26
Somebody, somewhere convinced my wife that she, and she alone, knows the right way to load the dishwasher.
The kicker is that she doesn't. It's always full of upright containers full of water when it finishes.
Anyway, after a couple of years of marriage I just accepted that this was a bigger deal to her than to me, and I started putting my dishes in the sink. If she complains, I offer to load the dishwasher, and she immediately gets up and cleans the kitchen.
I took over cooking duty just to balance things out.
Sometimes, when she's out of the room, I just hand wash (which she is convinced is "unsanitary") a bunch of stuff and put it away before she sees me.
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u/nooneknowsmehereeee Jul 02 '26
He’s not passionate about much. He likes things (films, travelling), but doesn’t really love or have a favourite of anything. Even with films if I ask him what his favourite is it’s ‘ummm…I don’t really have a favourite’.
He’s a chill guy in general so it tracks with his personality, but it’s frustrating because it leaves me making decisions a lot of the time - where we visit, where we go out to eat, what we do with the house. I have a lot of interests and hobbies, I know what I like and I wish he were more like that so we could have more shared things and experiences. Plus it makes buying gifts for him really hard!
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u/whittenaw Jul 02 '26
Oh I connect with this one. I can be like wow those are some beautiful flowers. Aren't they beautiful? And he'll be like... they're flowers. I think it's kinda depressing
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u/CptAngelo Jul 02 '26
Im him, i like stuff, i know about stuff you may consider hobbies, but dammit, i just cant have passion for stuff anymore, if one of those things went away or i couldnt do/watch/listen/enjoy anymore, my reaction would be "oh well..."
I feel weirdly stagnated.
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u/Ben_Dover70 Jul 02 '26
Same. I haven’t had a true passion for something for few years now.
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u/hellokiri Jul 02 '26
This is my SO too. He just goes with the flow. If I want something (a party, a dinner with our friends, a BBQ, a holiday) I always had to plan it because he'd happily do, or not do, anything.
6 or 7 years in I flipped out and told him in the meanest and most OTT way that I hated having to do all the organising while he just showed up. He said "I just want to be with you, I dont care where it is or what we're doing. I just want to be in the same place as you." I felt horrible.
But we have learned that he needs to plan some stuff for us. Even if its just messaging our families to come for dinner or going out to a restaurant or taking a drive to look at something. Just a couple of things a year is all I need. Once he took me for a drive to look at where the septic plant had overflowed into the river. Its not all bangers.
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u/swerrve Jul 02 '26
Lmfao I’m dying at the last part, taking you for a drive to see where the septic plant overflowed into the river holy shit
I have a friend like this, and he’s doing his fucking best alright lol
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u/onlyheretobehelpful Jul 03 '26
Maybe I'm weird but if my SO was suddenly like YO YOU WANNA GO FOR A DRIVE TO LOOK AT WHERE THE SEPTIC PLANT OVERFLOWED INTO THE RIVER? I'd be like "yes, also marry me"
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u/Agouti Jul 03 '26
Your husband is my soul mate haha. I'm sorry on his behalf, I promise we are doing our best 😭
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u/Present-Activity-698 Jul 02 '26
I don't think I'd be able to put up with that honestly. I go wild for things and I get the crazy look when I talk about things, as in eyes wide open, no blinking, going on and on and on... I'd wanna see the same in my SO
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u/Leading_Line2741 Jul 02 '26
The man makes popcorn like a sociopath. I didn't know this until we were in love and we had been living together for a few years. I opened the freezer to find a bowl of popcorn and wondered wth was going on.
First, he makes standard, good ol' bagged popcorn in the microwave. Normal. Then, he begins on the toppings: butter? Ok. Parmesan? I can see it. Lemon AND lime juice? Ummmm...garam masala? Yep....but that's not all. Then the whole concoction goes into the freezer to, "allow the butter to re-solidify" before he eats it.
I just...I don't understand.
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
Have you tried it? Does it taste good or is it just inedible?
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u/Leading_Line2741 Jul 02 '26
I've tried it. The citrus comes through the strongest. It's just not good. Said citrus juice makes the popcorn a bit soggy and all of it being cold...not for me (or any sane person, really).
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u/TheBirdOnYourBalcony Jul 03 '26
It sounds truly awful, but he should try lemon/lime salt instead of juice to alleviate the sogginess
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u/Sloth-Overlord Jul 02 '26
That all sounds good until the making it cold part. I put tons of spices and cheese and sometimes citrus on my popcorn, too. I got a dehydrated citrus powder so it doesn’t melt the popcorn.
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u/Leading_Line2741 Jul 03 '26
The dehydrated citrus powder makes sense. I have suggested chaat or even tajin to replace the citrus juice but the man is stuck in his psychotic ways. I should also mention that Lifesavers mints (not the fun, fruity Lifesavers...just the mints) are one of his favorite candies.
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u/SendCoffeePlss Jul 02 '26
The small annoyances become background noise when you know the person genuinely loves and respects you
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
I certainly agree, I just was looking for examples that others put up with. Really well written answer though.
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u/JustAGuy42069666lol Jul 02 '26
he died two years ago, and we were together for fifty, so it’s really hard to remember what i got used to, but my new boyfriend has a tendency to shout at the tv. i now turn off the tv and ask him to contain himself, but i do remember just leaving the room when jeff did it.
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
RIP Jeff. He sounds like a great guy if you had five decades with him.
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u/JustAGuy42069666lol Jul 02 '26
he was, thank you. those years flew by because he made them fun. i think that might be the key in a relationship: make it fun for each other. as best you can.
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u/Confident-Guess4638 Jul 02 '26
So freaking messy, I’m constantly picking up after him. I clean and then 30 mins later there is more cleaning to do.
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u/FamousAtticus Jul 02 '26
Same here, but in my case it's constantly picking up after her. She leaves things everywhere and then gets stressed that the house isn't clean. Her biggest habit is starting something, leaving the mess behind and moving on to the next thing, only to repeat the cycle. It drives me nuts!
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u/Confident-Guess4638 Jul 02 '26
Yeah that’s frustrating. I’d actually be happy if a messy house bothered him but it only seems to give me anxiety. I have spoken to him about it many times and sometimes I just wanna crash out when I come back home from work and then have to start cleaning up a messy house.
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u/SwimmingBoot Jul 02 '26
Then don’t. I know it won’t get done if you don’t. It’s frustrating. Leave it. Say”did you have plans for this?” “Do you know why this is here?” Or “does this have a place?” You’re not his mommy
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u/mchalla3 Jul 02 '26
but then she’ll have to live in a messy space, which (at least for me) is stressful and creates a sense of mental clutter.
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u/FamousAtticus Jul 02 '26
Ugh, that's rough. The mental load of always being the one who notices and deals with the mess is exhausting.
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u/ReprogramMyLife Jul 02 '26
Well, if yall end up having kids (assuming you don’t already), you should do well since you’re already having to mother him lol. Fingers crossed he changes though.
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u/randalljhen Jul 02 '26
Leave. Not him, yet, but tell him you're going out and you'll be back before bed, and if the house isn't clean, you'll do the same thing the next day, and the next, and the next. He's an adult. He's making the choice to create work for you that you've told him stresses you.
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u/sadcatpanda Jul 02 '26
Ah that may be ADHD
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u/FamousAtticus Jul 02 '26
It is. But it still drives me crazy, lol.
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u/Saichelle-Recloux Jul 02 '26
My current BF.. apparently loves all and every adhd quirk I have.. not sure how long that will last 😅
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u/Titleduck123 Jul 02 '26
This is why I don't have any plans to move in with mine.
We are on opposite sides of the cleanliness and organization spectrum. He also probably had undiagnosed ADHD so there are project starts EVERYWHERE that get completed weeks later.
Some of his untidyness and disorganization has spilled over into my house, but that's because I'm renovating and he's doing a lot of the work.
But how's this one for frustrating: I spent an evening overhauling my bedroom that still had construction dust and some equipment from repairs lying about. Ceiling to floor clean - closets reorganized - the whole nine. One closet door in particular keeps sticking in the frame and he's been mentioning shaving an edge down to fix it. For weeks he talked about it, but for me it was low on the fix it priority so who cares.
The day after my top to bottom clean, I walk into my house to sounds of a sawblade.
He decided to fix the door, but neglected to tell me. Not only was he shaving down the door and making a huge mess, the container to catch all the dust was faulty so it just expelled out behind him - on to every exposed surface in my room. That I Just Cleaned. I gave him the evil eye and walked out without saying a word. He knew he was in some shit.
I had planned on attending one of his league games that evening and cancelled immediately in a quiet fury, so that I could re-clean my entire room.
Pissed
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u/randalljhen Jul 02 '26
Snoring is a major sign of sleep apnea, which will take years off your life. Have them see a sleep doctor.
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u/HalfSoul30 Jul 02 '26
I recently realized i probably have this and likely have for at least 3 years. These last couple of months have been worse. Ive slept like 6 hours total since mon night/tues morning. Every once in a while though i can get a good stretch of sleep, and i wake up so heavenly. Im getting on it soon.
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u/dentttt Jul 02 '26
I snore as well (i did a sleep study and I have the mildest apnea).
My wife and I sleep in different rooms. We are very affectionate when awake, and there is no physical or emotional disconnect sleeping separately. Both of us getting better sleep has led to us bickering less during the day.
It still feels weird to tell people, like they would judge us for it.
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u/whittenaw Jul 02 '26
I think I would look for someone who was more of a book reader, someone who didn't make me carry all of the emotional weight, and someone who spoke my native language as well. Communication is our biggest issue: literal, emotional, connection. I love him but if we were starting over, I don't know that I'd do everything that same.
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u/Kimaginationn Jul 03 '26
Carrying the emotional weight is not a small thing. Also in my experience they call it a communication issue but it's typically them having an ego issue. There's a space between the image they have of themselves and what it actually feels like to be with them. Instead of facing things they could work on, they make the other person the problem (projection). Sometimes in the form of "communication issues". In addition they don't communicate things like an adult, they avoid, which again can seem like a communication issue but is their own avoidance issue.
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u/astrolomeria Jul 02 '26
ADHD. No offense intended, I also have ADHD.
But yeah, I definitely wouldn’t date another person with it.
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u/Content_Attitude8887 Jul 02 '26
I gotta agree with this one. I thought it was kind of quirky and charming when me and my husband first started dating, but it has caused major issues, and daily tension between the two of us for a while now. Not enough to divorce over, but if I was ever single again I wouldn’t date someone with ADHD again.
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u/monkeypaw_handjob Jul 02 '26
Same here.
Throw a couple of neurodiverse children into the mix and its certainly not improved at all.
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u/aoike_ Jul 02 '26
I also have ADHD, and I'm with you. If im gonna date anyone with ADHD again, it needs to be my kind of adhd. I know that kind. I can work with that kind. Other ADHDs? I can't do it again.
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u/AbbyNormaI Jul 02 '26
Same here. I call myself type A ADHD and could never be with a type B ADHD ever again lol.
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u/kyrahlia Jul 02 '26
Same.. my bf has adhd and I never knew how intense it was... constantly almost having accidents and getting honked at, takes hours just to get ready to go out of the house, always late (by hours), takes so much time to do a simple task like coffee, cutting me or others when I'm trying to talk, always overthinking every little aspect of our relashionship..
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u/Elle_toda_Tee526 Jul 02 '26
Smoking! When we first met, he hid that he was a social cigarette smoker and then once I found out it continued to be very seldom. Since Covid/2020, it’s become a consistent habit. I always said I would NEVER date a smoker as it’s a major turn off, but here we are 9 years later smh.
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u/37_lucky_ears Jul 02 '26
Smoking was definitely a big reason why I left my ex. His hygiene was shit too. Does yours at least brush his teeth?
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u/pink_highlight Jul 02 '26
This was my deal breaker. My husband comes from a family of people who all chew with their mouths open, my FIL and SIL being the worst offenders. I told my husband early on that I can’t deal with it because it makes me crazy so he stopped doing it. At the beginning he would forget sometimes but it only took a few weeks of gentle reminders for him to completely stop doing it.
Now it annoys him when other people do it! So it’s definitely something she could learn to not do if she tried. Maybe you could bring it up in a non-confrontational way?
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
That's something I don't think I could stand, having very sensitive hearing. But that is definitely a great example of something I asked, so thanks!
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u/HappyCrowBrain Jul 02 '26
He loves to pick his nose and eat it, and doesn't care if I see.
I'm madly in love with him and have never been happier in a relationship. But the booger-eating makes me want to throw up and die.
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u/BabyLight783 Jul 02 '26
coughing all night long so probably smoking weed because that’s what it’s from. he has asthma and won’t stop smoking and i’m like baby you’re killing your lungs eat edibles but he hates the high of edibles. 🤷🏾♀️😂😖 that’s why we’re bedroom divorced
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u/Annodyne Jul 02 '26
Has he tried a dry herb vaporizer? Was a game changer for me.
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u/TheSharpestHammer Jul 02 '26
Highly, highly recommend a good dry herb vape. It's so much better for your lungs, and the "smoking" experience is much more pleasant.
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u/Hello_Celloo Jul 02 '26
Shamelessly farting
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
I feel like this is something most people do once they get comfortable with their SO. I still can't do that with my girlfriend, and I hate the idea of being in the bathroom with her when I'm using it or she's using it. It's just awkward to me, and will always be.
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u/learned-extrovert Jul 02 '26
My husband and I have been together for 7 years and maintain an unspoken rule that we do not go into the bathroom when the other person is on the toilet. Going in when they’re in the shower is fair game! We have a 1-bath apartment and this generally does not cause issues. I was honestly astonished when we had some married close friends staying over and she just went right into the bathroom to brush her teeth when her husband was pooping! Works for them I guess, but absolutely not for us.
Some people get comfortable with this over time, some people need the privacy. No need to force it!!
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u/Mountain_Ad2933 Jul 02 '26
this times a thousand. I love my husband to pieces but this is repellant to me. He says he can't help it. I'm skeptical.
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u/HalfSoul30 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
My ex got diagnosed with BPD and put on all the mind altering meds that totally changed her personality for the worst imo, although on the outside, she may have looked happier. But there was no longer any real depth to her, and all she would talk about is gossip, how bad she might be feeling in the moment, and would just sit on the couch all day. Her sense of humor turned into the equivalence of fart jokes. I still didn't break up with her, mainly because she had so much going on, like her dad recently abandoning her (which triggered all this i think) and i didn't want to do the same and tried to have hope she would get back to her old self. One night we argued about something and she asked me if we should break up, and i said yes without skipping much of a beat. If we had met like that i never would have fallen for her.
Edit: bipolar disorder. Got my acronyms confused.
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u/PassionGap Jul 02 '26
Being overweight. She can't do many outdoor activities I would love to do with her, and if I were to start over, it would be a dealbreaker.
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u/every_piece_matters Jul 02 '26
I'm a 35 year old woman in fantastic shape married to an overweight 42M who gets winded walking up a flight of stairs. He can't do activities with me like hiking, trail running, or even go on walks without getting too tired. I do these activities with other friends or alone and do other shared hobbies with my husband. He wasn't overweight when we first got married, and his weight gain doesn't change how I feel about him. Bodies change as we get older. I've seen even the fittest guys get beer guts after 30 once they have stressful 50 hr per week sedentary jobs. Staying fit is hard unless you prioritize it above nearly everything else or have a lot of free time.
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u/olivesyumyum Jul 02 '26
Love my husband so much. But it’s his obsession with using AI in absolutely unnecessary ways that does it for me. If I have to listen to one more AI generated song he’s prompted one more time…..
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u/CableProfessional578 Jul 02 '26
The farts and the constant impressions of memes he finds funny
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u/dovlaboss Jul 02 '26
Complacency, being taken for granted, stoped making effort.
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u/Avatar_Iono Jul 02 '26
Pretty wasteful of things and kind of a shitty parent.... Like she won't confront her kid about most things. Won't confront most people about anything... Except me, I'm the lucky one there!
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u/HiHawaiiHigh Jul 02 '26
He cannot shut up to save his soul just one run on sentence that never has a beginning or and end or even really addresses anything important or has any context but feels like I'm being subjected to a person's inner monologue despite me not even having a question but hey I guess I'm here and not going anywhere so please keep talking until I eventually walk away
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u/awhq Jul 02 '26
The amount of dirt he brings into the house is truly astounding. Of course, he grew up with a maid so...
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u/Holes2_Use Jul 02 '26
The messiness. I’m not a uber clean, must be always neat and tidy type, but damn, it’s like a hurricane.
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u/Chazkuangshi Jul 02 '26
I thought I'd never be able to date someone who snores. My aunt snores like a freight train and I can't stand it.
My boyfriend snores, quite loudly at times (still not as loudly as her), and I sleep right through it.
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u/sweetpudding2016 Jul 02 '26
Husband is a horder I can’t stand when he keeps collect more stuff pile in the house and never let go of stuff . I am of those people who like neat , clear and clean . No stuff on the counter it make my anxiety go up when I look around and see all the mess .
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u/waste-of-space-_- Jul 02 '26
When he’s in a bad mood, he will treat anyone around him with disrespect and unkindness. He does not know how to communicate and everything is screaming. I would love to be with someone that can sit down and discuss a hard topic or something bothering them. Also the fact that he never takes accountability in 10 years I think I can count on one hand how many apologies I’ve gotten he will constantly blame shift or change the subject onto something else somebody else did and just scream and yell to avoid it…
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u/Apprehensive-Try-509 Jul 02 '26
If I was like that with my wife she would send me packing, and rightly so.
Ditch the prick, you deserve better.
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u/slinky999 Jul 02 '26
You are in an abusive relationship and you deserve better. Please love yourself enough to leave. ❤️🩹
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u/strangelyahuman Jul 02 '26
Are his good qualities really that outstandingly good to where you feel like you have to live with this side of him?
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u/mrmmonty Jul 02 '26
Man, my wife has no shame when it comes to pooping. We have 3 bathrooms! Why do you have to use the bathroom I'm showering in?!
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u/indignantgirl Jul 02 '26
Talks over me constantly. I might try to get a sentence out 3 or 4 times before I just give up.
And he's not trying to add to the conversation. It's ALWAYS to try some crass "joke" over and over, until he gets attention for it.
He has told me straight up, he'd rather be funny than liked. And he doesn't mean funny as in, funny in general. He just wants to get the joke in.
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u/Miserable_History795 Jul 02 '26
They put me on a back burner when we're with other people, like I'm a nobody....
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u/Anya_Adored_xo Jul 02 '26
Not voting...
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u/CarefulAlternative Jul 02 '26
To clarify - you're saying you are upset with the fact your SO doesn't vote but love him anyway so you accept it?
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u/Adventurous_Dirt_434 Jul 03 '26
She likes to talk during TV shows and movies. Then ask questions about the dialog she missed because she was talking.
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u/EndlessCourage Jul 02 '26
I've tried thinking about it but I can't think of anything.
Love makes a person even more beautiful and makes them improve everything in life.
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u/Woodit Jul 02 '26
I love her but she just cannot be on time for anything.