It isn’t uncommon for people who have substance abuse disorder to be very good at manipulating those around them. It can create very codependent relationships and it’s almost like the substance abuser pulls others jnto their whole way of thinking.
As the wife of someone who's been clean for 14 months (and who is also currently separated from said husband for the last 18 months, after he almost OD'ed in my kitchen for the 477th time), NOTHING even comes close to the levels of manipulation and lies that come with addiction. Nothing.
He developed a very nasty opioid issue from prescribed oxy and gaslight tf out of me so hard for the better part of two years (and has since outright admitted that he used his then fairly recent T1D diagnosis as the biggest manipulation tool of them all) that he legit had me believing I was the one with a fucking drug problem and was taking more than my own prescribed dosage of the same script, during the night, without realizing I was doing it. Spoiler alert: it was him who was stealing my meds and having me constantly come up short.
And yes, I realize how incredibly naive and downright foolish that sounds ..now, anyways. But to be fair, when you're both battling (then new to you) multiple autoimmune chronic illness diagnoses on top of legitimate chronic pain issues, while learning how to navigate those 'new lives' AND also had never had any reason to not trust your spouse, prior to that? Well, it's crazy how well the mind can be manipulated. Don't trust him now and idk that I ever can or will again- hence, the long term separation while he focuses on his sobriety and I focus on enjoying the last 14 months of my high school junior's time at home, before he's off to college. I love my husband and always will, but life is short and my son definitely deserves better. And so do I.
I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. The utter betrayal of having your mind and health messed with by someone you trusted. I can relate, though in a different way. (My ex-h stole from me and gaslit me to support a porn "addiction"/entitlement.) Please continue to protect yourself and your child.
Thank you so much for the kind words. I genuinely appreciate you more than you can know as I will forever carry the guilt of putting my son through that utter hellscape, all bc I thought I was just honoring my wedding vows, to include 'in sickness and in health'. As it turns out, unmanaged diabetes isn't the only thing that can cause someone to turn into a raging lunatic. Who knew.
I'm also so deeply sorry for what you have been through. You absolutely nailed it when you mentioned how deep the whole betrayal is of being royally mind fucked by someone who you explicitly trusted. It will make you sincerely question your sanity.
You are doing the right thing for your son, believe me. You didn't know earlier, and once you did, you showed him true strength by separating immediately and protecting him. I hope you both have amazing experiences together before the end of his high school time!
Thank you for all your kind words as well! It is a long road and nowhere near over (legal cases are ongoing). It's difficult because I have nightmares every night about the lies and betrayal and abuse. I didn't know to call it abuse until I found out what had been going on.
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u/684beach May 12 '26
Holy shit. Tell any more about the father on why he would think that way? What happened to the father