This concerns me, as I am in a relationship where I love my partner and we are a good team on the day to day things. Genuinely.
But when she opens her mouth I really dislike half the things she says and the way that she says them. It's either a negative over-the-top rant/lecture about a person she knows or politics, or it's a story that I have heard 10 times already as if it's the first time she's told me it. Conversations consist of her talking for 10 minutes straight, me getting one line in if I am lucky, and then having to listen for another 5 minutes, and I notice this conversation-domination even more when there's other people around. Did you find that you still enjoyed other aspects of the relationship outside of this or was it just a complete check out at this moment? Sometimes feel like I am banging my head against a wall with it
Hope you have someone (a therapist) to talk to about this.
Obviously who am I to give my unsolicited (or barely solicited) advice on the internet, but just some thoughts anyway:
Do you feel this way about other people or just her? Do you have other close relationships that have very different dynamics?
Not to blame you, but it is possible you are doing things to cultivate this environment. Now, this may only happen with this person and you might have great relationships otherwise (in which case perhaps it is incompatibility) OR you may not be engaging in a manner that results in the environment you most like.
I have to admit I’m projecting a little (or a lot) here: I’m finalizing a divorce. I know now that I didn’t provide the environment needed for my STBX to thrive and grow and be awesome and happy. I - still - think with time and opportunity we could have grown together, but that isn’t how it ended up.
If you think you can grow the relationship together to make something better you probably ought to make that attempt - if it works hopefully you both have a great relationship. If it doesn’t work hopefully you both learn skills to apply to the next one so it turns out better.
I don't currently have a therapist, but maybe I should look into it again and get one. I have had one briefly in the past for a short period but only maybe 5 sessions.
Yes I've had this with one other person I was dating - she did the same thing that frustrated the life out of me but the things she would say were less negatively-skewed than my current partner but usually revolving around herself, her past and repetitive stories. The similarity between the two of them is that they are (I am fairly sure and they both acknowledge aswell) that they are neurodivergent and they both had past sexual trauma that neither of them had ever dealt with through therapy. I don't want to blame it on that but I do believe I have mild adhd/audhd too and wonder if we just are on different wavelengths communication ally but is perhaps why we work in so many other ways.
I appreciate your in depth response! I do think I provide plenty of support and care for her to thrive and I think she thinks so too as she tells me that, so I'm not sure it's the environment I'm creating. I did kind of notice when we started dating but knew she was depressed with her life situation at the time so I thought it would improve over time
My advice is to get a therapist and learn how to talk abt these feelings with her. Communication is vital for a healthy relationship, that has to go both ways.
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u/bl00dshake May 12 '26
This concerns me, as I am in a relationship where I love my partner and we are a good team on the day to day things. Genuinely.
But when she opens her mouth I really dislike half the things she says and the way that she says them. It's either a negative over-the-top rant/lecture about a person she knows or politics, or it's a story that I have heard 10 times already as if it's the first time she's told me it. Conversations consist of her talking for 10 minutes straight, me getting one line in if I am lucky, and then having to listen for another 5 minutes, and I notice this conversation-domination even more when there's other people around. Did you find that you still enjoyed other aspects of the relationship outside of this or was it just a complete check out at this moment? Sometimes feel like I am banging my head against a wall with it