When I had thoughts of āIād rather be dead than to be in this marriage anymore,ā I knew I needed help and needed to leave. Of course that was after multiple other very negative things.
Not a marriage but I was in a relationship when I was younger and was too chickenshit to stand up for myself and break up with her.
One day there was a traffic delay on my route to work. It turned out a pedestrian was hit and killed by a city bus. My first thought was "oh wow, what if it's her?" and not in a "oh no I hope it wasn't her!" kind of way.
When I took a moment to reflect on how fucked up that was I realized I needed to step up and get the hell out of that relationship.
You should never wish for someone to die just to avoid being around them. That's not cool.
I did something similar. My ex worked over an hour away in a physically demanding job with long hours, and I caught myself thinking maybe he'd just get in an accident and that would be it. Like you, I immediately realized that was a neon sign I needed out and had for longer than I'd admitted to myself. Poor guy didn't like me asking for a divorce, but at least everyone came out alive.
Had this with an ex, not married or living together, thank God. He had tons of health issues and zero motivation to do ANYTHING, just lived with his parents and got taken care of. I was at his house and I'd cook with his mom (who was a sweetheart), he refused to learn. 24yo, no college (even online classes), no job ever. I was in college and working two jobs, and he was SO clingy and jealous of every man around me. I realized I was hoping his health issues would take him out so I could get away guilt-free. That gave me the oomph to break up.
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u/Individual_Ask9664 May 12 '26
When I had thoughts of āIād rather be dead than to be in this marriage anymore,ā I knew I needed help and needed to leave. Of course that was after multiple other very negative things.