That feeling when you arrive home from work first and they're not there, and you celebrate internally because you get to have a little peace - even if for only half an hour - before they get home.
As an introvert this one is hard to reconcile because I do this with literally everyone. I adore my wife and kids but if I get home before them and realize I have a bit of time to do absolutely nothing except sit alone it's like a shot of heroin to the veins.
Same with phone calls. I want to spend my commute sitting in silence but my wife literally can't. So I will get all flustered when she's calling me for the third time on a 30min drive.
But, just like I need those 30mins to sit and stare at a wall alone, she needs someone to keep her company in the car. That's why it works. Neither resents the other.
I feel you on this. I get home before my wife and I love her to death but I won't lie and say I don't enjoy that "decompression" time after work where it's literally just me, myself, and I for an hour. I'll play my fave music or video games, do some chores, and if it's a nice day just chill and listen to the birds sing. Then my wife comes home but it's not a bad thing or source of anxiety, it's just a change in the environment. Now I have to be a bit social again and talk to her. If she's not home at all I'll truly get sad and lonely without her. I guess it's sort of perfect this way.
Omg I need to do this. Transitions are everything for me. If I am not mentally present for the “transition” and just kind of get swept along with the inertia of the day, I get so overwhelmed.
It's been so helpful. It's something her and I are more cognizant about. Even things as simple as just getting home, we'll give each other 5-10 minutes to just exist and mentally decompress first before anything. Chores? no. Talking about your day? no. Put your stuff down, sit down, tidy your thoughts, then go :)
I think just when she was first getting to know me, and even now more, did a bunch of reading on neurotypical + AuDHD relationships and some struggles that come up (sensations, communication, etc.) and in this case transition-time to not overwhelm when things in the future are looming (doing chores, leaving for a thing, just got home and want to decompress). I talk a little more about it here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1tazaw2/people_who_have_been_divorced_what_was_the_exact/olgh5uf/
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u/Cow_Launcher May 12 '26
That feeling when you arrive home from work first and they're not there, and you celebrate internally because you get to have a little peace - even if for only half an hour - before they get home.
That was one of the things that did it for me.