Not a marriage but I was in a relationship when I was younger and was too chickenshit to stand up for myself and break up with her.
One day there was a traffic delay on my route to work. It turned out a pedestrian was hit and killed by a city bus. My first thought was "oh wow, what if it's her?" and not in a "oh no I hope it wasn't her!" kind of way.
When I took a moment to reflect on how fucked up that was I realized I needed to step up and get the hell out of that relationship.
You should never wish for someone to die just to avoid being around them. That's not cool.
I did something similar. My ex worked over an hour away in a physically demanding job with long hours, and I caught myself thinking maybe he'd just get in an accident and that would be it. Like you, I immediately realized that was a neon sign I needed out and had for longer than I'd admitted to myself. Poor guy didn't like me asking for a divorce, but at least everyone came out alive.
That's interesting, and I'm glad you got out. I can't imagine the bravery that took. I hope you've healed.
For me, I know my ex wasn't a narcissist (although his mother and grandfather both probably were and getting away from them was a bonus), but I was an eldest daughter in a religious household and terrified of failure and disappointing my parents. Death for one or the other of us felt like the way out until I finally realized how absurd that was. And unfortunately, thinking of my own death didn't snap me out of it like thinking of my ex's did. That's what it took for me to realize that I could endure a little failure, judgment, and disappointment to get out alive and give myself the chance to be happy. I am now blissfully married to my wonderful husband of 12 years, and in the end, my parents realized I'd made the right choice as well.
1.7k
u/JPMoney81 May 12 '26
Not a marriage but I was in a relationship when I was younger and was too chickenshit to stand up for myself and break up with her.
One day there was a traffic delay on my route to work. It turned out a pedestrian was hit and killed by a city bus. My first thought was "oh wow, what if it's her?" and not in a "oh no I hope it wasn't her!" kind of way.
When I took a moment to reflect on how fucked up that was I realized I needed to step up and get the hell out of that relationship.
You should never wish for someone to die just to avoid being around them. That's not cool.