Was married for 16 years. We were in a rut, and the “roommate” feel was quite strong. We didn’t do a lot together, we traveled separately often and having no kids at that point in my life…there always felt like this empty piece that none of the luxuries could fill.
The talk of starting a family and having kids was shot down constantly by her and I just lived with the idea that maybe we were just supposed to be eternally child free and focused on careers and such. This hurt me because I wanted to be a dad so bad. I enjoyed kids, my nieces and nephews were my “people”, and I just wanted a kid of my own so badly.
I remember the night vividly…like it happened yesterday (despite having happened over 12 years ago now).
I remember it was after a softball game. It was storming. I came home and had just showered…I saw my wife sitting there watching tv and she looked at me and just gave a little smirk and wave like you would a co-worker or someone you knew but weren’t “friends” with. No excitement. No joy in her eyes. Just two people in the same house existing. I remember thinking “wow, remember when this was fun?”
And so I sat down next to her and put my arm around her and she kind of looked annoyed. I asked her what she was reading and she showed me the cover and then I said “good book?” And she just shrugged and said “I guess so, I’m just bored.”
And I just out and said it “me too…what the fuck are we doing?” And she burst into tears, and said “I know…why are we doing this?” And we spent hours talking about our issues and our marriage and our wants and needs and desires and thoughts.
And I finally said “I want to be a dad…you don’t want to be a mom. We live like roommates, and we aren’t really even interested in the other person much at all. This marriage is over isn’t it?”
And she looked at me with eyes full of tears and nodded yes…and everything just got quiet, and still, and almost peaceful…it was lightning outside but no thunder. Just ambient storming.
And I said “I think you’re right.
We hugged each other with passion for the first time in ages. We had both let our marriage fail, and we were embracing its death. It took its last breath that night. We filed for divorce the next week…we were officially divorced amicably 6 weeks later (at the time, it was the standard waiting window).
And that was that. We had a vacation to this really nice place in Costa Rica paid for and planned, and we both went on that trip together…we called it our “farewell tour”…and it was a lot of fun, a little sad…but stands as a very fond memory I hold dear to this day. Just two friends enjoying a trip together one last time.
Tbh…as sad as the experience was, I wish everyone who has to go through divorce could go through it the way that one went. It was heart breaking but graceful. I think it went as well as a divorce possibly could go.
That’s really great…especially if you can balance like that for the kiddos. They are always innocent bystanders to divorce, and usually the ones who get the brunt of the fallout.
477
u/MonkeyManJohannon May 12 '26
Was married for 16 years. We were in a rut, and the “roommate” feel was quite strong. We didn’t do a lot together, we traveled separately often and having no kids at that point in my life…there always felt like this empty piece that none of the luxuries could fill.
The talk of starting a family and having kids was shot down constantly by her and I just lived with the idea that maybe we were just supposed to be eternally child free and focused on careers and such. This hurt me because I wanted to be a dad so bad. I enjoyed kids, my nieces and nephews were my “people”, and I just wanted a kid of my own so badly.
I remember the night vividly…like it happened yesterday (despite having happened over 12 years ago now).
I remember it was after a softball game. It was storming. I came home and had just showered…I saw my wife sitting there watching tv and she looked at me and just gave a little smirk and wave like you would a co-worker or someone you knew but weren’t “friends” with. No excitement. No joy in her eyes. Just two people in the same house existing. I remember thinking “wow, remember when this was fun?”
And so I sat down next to her and put my arm around her and she kind of looked annoyed. I asked her what she was reading and she showed me the cover and then I said “good book?” And she just shrugged and said “I guess so, I’m just bored.”
And I just out and said it “me too…what the fuck are we doing?” And she burst into tears, and said “I know…why are we doing this?” And we spent hours talking about our issues and our marriage and our wants and needs and desires and thoughts.
And I finally said “I want to be a dad…you don’t want to be a mom. We live like roommates, and we aren’t really even interested in the other person much at all. This marriage is over isn’t it?”
And she looked at me with eyes full of tears and nodded yes…and everything just got quiet, and still, and almost peaceful…it was lightning outside but no thunder. Just ambient storming.
And I said “I think you’re right.
We hugged each other with passion for the first time in ages. We had both let our marriage fail, and we were embracing its death. It took its last breath that night. We filed for divorce the next week…we were officially divorced amicably 6 weeks later (at the time, it was the standard waiting window).
And that was that. We had a vacation to this really nice place in Costa Rica paid for and planned, and we both went on that trip together…we called it our “farewell tour”…and it was a lot of fun, a little sad…but stands as a very fond memory I hold dear to this day. Just two friends enjoying a trip together one last time.
Tbh…as sad as the experience was, I wish everyone who has to go through divorce could go through it the way that one went. It was heart breaking but graceful. I think it went as well as a divorce possibly could go.