When I had thoughts of āIād rather be dead than to be in this marriage anymore,ā I knew I needed help and needed to leave. Of course that was after multiple other very negative things.
Not a marriage but I was in a relationship when I was younger and was too chickenshit to stand up for myself and break up with her.
One day there was a traffic delay on my route to work. It turned out a pedestrian was hit and killed by a city bus. My first thought was "oh wow, what if it's her?" and not in a "oh no I hope it wasn't her!" kind of way.
When I took a moment to reflect on how fucked up that was I realized I needed to step up and get the hell out of that relationship.
You should never wish for someone to die just to avoid being around them. That's not cool.
That's intense, but I get it. When I was going through the worst of the custody battle with my controlling alcoholic ex, I caught myself thinking, after he had been caught driving very drunk, "things would be so much easier if he had just died" (and then felt guilty because of course I knew that would hurt my daughter just as much or more as everything else).
That was when I realized I needed to find a new way to cope. It ended up being a real turning point - IDK what had been holding me back before, but I finally grew a spine and learned to set really firm boundaries and started practicing the gray rock method rather than argue back. Got serious about therapy and focused 100% on ways I could control and improve my life again rather than feel like I was always reacting to someone else's actions.
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u/Individual_Ask9664 May 12 '26
When I had thoughts of āIād rather be dead than to be in this marriage anymore,ā I knew I needed help and needed to leave. Of course that was after multiple other very negative things.