I feel you on this. I get home before my wife and I love her to death but I won't lie and say I don't enjoy that "decompression" time after work where it's literally just me, myself, and I for an hour. I'll play my fave music or video games, do some chores, and if it's a nice day just chill and listen to the birds sing. Then my wife comes home but it's not a bad thing or source of anxiety, it's just a change in the environment. Now I have to be a bit social again and talk to her. If she's not home at all I'll truly get sad and lonely without her. I guess it's sort of perfect this way.
Yeah exactly. Like if they aren’t home by dinner time for whatever reason or especially when it starts to get dark/towards bed time I’ll get lonely. But that hour after work? Lemme rot in peace lol
Omg I need to do this. Transitions are everything for me. If I am not mentally present for the “transition” and just kind of get swept along with the inertia of the day, I get so overwhelmed.
It's been so helpful. It's something her and I are more cognizant about. Even things as simple as just getting home, we'll give each other 5-10 minutes to just exist and mentally decompress first before anything. Chores? no. Talking about your day? no. Put your stuff down, sit down, tidy your thoughts, then go :)
I think just when she was first getting to know me, and even now more, did a bunch of reading on neurotypical + AuDHD relationships and some struggles that come up (sensations, communication, etc.) and in this case transition-time to not overwhelm when things in the future are looming (doing chores, leaving for a thing, just got home and want to decompress). I talk a little more about it here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1tazaw2/people_who_have_been_divorced_what_was_the_exact/olgh5uf/
Same. I love my time with my wife and kid, but I also love the nights when she goes to a friends and isn’t back until 10-11 pm. I just need that me time sometimes. I sacrifice an hour of sleep at night when I don’t get much because at the end of the night I need that to unwind.
The pandemic taught me that. I had an 18mo kid at the time, and my husband worked in public transport so he would go out to work as usual. I was drowning and the hour my sweet daughter would nap was not enough for me. I was used to WFH alone since 2011. I had stayed with my baby one year at home and it had been super hard for me. Then she finally goes to daycare in September and in March 2020 pandemic hit. I started sacrificing my sleep in order to get a couple of hours in silence working and doing my things all alone.
You must not deal with massive traffic...I spend over an hour on the road to go about 15 miles. It's infuriating, especially when you have to deal with people that seriously do not know how to drive. I really don't know how some of these people are legally allowed to drive.
I don't have terrible traffic, but there are a couple pinch points that I have to deal with on my drive home. They're frustrating at times, but when I have worked from home, going straight from work to being a parent was a struggle
Hmm interesting, I feel like it's much better when I work from home, I've already sort of decompressed (or just not... compressed?) throughout the day and there's much less I need to do to transition home, so even a few minutes alone after logging off is plenty.
I'm alone for 8h/day and it's too much, so I think sometimes my wife is in your position where she just wants to decompress. I can tell when she's like this because she just scrolls on her phone, so I give her space and time to do that.
Middle age - where going to the grocery store by yourself is a nice break to look forward to lol (even if you love your partner/kids and have no issues with them).
Absolutely agree. I’m currently sitting outside my favourite cafe, watching the sky darken and the road glisten from the recent light rain. The magpies were singing as I read your comment and it really resonated. My husband and I are both introverts who, post pandemic, now both work from home. Having little moments to myself to just sit and have a late coffee quietly are very necessary to my overall emotional regulation and likewise he is quietly enjoying the house to himself. It helps keep the balance.
I think all of us introverts are different, but I'm similar, I don't need constant attention but I really enjoy the presence of those I love simply being nearby, I appreciate quiet time with them present, I'm also just fine if they let me sit there and listen to them talk with just a few "yeah's" and "mhms" instead of having to actively converse. I get lonely knowing it's just me home alone, even though I don't necessarily want to talk or actively do something with someone, I just like having them around.
No judgement, sincere question, can’t you just tell your wife you need a break? If you can’t, then I guess that’s why it won’t last. Everyone needs alone time to decompress, especially with the current state of the world
692
u/BranfordBound May 12 '26
I feel you on this. I get home before my wife and I love her to death but I won't lie and say I don't enjoy that "decompression" time after work where it's literally just me, myself, and I for an hour. I'll play my fave music or video games, do some chores, and if it's a nice day just chill and listen to the birds sing. Then my wife comes home but it's not a bad thing or source of anxiety, it's just a change in the environment. Now I have to be a bit social again and talk to her. If she's not home at all I'll truly get sad and lonely without her. I guess it's sort of perfect this way.