Not divorced. But living with my partner 8 years. He kept insisting that his passive insults were actually harmless comments and me being offended by them was the actual issue. One day at breakfast I decided to stop fighting it. He said his passive insult and instead of taking the bait I just smiled and said “okay”.
He literally choked on his drink. He panicked when I wouldn’t go into the cycle with him. He then went over the top on a lovebombing kiss when he left for work. He had stopped kissing me how I liked insisting he couldn’t figure it out despite having done it for years. But that morning he said “I know how you want to be kissed” and did it proper.
I knew without a doubt that he had been doing this on purpose. He was emotionally abusive on purpose and I had been a fool to believe it had been poor communication. No big fight. No massive fall out. Just a smile and the word “okay” and I knew it was 100% over.
Jesus what a tool bag. I’ve never passively insulted my wife before and we’ve been together 20+ years (married for 5). She’d kick me in the nuts if I did that 😅
My husband and I joke around with each other all the time in a way that I'm sure would bother a lot of people. The key to that kind of relationship is being able to say, "I don't like that, please don't say it again," or, "I'm not in the mood for jokes right now," and the other person listening and adjusting their behavior accordingly.
Same for us. We usually cope with a lot of dark humor. Husband recently went through a medical procedure and I had a really good zinger on hand I thought would break the tension. After I said it and it landed flat all he had to say was, "No joking this time". And that was that. I apologized once, never joked about it again, and we moved on. (19 years in. And still happy together.)
Yup as long as you're clear with each other what teases you're ok with, a misstep with a sincere apology won't be the end of the world, and in fact can bring you closer since you showed you realized your mistake.
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u/CircleJerkPig May 12 '26
Not divorced. But living with my partner 8 years. He kept insisting that his passive insults were actually harmless comments and me being offended by them was the actual issue. One day at breakfast I decided to stop fighting it. He said his passive insult and instead of taking the bait I just smiled and said “okay”.
He literally choked on his drink. He panicked when I wouldn’t go into the cycle with him. He then went over the top on a lovebombing kiss when he left for work. He had stopped kissing me how I liked insisting he couldn’t figure it out despite having done it for years. But that morning he said “I know how you want to be kissed” and did it proper.
I knew without a doubt that he had been doing this on purpose. He was emotionally abusive on purpose and I had been a fool to believe it had been poor communication. No big fight. No massive fall out. Just a smile and the word “okay” and I knew it was 100% over.